Cicerone Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 I'm going to sound a tad psycho, but I've got this gut feeling... lol My fiance is out on her internship for 3 weeks, entering her final week. She's changed a little, she's focused.. I get it.. Always changes when she goes up there. Last time she was there, before we got engaged, we had broke up and she thought she was staying up there, met this boy who has a girlfriend, they liked eachother and slept with eachother once. She realized that's not what she had wanted and worked her way back to wanting me again. After that we decided to take our relationship to the next level. Wedding is in a few months. Anyways.. I don't like them around together, unless its work related. After work, her coworkers usually have fires on property and they chill and relax. Sometimes he's there, other times not. I tell her if he is, to tell me. I'm not comfortable with her being around him for obvious reasons. I trust her, but just keep getting these weird vibes.. She goes out to the movies with her 2 friends, goes back to their little dorm house, texts me for a little then goes to bed. I had a weird feeling for some reason.. So I'm drunk and I make a fake profile on FB, start talking to another guy who works there acting interested in the program. This is at midnight.. He tells me all about it, then is like this is what we do everynight, and sends a picture of the fire. Well behind the fire she sits, quite close, to who I think is the guy I'm not comfortable with her being around. Picture is a hard to see, so its kind of hard to see who the guy really is. This morning, I act like I texted my friend but texted her on "accident" about how the bonfire was, she said it was good. I was like "oops wrong person, but didn't know you went to it." She says she did and then went to bed when she texted me good night at 10. Though the picture, at midnight, was 2 hours after she had said she was going to bed. I ask her who was all there, she tells me the people and mentions the guy's name. Now why can't she tell me he's around? Why do I have to ask? Now I know she can do whatever she wants, but I'd hope she respects me, just like I do when she asks. She texts me goodnight and she's going to bed, but then continues to hang out by the fire until midnight or longer. I just don't get it. I really feel as if she's hiding something, but she just keeps denying everything. Am I just really really over analyzing everything? The guy in the picture may not be him, but still they're sitting very close to eachother, in a weird kind of way. I'm not a jealous person, I do trust her. But my insecurities have shot up when she went there and I started getting weird vibes.
La.Primavera Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 From her point of view it must feel horrible having to tell you every time she sees this guy because it will make you feel bad, and in turn makes her feel guilty. It is understandable why she might not feel like dealing with this insecurity while she is away. On the other hand, I can see why you feel insecure. She slept with him and is in contact with him. All of this is made worse by the fact she is away and isn't being forthcoming about hanging out with him. There are two possible scenarios. She is either hanging out with him (and others) innocently but doesn't want to tell you because she doesn't want to deal with your insecurity, or she is fooling around with this guy on the sly. Either scenario is possible, but only you can decide what that is. There will come a point where you have to decide enough is enough. Being insecure in your relationship can make you paranoid which is exhausting and will take a toll on your self esteem and happiness. You will need to make a decision to either trust her or not. I'm sorry if this answer isn't what you wanted to hear but the truth is we can't control the actions of others, only ourselves. 1
SoftViolin Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 Have you thought that maybe the picture was posted at midnight, but taken before 10? Maybe she is keeping the fact that other guy is around her from you to spare your feelinsg, maybe she is keeping it for some other reason. But you are going to drive yourself crazy if you will be checking up on her, through fake FB friends especially, for several more months. Bottom line is you either trust that she wants you or you don't and seems like you need to decide which it is, especially since you are marrying her in a few months. Feeling this insecurity is the most terrible feeling, we've all been there and it doesn't always easily go away. Think about the fact that while she is enjoying her life and making the best of her summer, you will not make any fun memories, because this guy is all you can think about. So the question is - can you let it go and trust her completely or not?
Author Cicerone Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 From her point of view it must feel horrible having to tell you every time she sees this guy because it will make you feel bad, and in turn makes her feel guilty. It is understandable why she might not feel like dealing with this insecurity while she is away. On the other hand, I can see why you feel insecure. She slept with him and is in contact with him. All of this is made worse by the fact she is away and isn't being forthcoming about hanging out with him. There are two possible scenarios. She is either hanging out with him (and others) innocently but doesn't want to tell you because she doesn't want to deal with your insecurity, or she is fooling around with this guy on the sly. Either scenario is possible, but only you can decide what that is. There will come a point where you have to decide enough is enough. Being insecure in your relationship can make you paranoid which is exhausting and will take a toll on your self esteem and happiness. You will need to make a decision to either trust her or not. I'm sorry if this answer isn't what you wanted to hear but the truth is we can't control the actions of others, only ourselves. No it's a perfectly good answer. There is no right or wrong answer! You're right, maybe she is annoyed with it. I don't blame her, but I do the same for her all the time. When I'm somewhere an ex is, every 20 minuts (is she still there?) I trust her, I truly do. But some things she does just make me eery.
TunaCat Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 You have to decide if you trust her. If you don't trust her, then you need to cut her loose. I can see it from her side, she doesn't want to have to report to you every single time she runs into that guy. If you trust her, then you have to trust that she knows she made a mistake and that she will never do it again. You have to understand that she's working hard at her internship and with you not trusting her, you're stressing her out more. She doesn't need that extra stress. The question is: Do you trust her? You cannot say you trust her, but then are insisting on knowing exactly whenever she's in contact with this guy.
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