Sadnalone11 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Me and my ex girlfriend dated for 2 1/2 years. The first year of our relationship was great, we had fun, both were together all the time and just enjoyed being around each other. Eventually, she became different. She started trying to control my every move, if she saw me at the store and I didn't tell her I was stopping there, it was because I don't know how to communicate. She would always bash my friends, how they are bad influences, how they are losers ( my friends have houses and cars, most of her friends live with their parents). I have no drug addict friends, nothing anyone should be ashamed of. Anyways, it eventually got to a point where I really started hating her, but being the coward with low self esteem and self respect that I am, I didn't want to hurt HER feelings and felt worse about hurting her than me actually leaving her. I tried to leave a couple of times, but she would send love letters to my house, cry to everyone she knew about me, constantly call and text me how big of a mistake I am making, how I'll never find someone better, she hopes I see what I lost one day etc. She would end up texting me something along the lines of how she is horny and wants to see me because she knows I'll say sure to that, and she lures her way back into my life, only to continue the controlling and manipulative behavior. She would fail to mention she talked to multiple men in between and went on dates with them. If I even questioned her i was pathetic and she couldn't understand why I cared so much if she did. She would cause fights with me, make them way bigger than they had to be, leave and be very cold and mean if I tried to talk to her, blaming the whole fight on me. She fights with her mom and brother a lot, her best friend since childhood recently told her she does not want to be her friend anymore because she thinks she's better than everyone. My ex sat on the phone, crying with her friend telling her this, then proceeds to hang up and look at me, not crying anymore, and say she's just jealous of me, everyone always has been and they try to copy me, she's just a fat piece of ****. that was her best friend ? Anyhow, she broke up with me, so I moved on. I got a new girlfriend, and then she came back full bore, stalking me, going to my moms work to Talk to my mom about me, had her mom and dad call me. Anything she could to get in touch with me she tried. I eventually felt so bad for her, I didn't want to see her that hurt and I went back. Things never got better, she lies to me, I caught her cheating twice but it's my fault because of how I treat her. She goes around making up things about me to her family. I will admit, I hated her so much, when I drank I have said some mean things to her. I always apologized in the morning and felt HORRIBLE about it. She would go out with her friends, take pictures with tons of guys. Then say to me, it's called putting on a brave face, I'm actually hurting. I'm only posting all this because I have a question. Am I insane? I'm starting to think I'm with a narcissist and it's completely killed me. I feel like I've done ALL the wrong in this relationship, and she's off happy with her friends, basically making fun of me. I questioned her about it, and she told me to get over myself, not everything is about me. Although I know it was because of some mutual friends. I think she has a new boyfriend now, so I hope I suffer and get it over with so I can go back to being me. I felt so miserable around her, I just did not look forward to seeing her ever. She just complained about everything and everyone. I'm just looking for some opinions and a way to cope with being threw this and not thinking it's all my fault. Unless it is, please let me know because I'd like to better myself. Thank you
xpaperxcutx Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 She is both a narcissist and a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer. You need therapy after what you've been through. 3
Author Sadnalone11 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 Thank you. I looked them both up everything sounds so familiar. Do you have any tips on how I can get through this and not get sucked back into her wrath that I've been trying to leave for quite some time ?
Downtown Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Thank you. I looked them both up everything sounds so familiar. Do you have any tips on how I can get through this and not get sucked back into her wrath that I've been trying to leave for quite some time ? Sad, if you suspect your exGF has strong traits of BPD and narcissism, I would suggest you take a look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If you find most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. As to your question about how to break free from such a toxic relationship, I recommend Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with BPD (Article 9 at BPDfamily) and Leaving a Partner with BPD (Article 10). If those posts and articles ring many bells, I would be glad to join Papercut in discussing them with you. Take care, Sad. 2
Fleur de cactus Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 First of all, you should be happy that she has a new boyfriend, N people hate and are afraid to be alone. They want and need someone to validate them, they need constant admiration, they cannot change, once they are alone, they are afraid and that is how she can come back to you with a tonne of lies and promises. Please don't buy her lies, dont get back to her. I have been with a N and it hurts so much. Nothing is wrong with you , N know how to manipulate partner, devalue you and make you think that something is wrong with you. Believe me if she is a N, the new relationship will not last long, but dont even think of getting back together. Dont be worried you will be healed slowly but you will heal. You have to cut all communication with her, tell you parents that you do not want to hear anything about her. block her phones, facebook, anything that could remind you about her. N can be mean, and do bad things to hurt you even if you are no longer with her. Stay away from her. Believe me you will get there. my N ex was stalking me, a cheater, a liar, drunk, arrogant. I hurts when the relationship is done, but it hurts more when you stay with them. Be strong. 1
Author Sadnalone11 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Posted May 24, 2015 Thank you all so much. Here is my other dilemma with trying to get through this. She has me on her cell phone plan, and won't allow a time for me to give the phone + money to cancel it back. I went to the store and they said she has to be there. I've asked her to meet me there or meet me somewhere and I'll give her the money and phone. She stopped replying to my texts after that. I asked multiple times and this last time I asked (about 20 days of not seeing eachother) she just ignored it. I don't want to be a scum bag but I also don't want her contacting me because I need to get away. Anyone have any ideas ? I don't want to just leave the bill and phone all to her, but I'm thinking it is my only option. I would just leave it at her house, but her family would track me down and say I didn't give it back to her, start a bunch of problems For me. Her mom showed up at my work one day also, angry, and she took full responsibility saying she knows how her daughter is and it's all her fault. But then encourages her while bashing me at the same time. It hurts
SycamoreCircle Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 OP, this is a telling quote from you: and she lures her way back into my life It's incorrect. She can't lure herself back into your life. She can lure you back into her life. And she does. You have a poor sense of boundaries and she knows it and takes advantage of it. From what you've described, she exhibits narcissistic traits. From what you've described, you exhibit codependent traits. As for this phone plan fiasco, don't use the phone. Have a friend give it back to her with the money. Get yourself a new phone with a new number. Go NC. Block her out of your life. Never look back. Grieve. Date yourself. Put some challenges before yourself. Overcome them. Put this behind you. Move on.
Author Sadnalone11 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Posted May 24, 2015 Wow, thank you very much. I've never heard of the co dependency before, but I looked it up and it sounds a lot like me. I'm going to have to look into it a bit more and see what options I have. Thank you for the advice
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