GoldGravy Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 My apologies in advance for the long post... I've been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years. The relationship started off well. She was a really sweet girl and people thought we were really good together. She always had my back on things which was great. However, 1 month into the relationship, I had to go to Japan as I had signed a contract before getting into the relationship (not the best idea to get into a relationship before leaving, I know). We did long distance for a year, and although I wanted to stay and become a translator, I decided to come back for her. When I came back, things didn't seem right. I wasn't seeing all the awesome things in her anymore and I kept seeing her faults. After a few months, I ended the relationship. A few weeks after that, we started talking and got back together. She had a hard time trusting me after that, which is understandable. I tried my best to regain her trust after that and we started rolling along. Throughout the past 2-3 years, we had some fights and stopped talking to each other a few times, but every time we managed to work things out. The past few months, I had been thinking about marriage and when to get a ring. But every time I thought about it, my mind kept telling me, "don't do it". Again, I started to see all the faults in the relationship. One of the big reasons I kept telling myself I couldn't do it was her lack of emotional control. Whenever she got stressed with something, she would start crying. I told her that there are other methods to cope, but she wouldn't try them. She asked me why I thought crying was a bad thing and why I couldn't just comfort her. I told her that crying was not a bad thing, but it could be controlled. I felt like I needed to comfort her all the time and I was missing out on my own emotional needs... like I was carrying the weight of both people. Whenever she cried, I felt like I was always to blame (sometimes, it was, but other times, it was just life stress, like presentations). The biggest thing was: I felt like I couldn't rely on her. If I was in a tough situation, I don't know if I'd be able to rely on her for help, especially if it was stressful. She said that perhaps we weren't right for each other and I hesitatingly agreed. I don't know if I made the right decision, but I feel incredibly down right now. Now that we're apart, I keep thinking how trivial everything was. But I know that if we get back together, the cycle will begin anew. The other big thing was the lack of sex... literally none for the time we've been together. She said to wait til we were engaged, but that seemed like a big warning sign for me. I was also worried that after we got married, it would be a dull marriage. She would let me touch her, but she seemed to be fine without doing anything. She had been in a previous relationship for 4 years and had no sex there either. Her and I are both 28 now. Ever since I thought about marriage, things have been going downhill. I know she loves me very much and I love her... but it felt like companionship without the passion. She is a kind-hearted and loving person, and I feel like it's me who's the problem. Watching her walk away yesterday was the worst moment of my life. I just really need some advice... somebody, please help.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 Forgive me, as I'm a little tired and may have looked over it, but did you really not have sex with this woman once the whole time you were together? I don't think I could do that. Towards the end of my relationship, we hardly had sex at all, and it DID feel like a companionship without the romance. How you could do that for so long... I commend you.
Author GoldGravy Posted May 24, 2015 Author Posted May 24, 2015 Yeah, part of the reason why I ended it the first time was the lack of intimacy. We would snuggle and make out, but that's as far as it would go. I hadn't realized how conservative she was until after I came back from Japan. It might not have been difficult for her as she was used to the situation. But, I had come out of a relationship where things were fairly passionate.
Moley87 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Gold - thought I would just leave you a thumbs up keep strong new day new chapter
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