katiegrl Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 While I'm no fan of head games, I don't think I would have put her on the sh*t list just because of that. Maybe she didn't understand that you are waiting for her to call you. Maybe she's waiting for you to call her because that was more or less how it was left. I don't care for being ignored either, but I usually try to give the benefit of the doubt as long as it's not a habit. Also, a standoff is a head game too. I'd call her and make that date. I actually think ff got it right. Benefit of the doubt? What doubt? There IS no doubt. At least not to me. He texted her, she responded. He called her TEN minutes later, she did not answer so he left a nice voice mail about making plans to see each other again.... when she calls back. And wtf she disappears? I could see if he waited a day or two to call...cause something *could* have happened within that span... but it was TEN minutes! No there shouldn't be any doubt, she's just not that interested or like he said playing some dumb *hard to get* game. It is best not to indulge that....sends the wrong message. If she were interested, really interrsted, she would have called him back, or at the very least texted him. It's been three days. Come on now...
fitnessfan365 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Maybe she didn't understand that you are waiting for her to call you. Maybe she's waiting for you to call her because that was more or less how it was left. In the voice mail I said - "Looks like soon is here. So give me a call back when you're able and we'll make plans". Seems pretty clear cut to me..LOL But as long as I've known her, she'd respond to a text inshantly, and if she couldn't answer a phone call, she'd return the voice mail same day. Since it's been three days without word one from her, she's lost interest. Weird too because she was just as enthuastic on this last date. Even mentioned how much she was looking forward to our next date when we said goodnight. But one thing I've learned is that when a woman changes her mind, that's just the way it is. 1
kenmore Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 What is wrong with men? I believe that from a woman's perspective, is that those you think the most of generally think with our dicks. So that really begs the question... what's wrong with whom? Yep, there's little room in a lot of womens hearts for men who are actually caring and considerate. I have had women look down on me because I open doors for them and let them go through first. A lot of women seem to like being treated like sh*t, and I'll never understand that...but I won't change either.
jay1983 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Thread should be titled WTF is wrong with women. OP sounds like a hot mess. She has Chad, who is most likely slaying other women, and has no chance of being exclusive with him, then she has this beta cuck who wants to marry her already, and she is extremely repulsed by it. Modern dating is such a joke lol. Oh man this is too funny! 1
katiegrl Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 In the voice mail I said - "Looks like soon is here. So give me a call back when you're able and we'll make plans". Seems pretty clear cut to me..LOL But as long as I've known her, she'd respond to a text inshantly, and if she couldn't answer a phone call, she'd return the voice mail same day. Since it's been three days without word one from her, she's lost interest. Weird too because she was just as enthuastic on this last date. Even mentioned how much she was looking forward to our next date when we said goodnight. But one thing I've learned is that when a woman changes her mind, that's just the way it is. I am really sorry this one didn't work out ff...she sounded promising and I remember how excited you were after your first date.... But again, for the record (see my post 77 -- may have gotten lost in the shuffle) I agree with you.... you did, are doing, the right thing. I am curious though, if she were to pop up later, say this week or next, how would you respond to that?
kenmore Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I actually think ff got it right. Benefit of the doubt? What doubt? There IS no doubt. At least not to me. He texted her, she responded. He called her TEN minutes later, she did not answer so he left a nice voice mail about making plans to see each other again.... when she calls back. And wtf she disappears? I could see if he waited a day or two to call...cause something *could* have happened within that span... but it was TEN minutes! No there shouldn't be any doubt, she's just not that interested or like he said playing some dumb *hard to get* game. It is best not to indulge that....sends the wrong message. If she were interested, really interrsted, she would have called him back, or at the very least texted him. It's been three days. Come on now... I respectfully disagree. In fact, since it was only ten minutes that may be part of the problem. Scenario: you go out with a guy and have a nice date. Next day he texts he'll call you soon then does in ten minutes. Is it serious? Do you even hear the phone? He leaves a message saying you two can arrange a date when you call. Suppose you know you won't be able to go out until next weekend, do you call right away or wait awhile? Why is three days so critical? FF, not to pick on you nor criticize you, but I still feel that reaction is harsh. On the surface it is macho and cool that you aren't chasing her and by no means do I advocate chasing her, but there's a huge difference between chasing a woman and calling one or two more times to show you care. In fact, again, not trying to be critical but just trying to open your mind a little, it's borderline needy. You are upset because she didn't call you back right away. Is it even possible she didn't get the VM? I have missed VMs for weeks because my phone makes one noise when it comes in and nothing more. I have to call it to know if I have one, that's one thing I don't like about this phone system, and it's name brand (Droid phone from Verizon.) Sometimes a little space is necessary and maybe she just needs some time to do her thing. You said yourself "We had a great date night together. So the next morning, I shot a follow up text. She responded."; "as long as I've known her, she'd respond to a text inshantly"; "if she couldn't answer a phone call, she'd return the voice mail same day."; "...she was just as enthuastic on this last date. Even mentioned how much she was looking forward to our next date when we said goodnight." Yep, sounds like it's over. You should definitely move on. 1
kenmore Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 For what it's worth (and that's very little), my gf and I don't communicate for days, even over a week at a time. We're both busy people and we don't need constant contact. When we start talking, we just pick up from where we left off. Not everyone calls right away, and no offense, but it's a stupid reason to lose a potentially good relationship.
katiegrl Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 For what it's worth (and that's very little), my gf and I don't communicate for days, even over a week at a time. We're both busy people and we don't need constant contact. When we start talking, we just pick up from where we left off. Not everyone calls right away, and no offense, but it's a stupid reason to lose a potentially good relationship. Notwithstanding what I posted earlier (that IF she had high interest, she would *not* be waiting 3+ days to respond back, that a simple text simply acknowledging his voice mail would suffice to indicate interest even though she may not be able to get together again for a few more days or even a week) he *could* just chill and see how it plays out.....but at least WAIT for HER to get back to him. Also remember, unlike your situation kenmore, they are not boyfriend/girlfriend who know each other and have establushed trust. Both their ACTIONS in this VERY early stage need to be paid attention to and responded to accordingly. I don't know of any woman who is truly interested in a man that would wait 3, now 4+ days to send a simple text acknowledging that man's voice mail asking her out again. Especially, in this very early stage where actions speak volumes. That is just plain inconsiderate, and if she IS still interested ...speaks volumes about her level of consideration for him and people in general. In short, it is rude. IMO. But I respect your opinion....just don't agree with it.
JJCaliGirl Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 I am curious though, if she were to pop up later, say this week or next, how would you respond to that? Fitnessfan, I'm curious about this as well. Would you entertain seeing her again if she contacts you sometime this week?
fitnessfan365 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 (edited) I respectfully disagree. In fact, since it was only ten minutes that may be part of the problem. Scenario: you go out with a guy and have a nice date. Next day he texts he'll call you soon then does in ten minutes. Is it serious? Do you even hear the phone? He leaves a message saying you two can arrange a date when you call. Suppose you know you won't be able to go out until next weekend, do you call right away or wait awhile? Why is three days so critical? FF, not to pick on you nor criticize you, but I still feel that reaction is harsh. On the surface it is macho and cool that you aren't chasing her and by no means do I advocate chasing her, but there's a huge difference between chasing a woman and calling one or two more times to show you care. In fact, again, not trying to be critical but just trying to open your mind a little, it's borderline needy. You are upset because she didn't call you back right away. Is it even possible she didn't get the VM? I have missed VMs for weeks because my phone makes one noise when it comes in and nothing more. I have to call it to know if I have one, that's one thing I don't like about this phone system, and it's name brand (Droid phone from Verizon.) Sometimes a little space is necessary and maybe she just needs some time to do her thing. You said yourself "We had a great date night together. So the next morning, I shot a follow up text. She responded."; "as long as I've known her, she'd respond to a text inshantly"; "if she couldn't answer a phone call, she'd return the voice mail same day."; "...she was just as enthuastic on this last date. Even mentioned how much she was looking forward to our next date when we said goodnight." Yep, sounds like it's over. You should definitely move on. I see what you're saying. Plus, I am the biggest advocate of space there is. So normally if I leave a voice mail and a few days go by it's no big deal to me. However, you also have to take her communication consistency into account. - We'd exchange 2-3 texts a piece every few days. Always a response within two hours or less. - We spoke on the phone five times. Three of those she picked up when I called. One time I knew she wouldn't because she was at work. So I left a voice mail for her to call me that night to finalize the next date. She did. One time I wanted to touch base the night before a date and left a voice mail. She sent me a text the next morning saying she forgot to take her phone off silent. So now all of a sudden she just happens to go four straight days without looking at her phone once to see the missed call/voice mail notification? If she wanted to talk to me, she'd follow up like she did every other time. The only reason for such a radical state shift would be her loss of interest. Plus, it would be one thing if I was freaking out over her not getting back to me right away on that same day. But I didn't suggest something was up until DAYS had gone by. I mean you have to admit, that it's pretty weird she goes from constant and consistent communication habits to nothing for days and days. So it isn't a matter of being "macho". It's simply using common sense. Fitnessfan, I'm curious about this as well. Would you entertain seeing her again if she contacts you sometime this week? Based on how consistent she was before, she would have gotten back to me by now. So I am almost 100% certain I won't hear from her. But just for piece of mind, I will shoot her a quick text on Sat if a week goes by. "Tried calling/left vmail last Sat to make plans. I guess it got lost in the shuffle?" If she doesn't respond it will confirm what I already know, and if she does hopefully I'll get some sort of reason for her sudden change of interest out of nowhere. Edited May 27, 2015 by fitnessfan365
kenmore Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 - We'd exchange 2-3 texts a piece every few days. Always a response within two hours or less. - We spoke on the phone five times. Three of those she picked up when I called. One time I knew she wouldn't because she was at work. So I left a voice mail for her to call me that night to finalize the next date. She did. One time I wanted to touch base the night before a date and left a voice mail. She sent me a text the next morning saying she forgot to take her phone off silent. So now all of a sudden she just happens to go four straight days without looking at her phone once to see the missed call/voice mail notification? If she wanted to talk to me, she'd follow up like she did every other time. The only reason for such a radical state shift would be her loss of interest. Plus, it would be one thing if I was freaking out over her not getting back to me right away on that same day. But I didn't suggest something was up until DAYS had gone by. I mean you have to admit, that it's pretty weird she goes from constant and consistent communication habits to nothing for days and days. So it isn't a matter of being "macho". It's simply using common sense. LOL this happened with my wife soon after we broke up. I called the local hospitals to find out if she was in an accident or had a heart attack or something. Later I called her to let her know I did that (guilt trip) but not only a guilt trip, I was really worried about her. It became a guilt trip once I learned she was OK. In answer to your assertion, no I don't admit that. I'll admit it when there is an answer from her. There will be one and you're probably right but it won't be so certain when you hear it. I said my piece. i'm probably wrong, I have been wrong 100% of our relationship, just ask my wife. I had a huge confrontation today at work and I'm making peace with that now, so I'll wish you the best and hope you stay in touch here. I'll just say one more thing (lol you knew I would!) I can't think of any person in my entire life right now who speaks to me every day. To want that is to want to live with someone; otherwise it's unrealistic. Best of luck to you! Ken
fitnessfan365 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 I can't think of any person in my entire life right now who speaks to me every day. To want that is to want to live with someone; otherwise it's unrealistic. Best of luck to you! I actually never said I expect to talk to her daily. In fact, I've made plenty of posts in other threads talking about how I don't like daily communication. As I mentioned, we'd exchange a few texts a piece every few days. Then I'd talk to her on the phone to set up dates a few days prior. But on those select days where we did communicate, she was very consistent. So based on what I've learned about her so far, she wouldn't let four days go by without responding if she was still interested. I plan on shooting her one text at the end of the week just for piece of mind. In most cases I'd walk away. However her interest was so high, that it makes no sense for it to change out of nowhere.
kenmore Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Please let me ask you a question now FF. At face value, you do seem to really like her but I know people post things from a certain perspective. My question is: How much do you really want to keep this relationship going? I have seen responses to your post which say you have had some "hard luck" or maybe just some choices that didn't work out. I ask this because I have struggled with wondering if I have wanted to maintain a relationship that is slow. Yours seemed fast to this point (which is why i suggest working on it) but if it has been slow or worse, you felt it has not been to your liking, it would be a time to get out perhaps! In my case, it has been slow and I wonder if I should maintain it. That said, she has been so supportive, loving and sexual when we talk it's amazing, then she is busy and goes away for awhile. I am so curious about the love, sex and support that a hiatus hardly seems to matter, but I do feel lonely when she's gone. I am still married so don't know how to act. That will change soon and so will my attitude most likely. As for my earlier client, it was so much easier losing him than my wife, I was over it in an hour! He cost less money too! Ken
kenmore Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 I plan on shooting her one text at the end of the week just for piece of mind. In most cases I'd walk away. However her interest was so high, that it makes no sense for it to change out of nowhere. I agree completely! Find out for sure. To do otherwise is not gentlemanly. Who knows what's been going on with her? If nothing, then you know a new side. I blew up at a customer today, Afterward this lady I work with said wow, we learned a new side of Ken today, and yes they did! Everyone has multiple sides. Dating is when you need to learn them! Maybe you'll end up liking it! Ken
RedRobin Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 What's with all the slut shaming on this board? I've slept with less than ten ppl In my life. Didn't sleep with anyone for six months after divorce. He'll hadn't had sex in over a year and a half. Yes I slept with three guys since but the only one that was random was the I love you guy. Other two were guys I met and got to know. It's part of dating It isn't slut shaming to note that your dating method isn't working so well. In general, I always advise people... Men and women... Who are looking for a relationship, to hold off in sex for awhile until they get to know each other a bit. A lot less confusion and drama that way. If you are having sex with basically strangers, then you shouldn't be surprised to be, well... Surprised.
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