HowMightI-live Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) So its been about 8 months now, or maybe alittle less (i think) i lost count after sometime. We were together for 3 and a half years and ive known her for four years. There's been nc between that time as well. The first couple of months were hard. I felt as if i had lost a part of myself in the process of losting her and the initial shock of it all was hard to take in. At times the feeling would become so overwhelming (her not being there) that, i would contemplate the idea of just ending it all. It took some time but that feeling eventually went away. I started seeing a therapist and then eventually started school up. i started feeling more confident in myself and looking forward to the day ahead of me. I still thought about her (a lot) but, it was passing thoughts; they would come and then go. I wasnt dwelling in them as much as i used to. My therapist even noticed a change in me and i started to feel as if i was finally beginning to get over her. And i guess in some small sense, i have gotten over her, i got over the idea that she would one day come back. I got over the compulsive to check my phone every minute, hoping it was her. I got over the notion that she was perfect and the idea that i could never be happy without her. I stopped resenting her for leaving me and stopped polluting my mind with images of her with someone else. But im not over her and today proves it. I dont know why today feels like the day she left me. Why it hurts like it did when she refused to pick up the phone and answer a text. I just dont know what happened. I have so much to be thankful for. I passed all my classes with flying colors, made friends, things are looking up; yet im consumed with this feeling like all the progess i thought i made hadnt been progress at all. Nothing has changed. I feel like i just took 10 steps backs and i dont know what triggered all this. It feels as if i was smacked in the face and all these emotions has just come back up. No, i dont feel like im going to contact her, i just feel...sad. Just like i did that first day, why? All that optimism i had, shattered. Was i just pretending this whole time? I cant figure it out. Can some one relate or offer some kind of explanation for all this? Today is not a good day... Edited May 23, 2015 by HowMightI-live
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