I wasn't invited to his birthday?

[JaneyJ1991]

Guy I'm seeing, not exclusive, been dating 2 months, there's a couple other threads on him. The last week has been a little stressful for reasons mentioned in those threads. Anyways. His birthday is tomorrow. He's off yesterday and today, but works tomorrow. I worked today, and am off tomorrow. Because I knew it was his birthday, I kind of left my day open tomorrow on purpose.

 

He knew I worked today, and we've been in contact literally since he woke up. I know he was going fishing with his dad all day. But I kind of figured it would be safe to assume his family at least would get together for a birthday BBQ or something--They're an EXTREMELY close family and do stuff like this often.

He's been asking me for about 3 weeks to meet his parents. Initially, I was resistant--He last asked me to meet his parents on mother's day--his whole family was together for cake. I couldn't because I hadn't been with my own mom all day and was just getting off work.

 

So anyways, I thought he would have a birthday dinner or something this weekend, and I would be invited. But he's said nothing. Literally nothing. He's SUPER close with his family, so I find it really hard to believe they're not celebrating. And I would assume it's tonight since he works tomorrow.

 

I have tried to hint and fish and see if anything was going on, as recently as earlier this week. I asked something like, "Are you excited for your birthday? Do you work on your birthday?" And his reply was something like, "Um...I'm not sure if I work on my birthday. I have to check the schedule (I FIND THAT B.S.--how do you not remember?) Oh.. and he has met my family.

On Thursday night, I was in his car with him, and he had to run to pick something up at his parents. He said they'd left his package out for him, so he didn't have to go wake them up. It was like 9:00pm. He told me "you can meet them if they're up, but you can just wait til later. You will have plenty of opportunities later." So he left me in the car, and went to get his box. Turns out...they were awake. And he never told them I was in the car.

 

I feel like if he's hiding from his family, or has decided he doesn't want me to meet his parents, that probably a really bad sign. A sign he doesn't ever want to move in a more serious direction with me. Am I being paranoid? Does anyone else think it's weird I haven't been invited to a birthday celebration? It is potentially possible he isn't having a birthday get together. I KNOW for a fact he has told them about me. And I've met his sister he's close with, multiple times (the last time being last week).

 

I feel super stupid, because I actually got him a birthday present (and he knows it). I didn't realize it was so weird no plans had been made, until a friend invited me tonight to a potluck he's having tomorrow. And suddenly it hit me..I've left a whole day of my weekend open, for something that's never happened?

Edited May 24, 2015 by JaneyJ1991

[kendahke]

this on top of the condom wrapper, IMO, are clear signs that you two are on different relationship trajectories.

[kendahke]

I went back and read your other thread and it would appear that if he's having sex with this other girl, too, that he's decided against bringing you around to meet his folks.

 

That is why there was a condom wrapper under his bed. He's marking time with you, not trying to make you more significant in his life than you currently are.

[El Pallasso]

For God's sake, just ask. "Hey, what are you doing for your birthday? Can I come?" Simple. Stop "hinting and fishing". Take charge and ask. Stop making assumptions or hoping.

[TunaCat]

If you aren't exclusive, why would you be expected to be invited to his birthday dinner with his family?

 

I would never bring someone around my family who I wasn't exclusive with. I am very close with my family. We do birthday dinners as well.

[losangelena]

My BF didn't meet my mom until we'd been dating six months. Six months of exclusive dating.

 

Hold your horses, OP. You're not exclusive, you haven't had sex. There are a lot of other relationship milestones you need to reach before "meet the family."

 

I agree with the above poster—if you want to know if he's doing anything for his birthday, ASK HIM.

[ExpatInItaly]

If you've been seeing each other non-exclusively for only 2 months, I'm not clear as to why you expected him to invite you to join the birthday celebrations.

 

If you haven't yet met his family, a birthday isn't likely going to be the occasion for that. It sounds to me he's trying to keep this casual for now.

[preraph]

I hate to break it to you, but he's holding out hoping someone else materializes for his birthday. If you hadn't said he is already saying he wants you to meet the family, I'd say that was the reason, that he wasn't ready for that , but either one is not great. My guess he's got someone else he is carrying a torch for. Even if he was working, there's some part of the day he's not working and there's the day before or after. Now, it's possible he and Dad fish into the night. But he's being cagey about information, so I think he's got someone he's into and he may issue a last-minute invitation if she doesn't materialize, and you should not be available if he does because you don't do last-minute big occasion invitations.

[JaneyJ1991]

Almost immediately after posting this..He texted me and informed me birthday festivities are going on tonight, after he gets off work. And invited me.

Yeah. Apparently I'm just a really paranoid person with some giant trust issues. I feel a little paranoid.

It gets worse though, because while I was posting last night, out of anger or lack of plans or being tired of waiting..I RSVP'd to my friend's potluck for tonight, too.

 

Of course..It turns out they're both exactly at the same time. Go figure.

So now I'm sitting here going..What do I do? Do I go to the friend's potluck, because he invited me first? Or do I tell him I forgot a birthday party, and go to dinner at the guy I've been seeing's house? Guy said I could just come for cake after and not feel bad about it.

 

 

Upon a mental review..I was just thinking...Our plans are NEVER ahead of time. Literally everything he's asked me to, since like our 4th date, has been day of. If I'm really lucky I get a "hey would you like to go to dinner tonight?" text at 1 pm, the day of. Or maybe "would you like to go out with my sister and I tomorrow night?" But most times it turns into (at 6pm) "hey..would you like to come over and watch a movie tonight?". With the exception of dinner last week..We hadn't been on an official out of the house--non-netflix related date in probably 2-3 weeks. Should I be concerned by that at all? Or are some people just more spontaneous? I should mention he always comes to get me for these movie nights. He never expects me to just drive over there.

 

 

We were together last night (I invited him to something spur of the moment, he came and got me, etc). He also was with me on Friday night (something happened, and he ended up giving up his night out--which he was taking me, too--to come lay on the sofa and hold me because I was having a really bad night).

Edited May 24, 2015 by JaneyJ1991

[wb1988]

Almost immediately after posting this..He texted me and informed me birthday festivities are going on tonight, after he gets off work. And invited me.

Yeah. Apparently I'm just a really paranoid person with some giant trust issues. I feel a little paranoid.

It gets worse though, because while I was posting last night, out of anger or lack of plans or being tired of waiting..I RSVP'd to my friend's potluck for tonight, too.

 

Of course..It turns out they're both exactly at the same time. Go figure.

So now I'm sitting here going..What do I do? Do I go to the friend's potluck, because he invited me first? Or do I tell him I forgot a birthday party, and go to dinner at the guy I've been seeing's house? Guy said I could just come for cake after and not feel bad about it.

 

 

Upon a mental review..I was just thinking...Our plans are NEVER ahead of time. Literally everything he's asked me to, since like our 4th date, has been day of. If I'm really lucky I get a "hey would you like to go to dinner tonight?" text at 1 pm, the day of. Or maybe "would you like to go out with my sister and I tomorrow night?" But most times it turns into (at 6pm) "hey..would you like to come over and watch a movie tonight?". With the exception of dinner last week..We hadn't been on an official out of the house--non-netflix related date in probably 2-3 weeks. Should I be concerned by that at all? Or are some people just more spontaneous? I should mention he always comes to get me for these movie nights. He never expects me to just drive over there.

 

 

We were together last night (I invited him to something spur of the moment, he came and got me, etc). He also was with me on Friday night (something happened, and he ended up giving up his night out--which he was taking me, too--to come lay on the sofa and hold me because I was having a really bad night).

 

This guy seems like the good laid-back type that only a crazy girl would see as a player or some sort. Actually the fact that he even mentioned meeting his parents proves that. I'm personally a little bit of a player and trust me, I NEVER EVER let the girl meet my parents because of that.

 

Go to his birthday and mention to him that you like some notice before any plans because you are the type that prefers to make plans rather than live life 1 day at a time.

Edited May 24, 2015 by wb1988

[El Pallasso]

You're just making up noon existent issues in your head and creating dreams where there is none. You seen to get some type of mental orgasm off this. He'll provably get tired of it at some point and dump you.

[CarrieT]

Of course..It turns out they're both exactly at the same time. Go figure.

So now I'm sitting here going..What do I do? Do I go to the friend's potluck, because he invited me first? Or do I tell him I forgot a birthday party, and go to dinner at the guy I've been seeing's house? Guy said I could just come for cake after and not feel bad about it.

You stick to your obligation of going to the potluck - because that is the honorable thing to do - and leave a little early to join your BF's party for cake.

 

It is likely the friend who invited you to the potluck will be around longer than the BF so don't burn bridges for the sake of a budding relationship that has been causing you problems.

[kendahke]

Almost immediately after posting this..He texted me and informed me birthday festivities are going on tonight, after he gets off work. And invited me.

Yeah. Apparently I'm just a really paranoid person with some giant trust issues. I feel a little paranoid.

It gets worse though, because while I was posting last night, out of anger or lack of plans or being tired of waiting..I RSVP'd to my friend's potluck for tonight, too.

 

Of course..It turns out they're both exactly at the same time. Go figure.

So now I'm sitting here going..What do I do? Do I go to the friend's potluck, because he invited me first? Or do I tell him I forgot a birthday party, and go to dinner at the guy I've been seeing's house? Guy said I could just come for cake after and not feel bad about it.

 

 

Upon a mental review..I was just thinking...Our plans are NEVER ahead of time. Literally everything he's asked me to, since like our 4th date, has been day of. If I'm really lucky I get a "hey would you like to go to dinner tonight?" text at 1 pm, the day of. Or maybe "would you like to go out with my sister and I tomorrow night?" But most times it turns into (at 6pm) "hey..would you like to come over and watch a movie tonight?". With the exception of dinner last week..We hadn't been on an official out of the house--non-netflix related date in probably 2-3 weeks. Should I be concerned by that at all? Or are some people just more spontaneous? I should mention he always comes to get me for these movie nights. He never expects me to just drive over there.

 

 

We were together last night (I invited him to something spur of the moment, he came and got me, etc). He also was with me on Friday night (something happened, and he ended up giving up his night out--which he was taking me, too--to come lay on the sofa and hold me because I was having a really bad night).

 

go to the pot luck because your friend invited you and it would be bad form for you to blow them off for someone who's not acting like you really matter all that much. You're doing way too much in this involvement with the guy whose birthday is tonight.

 

He waited until the last minute to invite you to something he's known every year happens on 5/24--that means, every time you asked and hinted about his plans, he knew something was going on and chose not to convey plans to you--it could be that the chick who he used the condom with couldn't make it and he's now asking you. I would tell him "sorry, made plans... am doing something else tonight. Have fun!" and go to the pot luck.

 

Your self esteem will thank you in the morning.

[Gaeta]

Janey: You want all the considerations of an exclusive relationship but without the exclusive part. This man is waiting on his 2nd std results and he has no idea if you will drop him like a hot potato when a second positive comes in.

 

If you want a casual relationship then accept you are not a priority and that's how it is. If you want to be a priority than make this exclusive.

[Versacehottie]

Almost immediately after posting this..He texted me and informed me birthday festivities are going on tonight, after he gets off work. And invited me.

Yeah. Apparently I'm just a really paranoid person with some giant trust issues. I feel a little paranoid.

It gets worse though, because while I was posting last night, out of anger or lack of plans or being tired of waiting..I RSVP'd to my friend's potluck for tonight, too.

 

Of course..It turns out they're both exactly at the same time. Go figure.

So now I'm sitting here going..What do I do? Do I go to the friend's potluck, because he invited me first? Or do I tell him I forgot a birthday party, and go to dinner at the guy I've been seeing's house? Guy said I could just come for cake after and not feel bad about it.

 

 

Upon a mental review..I was just thinking...Our plans are NEVER ahead of time. Literally everything he's asked me to, since like our 4th date, has been day of. If I'm really lucky I get a "hey would you like to go to dinner tonight?" text at 1 pm, the day of. Or maybe "would you like to go out with my sister and I tomorrow night?" But most times it turns into (at 6pm) "hey..would you like to come over and watch a movie tonight?". With the exception of dinner last week..We hadn't been on an official out of the house--non-netflix related date in probably 2-3 weeks. Should I be concerned by that at all? Or are some people just more spontaneous? I should mention he always comes to get me for these movie nights. He never expects me to just drive over there.

 

 

We were together last night (I invited him to something spur of the moment, he came and got me, etc). He also was with me on Friday night (something happened, and he ended up giving up his night out--which he was taking me, too--to come lay on the sofa and hold me because I was having a really bad night).

 

oh shoot, girl these are classic mistakes. REEL. IT. IN. You are too invested, too clingy. I felt anxious reading your post. You better stick with the potluck though dropping by his later is ok. You have to see this as THE perfect opportunity to show him that you are a busy, interesting person with your own life, even if it your plans for the evening are deep conditioning your hair. How better to teach him that if he wants to see you, you need advance notice (oh if you do bring up need advance notice by all means don't do it at his bday with his family around, pick another night). And the making him coming over because you are having a bad day: just don't! 4 dates in with all the other sh*t you two have going on. You are completely chasing him. It's only flying for the moment because it's a new relationship (? can we even call it that) and he obviously can jerk you around. Perhaps his options are limited. I being harsh but it's a wake-up call. This behavior is not good.

[TunaCat]

I wouldn't even go celebrate with the guy at all. It's likely he knew all along what the birthday plans were. Another girl probably bailed on him so he came to you, his plan B. Stand up for yourself and tell him that you deserve to be treated with respect, and not as an afterthought.

 

Go to the potluck because you were invited to that first.

[preraph]

Like I said before, I expected you to get a last minute invitation. It's not like you hadn't already asked him about this. The bare minimum, he should have said, I don't know details yet but will let you know as soon as I know. He evaded. You made plans. Keep the plans you made. You don't want to train this guy that you are always ready at the last minute and have no other life.

[JaneyJ1991]

I went to both. I went to my friend's potluck, stayed for a couple hours, then went over to his house. Met his entire family, they were great.

 

 

His family knew a lot more about me than I was expecting. All the way down to what kind of animals I have. Apparently he has showed them pictures.

 

 

During dinner one of the out of town aunts called and his mom was on the phone with her and I overheard her tell her sister quote, "Yeah everybody's here. Even his girlfriend came over for dinner. We're just about to open presents."