kenmore Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 So I met a lady several weeks ago through a business meeting. She's French. She moved here from Paris many years ago (around 25) and she seemed to be attracted to me. All the "signs" were there. She kept sliding her chair closer to mine as we talked, the meeting went on much longer than normal for such a meeting (it was just us two), she made several mistakes such as writing the wrong thing down and kept saying she doesn't know what's wrong with her (I know, she's nervous.) The next time we met it was just for me to give her some materials. She said we could meet at her office or near an appointment she had. I suggested a restaurant (implying lunch) near her appointment, she suggested a cafe next door and we had lunch which lasted two hours. I told her then that I like her and would like to call her and ask her out sometime. She said yes, I could call "sometime" with a bit of emphasis on that word. We met again the following week to discuss the materials with a colleague of hers. Afterward, I asked her if she had eaten lunch. She looked at her watch and said "sure, we can go have lunch." Another almost two hour "date." I decided I should call her this week and ask her out. It had been a week and I don't want too much time to go by. I asked her to a specific thing (A walk on the beach and French onion soup for lunch for today.) She politely turned me down saying her friend will be in town and she will be busy, but maybe next weekend. Oddly, even though the signs that she likes me seem to be there, I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that she doesn't want to go out with me. I have no apparent reason to feel that way, it just "is." That said, I have been struggling with something totally alien to me lately: self doubt. Losing my wife and home along with starting a new career which is off to an agonizingly slow start have conspired to make me doubt my worth. I have been honest with her about my career (probably a mistake) so feel maybe she has no desire to date a guy in such a position. Do you all think I'm reading too much into it or do you feel if I have such a feeling, there's probably a good reason to have it? If she puts me off again, do I keep trying or give her some space? I have no desire to put her in a difficult position (socially anyway), but would hate to lose any chance just because I gave up too easily. Opinions? Ken
La.Primavera Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 She politely turned me down saying her friend will be in town and she will be busy, but maybe next weekend. It doesn't sound like she wants to rush into anything yet but she hasn't shut the door either. Maybe she just needs more time to decide if she wants to take it further. If I was in your position I would be inclined to take a step back and wait for her to reach out to you. If that isn't your style then just take things slowly to gauge her reaction. Good luck. 2
Author kenmore Posted May 24, 2015 Author Posted May 24, 2015 It doesn't sound like she wants to rush into anything yet but she hasn't shut the door either. Maybe she just needs more time to decide if she wants to take it further. If I was in your position I would be inclined to take a step back and wait for her to reach out to you. If that isn't your style then just take things slowly to gauge her reaction. Good luck. Thanks!!
Author kenmore Posted May 24, 2015 Author Posted May 24, 2015 La, one thing though. I agree she probably hasn't made the decision and needs more time, but if I just "fade away" by not talking to her, it may be too easy for her to just think it's over or to decide to forget it. A part of me thinks I need to at least be in the foreground. Maybe that's too much, but at the very least be in the background. I need to be somewhere other than oblivion.
La.Primavera Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 She knows you are interested so technically you are already in the foreground/background. You could try asking her out again in a couple of weeks. Preferably once her friend has left so she won't be as distracted. 1
jen1447 Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 I agree with La.Primavera. You're both 'grown,' right? So probably no juvenile games going on here - she'll know her own mind and she's telling you the speed she prefers right now. You don't need to remind her you exist, she knows. If she fades, you'll have your answer. That said, I don't see any problem with mild persistence. Just relax, take a deep breath, and proceed however it feels comfortable and natural to you. 1
Author kenmore Posted May 24, 2015 Author Posted May 24, 2015 Thanks you two for your advice. I was toying with the idea of trying to start a texting conversation (we have texted in the past, mostly business but I did wish her a happy mother's day and she said merci), but you're probably right. She might think I'm pushing her. I'm probably too anxious. I want to go ahead and get to know her better so feel all this time going by without seeing each other or talking is counterproductive but that's probably just the engineer in me talking. I do need to be mindful of her emotions. Also, I hadn't really thought about how since I asked her out she's probably thinking about me. That's probably another manifestation of my current self doubt.
La.Primavera Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 It can be tough when you feel insecure but don't let it sabotage your chance with her. When people visit it can be a stressful time, that is why I suggested leaving it a while so she doesn't get flustered by it. 1
Author kenmore Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Slow, yes that's the answer with her. It's odd, it's not what I'm used to, but my guess is it may not be what most guys here in America are used to so maybe I win points for understanding (thanks to you all.) I feel she's worth the effort of getting to know how to understand her. Maybe most people are but who has the time to get to know everyone deeply? I do feel her being French has poignancy beyond just being novel. I feel it has to do with how she accepts (or doesn't) my advances. Honestly, it is a huge turn-on having this resistance. It won't be if it doesn't work out. I do love the idea of learning more about people from different cultures though, and wow, do I look forward to learning more about hers! I hope it works out. Ken
Author kenmore Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 It can be tough when you feel insecure but don't let it sabotage your chance with her. Yeah, can it ever be! Thank you so much for your support, I appreciate it so much!
La.Primavera Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Yeah, can it ever be! Thank you so much for your support, I appreciate it so much! Your welcome. The French have an allure that is hard to resist.
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