itsabiguniverse Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 No real issue here, I've just been single for over a year now and I'm really bored of the single life. I'm 20, away at college, and in a sorority, and that's all really fun. But I was in a relationship for a year and I really enjoyed it, I've found that I'm really a one-on-one person and I feel most at peace just hanging out with one or two people. I enjoy stability and I love the idea of a fun, stable relationship. To sum it up, can anyone give me some motivation or stories to enjoy the single life more? I know I'm young and I have forever to be married and whatnot, I just can't help that I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm afraid I'll look back and realize that I didn't have fun because I was always obsessed with looking around for a boyfriend. 1
dyna85 Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 I know what you mean. I'm a decade older and long for a relationship, but I can't say that being single hasn't had its good moments. It just doesn't compare to being with someone. I would just recommend trying to fill your life with activities and interests that don't involve a guy, while also putting yourself out there in places where you can meet someone. If your heart is open and you want it bad enough, it's bound to happen. Think intention + effort. If intention alone doesn't work, double up on the effort. If doubling up on the effort doesn't work, let go. You can only do so much. As long as you're working towards improving yourself and achieving your life goals and you keep getting out and meeting people, you can say that you tried and whatever is meant to be will be. Good things tend to happen when you least expect it and are going about your life, and are feeling content and open. At least, this has been my experience. I wish you luck. I think it's probably only a matter of time before you meet someone new. : ) 2
DoesntGetIt Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 Your best motivation will come from people who got attached young, got married, young, and got divorced as older. They will tell you how much they wished they played the field and just had fun more before settling down and how their chance/youth is gone now so they can't. College should be fun, adventurous, experimental. Just make the most of it while you can, before real life sets in for good. 2
frs1627 Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 The best thing to do is to....stop looking. Let it come to you. The right girl will come along your way. One who is interested will most likely approach you at some point. I got out of a relationship and month later I started talking to some girl at work. She reaches out to me often and vice versa. She was the fist one to say lets do something together. I was not expecting or looking for anything at that point. And who knows there could be a girl right in front of your face that you are missing the clues. Be patient. You don't want to rush finding a girl and then it goes to sh*t and then you have to start all over again. The right one does and will come your way. Just do your own thing, gain confidence and be happy with yourself. Allow yourself to be open to others and be approachable. 1
petsrule Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 If you have time, try doing activities you enjoy doing that involves being around other people. Don't bother with the activities that you don't enjoy or activities that will make it highly unlikely you'll meet anyone, e.g. if you're looking for a man don't do ballet dancing or if you're looking for a girl don't bother with football because generally the only people who go along to them are already taken
lana-banana Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 Focus on enjoying yourself and dating occasionally, but not worrying too much about it. Relax! You are in a wonderful period where you can try pretty much anything and the consequences are minimal (except for STDs). Very few relationships that begin in college last more than a year or so later, and those that do end in marriage often end before both partners are 30. Now is the time to experiment, learn how heartbreak feels, discover what it's like to argue with someone you care about, survive bad dates, and maybe break a heart yourself. Just try to enjoy yourself as much as possible. Be excited every morning when you wake up because each day will be weird and unpredictable. And start thinking about who you want to become. 1
smackie9 Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 I've found that I'm really a one-on-one person and I feel most at peace just hanging out with one or two people. This quote right here is the reason why you are in this position. It's real hard to sustain a relationship or even a fulfilling social life when you can only handle one on one. Is there a reason why you only feel comfortable with just being one on one? Do you have social anxiety? Do you have trouble interacting with strangers? Do you have trouble trusting people? What about your last relationship.....what was the reason for the breakup?
LostOne1 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 This quote right here is the reason why you are in this position. It's real hard to sustain a relationship or even a fulfilling social life when you can only handle one on one. Is there a reason why you only feel comfortable with just being one on one? Do you have social anxiety? Do you have trouble interacting with strangers? Do you have trouble trusting people? What about your last relationship.....what was the reason for the breakup? Yeah, I was like this too... Then I started attending meetup events to learn to be more social. I learned a few things.. I need to TALK LOUDER, I have a very soft voice. I learned how to be more social and talk to multiple people. I still think I do better on one n one convo's. But, I think that's the same for most people. If we talk to one person, you do get a better connection because it's just between you two. But, I think if you want to get out there, then you need to learn the ability of talking to many people.
Simpleoldschool Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 (edited) No real issue here, I've just been single for over a year now and I'm really bored of the single life. I'm 20, away at college, and in a sorority, and that's all really fun. But I was in a relationship for a year and I really enjoyed it, I've found that I'm really a one-on-one person and I feel most at peace just hanging out with one or two people. I enjoy stability and I love the idea of a fun, stable relationship. To sum it up, can anyone give me some motivation or stories to enjoy the single life more? I know I'm young and I have forever to be married and whatnot, I just can't help that I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm afraid I'll look back and realize that I didn't have fun because I was always obsessed with looking around for a boyfriend. First, hello - Second , try not to take it personally as in finding fault with yourself. Being that your young you will hear the hum-drum of "you're young, you have plenty of time" but feeling idle because your longing for companionship is why you feel idle - I'm assuming here .Usually its because your letting that thought consume your life in a way that it interferes with your life instead of leading your life towards the direction you want it to go. Apparently no one does anything without another person influencing an outcome. To be honest, Some people have an easier time than other's when it comes to "getting into a relationship" and what may appear like a relationship is just a fling. The older you get the more you learn, and the more you'll learn about what you actually want in life. If I could suggest something, try being yourself around other people and do not let criticism affect you. You sound tepid and i assume you've met some real jerks. If they don't like you for yourself, or enough to date you the number one rule is you deserve someone who will and waiting for that is better than wasting your time with an ******* . You will have wasted more time dating a jerk than living your life single. so sure, you feel like a lot of your time is being wasted because you don't have anyone but really time should be shared in quality and quality is scarce. Here's what you do, and don't let discouragement mount enough to where you feel like there's something wrong with you. Even though your a women, go out and talk to men. Talk to plenty of men even if your nervous. If you say that's not for you your letting you ego get in its own way and your ego is damaging itself. Often times nervousness is a shared feeling and it makes it easier to get to know someone if your both nervous so no sweat. no movie magic in life when you talk to someone. Have fun and dont beat yourself up. Edited May 25, 2015 by Simpleoldschool
sportygirl89 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Come to me when you are almost 26 and have been single for two years. I get the I want grand children speech from my mom all the time. At least you don't get that.
computersandsuch Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I agree. Let love come to you. Don't settle.... 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Since you are a girl OP, its okay for you to be needy, clingy, desperate, be glad you have that luxury
Gloria25 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Since you are a girl OP, its okay for you to be needy, clingy, desperate, be glad you have that luxury I hate to disappoint you, but neediness, clinginess, and/or desperation is unattractive regardless of gender. No one likes to be smothered. Actually, I was checking out Jerry Springer and felt bad for this chunky chick. The guy was a king douche. He broke up with her by giving her a birthday cake and telling her they're over. Now, while I think he's the king of douches, he was able to be such a douche cuz she was so clingy. He was complaining that she had no life, no job, he has to do everything for her and she calls him ten times a day.... In real life, a gf I knew of. She blew everyone off every time she found a new guy. This last one, the worked across the street from each other and even lived together and she still called him all day and they did lunch together EVERY DAY. Geesh, you live with him, can you not give him a chance to "miss" you and you just see him when you get home? So, you could never reach her - even on the phone - cuz "he" was her life. Well, they married and he divorced her and left her with the kid. One of my gfs was trying to look her up and I was like "forget her". So, women also get blown off when they are too needy, desperate, and/or clingy too. To the OP, that saying like "you gotta love yourself before you can love others" rings true... Yes, life is sweeter when we have someone to share it with, but if you have no hobbies, interest and/or friends besides some guy/gal, then you'll never be happy and you will become a nag, burden, etc to them at some point. Go volunteer, pick up hobbies, join a club, exercise - get a life. When you have a full and fulfilling life, you won't even have time to notice that you don't have a guy and you'll be more apt to make a wise choice in one instead of doing it to cure loneliness.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 I hate to disappoint you, but neediness, clinginess, and/or desperation is unattractive regardless of gender. No one likes to be smothered. Actually, I was checking out Jerry Springer and felt bad for this chunky chick. The guy was a king douche. He broke up with her by giving her a birthday cake and telling her they're over. Now, while I think he's the king of douches, he was able to be such a douche cuz she was so clingy. He was complaining that she had no life, no job, he has to do everything for her and she calls him ten times a day.... In real life, a gf I knew of. She blew everyone off every time she found a new guy. This last one, the worked across the street from each other and even lived together and she still called him all day and they did lunch together EVERY DAY. Geesh, you live with him, can you not give him a chance to "miss" you and you just see him when you get home? So, you could never reach her - even on the phone - cuz "he" was her life. Well, they married and he divorced her and left her with the kid. One of my gfs was trying to look her up and I was like "forget her". So, women also get blown off when they are too needy, desperate, and/or clingy too. To the OP, that saying like "you gotta love yourself before you can love others" rings true... Yes, life is sweeter when we have someone to share it with, but if you have no hobbies, interest and/or friends besides some guy/gal, then you'll never be happy and you will become a nag, burden, etc to them at some point. Go volunteer, pick up hobbies, join a club, exercise - get a life. When you have a full and fulfilling life, you won't even have time to notice that you don't have a guy and you'll be more apt to make a wise choice in one instead of doing it to cure loneliness. David Deida and Dr. Robert Glover influenced my thinking I guess
Gloria25 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 David Deida and Dr. Robert Glover influenced my thinking I guess Well, you can't take what all these gurus say as gospel. I read "The Rules", How to Be a Mack Daddy, "He's Just Not That Into You", Women are from Venus/Men Mars, How to Think Like a Man, and I can go on and on... My fav podcaster has become my rock and I lean on/respect her advice the most... From the others, you can pick and chose what they have that is of value.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Well, you can't take what all these gurus say as gospel. I read "The Rules", How to Be a Mack Daddy, "He's Just Not That Into You", Women are from Venus/Men Mars, How to Think Like a Man, and I can go on and on... My fav podcaster has become my rock and I lean on/respect her advice the most... From the others, you can pick and chose what they have that is of value. Do those books mention neediness, clinginess as turn off for men too when a woman is being like that?
mortensorchid Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Unfortunately I think we have a huge pressure upon ourselves to be with someone. I think even now that women feel that they are nothing unless they are with someone. Don't listen to those supposed factors that say that there is something wrong with that person if they have never been married by a certain age or they aren't worth anything. I'm a 40 year old woman, apparently an old maid according to the world. Well you know what I found? Men don't grow balls and marry you or even stay with a woman unless she is trash because they think they can fix the trashy woman, just like women think that they can fix the Bad Boy. Sounds bitter, yes, but think of what you would have had to endure with that man. I was with a Bad Boy aka Alpha Male a few years ago. He broke up with me because I was stable, boring and not taking care of him. He found another woman barely 6 months later and as far as I know is still with her (it's about two and a half years later). She throws tantrums, alienated him from his friends and family. He's trash, she's trash, they deserve each other. I was also with a so called Nice Guy years ago who just couldn't get over some bitch ex gf who dumped him YEARS before he met me. Then he broke it off via email with me rather than a phone call. He met and married another woman about a year later, they are still married and I am glad I am not with him. He's a fool. And other so called "Nice Guys" who are wimps or opt for trashy girls instead of me. Remember, you don't want either a Bad Boy or a Nice Guy, you want a man who deserves you. And there are a lot of guys out there who don't deserve to be with you.
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