JohnsonBaby Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Hi guys , So I started this online dating out of curiousity on match .i received alot of attention (emails and "winks"). Throughout emails I selected a few guys ,well I only like one,as most are goodlooking guys with nice words but nothing substantial ,I received alot of pressure from a few of them to close my account and date exclusively ,pretty much the majority of them. The thing is this ,I quite like a guy ..but he doesnt have a car and lives wih his mom and sister at 30+ ...I really like him ,he ticks many boxes and has a great personality ,attitude and spirituality,however the fact he doesn't have a licence ,financial problems and lives with his mom are huge problems to me . In that sense he s completely unsuitable,my ex was financially stable i feel like it would be a downgrade ,plus he lives far. I want someone who's financially stable and unfortunately it doesn't seem he got his life together yet .. The other guys range from doctors to window fitters ,I always look at personality more,however ,financially instability is a huge problem to me ,I have a child,I don't need someone who can't match what I bring to the table. Anyway ,I m still speaking with other guys ad they re pressuring me to get exclusive ,it's quite overwhelming . I only been on this website 12 days . ...
guest569 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Just tell them to bugger off, it's too early to pressure you into exclusivity. You don't need another child, so not having his life in order is a deal breaker, fair enough. Personally I wouldn't mind so much about the lack of licence and living with family, but if he has financial issues that may be a problem, you don't want to share that burden. Having said that, it's just dating. No pressure to jump into anything too soon.
GemmaUK Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Sounds like you are feeling obligated to do what these guys want. You shouldn't. Your dating life is your choice. Any man attempting to push you or rush you into anything is a big red flag. 30+ guy and you are not in the same stages of life at all. If I were you I would keep well away.
Author JohnsonBaby Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) Sounds like you are feeling obligated to do what these guys want. You shouldn't. Your dating life is your choice. Any man attempting to push you or rush you into anything is a big red flag. 30+ guy and you are not in the same stages of life at all. If I were you I would keep well away. No I don't feel obligated really ,I ll still keep my profile ,I just expect them to understand through my words and actions that I m not looking for something superficial ad I m not going to stop searching for a suitable man just because they look good or they tell me flattering things . However,it makes it akward for me to get to know them if they keep pushing for exclusivity so early and calling me baby it kind of makes me uncomfortable ,to my eyes it makes them look easy,fake and with shady intentions I only went on 4 dates so far as I m trying to be as pick as I can while trying to get to know the others over the phone for now .i just feel like they all trying to manipulate me to get rid Of competition . It's uncomfortable. Edited May 23, 2015 by JohnsonBaby
chelsey Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 pushiness in OLD is kind of a red flag. if they want the exclusivity talk before you've even had a few dates it's them being insecure. just tell them you will close the account when you find a boyfriend, then prepare for that talk you don't have to do anything you don't want to. try to focus less on finances because there are some really great guys out there and their job is not always an indication of their financial or emotional stability.
central Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 For every woman I decided to meet, there were 15 or 20 I had no interest in meeting. OLD requires a lot of screening out of poor matches and contacts. And frankly, while this one guy may have the personality you like - in some ways, at least - his lack of life success is a huge red flag. There are others with similar personality traits, but without the serious drawbacks. Please keep looking.
cookiemonster26 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Pushiness right off the bat is definately a big red flag. If they make you feel uncomfortable in any way, simply block them. I've done that in my OLD experiences, and it makes it so Much more stress free
fitnessfan365 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 OLD can be a breeding ground for guys that have trouble meeting women. So they want to latch onto the first one they actually get a date with. In general though, society has become all about instant gratification. A lot of people lack patience these days.
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