Yodaas Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Would really appreciate any input about my situation to get a different perspective. Me and my girlfriend dated for a little over 3 years starting when we were both in high school ( i was 18 and she was 16) she was my first girlfriend and also the one to take my virginity. She has a bad attitude problem...like really bad so nobody really supported the relationship, my friends and family pretty much hated her for how she treated me. She took away my cell phone, made me delete social media, said I couldn't talk to my friends that were girls, wouldn't let me even talk to girls that like worked at a gas station just to say have a nice day or whatever. I wasn't aloud to ever go out with friends..they were only aloud to come over to our house for a few hours if they wanted to see me. she would question literally everything i did like if i were to get home 5 minutes later then usual from work saying stuff like you and another girl coulda done a lot in 5 minutes. i wasn't even aloud to watch TV without her and while we were watching TV..if a girl dressed inappropriately popped up i would have to turn my head really fast and most of the time she would just get mad at me and shut off the TV. I had to stop doing a lot of things that I love like swimming, playing sports, going out with friends because I wasn't aloud to be anywhere where another girl might be. There's a lot more examples of this but i'll try to keep this post short. Anyway we got into an argument 2 months ago and I was getting mad so I said I was going to cool off and just take a walk and then talk to her. She got mad that I was going to go walk around town and packed up her things and went to go stay with her dad and brother who have also told me that she's a terrible girlfriend. That same night i called her crying saying I don't want us to be over and I want to fix things and she said that we both have issues that we need to fix and that a few weeks apart would do us good and we could get back together. I accepted that and we kept in contact for the first few weeks after the breakup. She would pretty much only text me back like twice a day and I would call her a few times a week crying and telling her I'm feeling like I'm losing her. She said there was nothing to worry about and that she didn't want me going out around girls because she wanted to get back together so she agreed that she wouldn't do anything with any guys. A few weeks after the breakup I was missing her so badly so I looked at her instagram account. It was nothing but her going out to parties with different guys every other night since we broke up and even a little bit before we split up. The next day I asked to see her to return the rest of her stuff and confronted her about this asking why are you doing this if you told me not go out at all. She got really mad and started insulting me and my family and said she doesn't care what I think and that she can do whatever she wants and that she was dating a different guy already so she doesn't care about me. After that I blocked her number and have not checked her instagram since then. I realized what kind of person she really was so I said to myself that I was done. I got rid of everything that reminded me of her, started working out like crazy, told people not to talk to me about her. Also after this I seen a mutual friend of ours at the gas station. The friend told me my ex was going around town telling people that I used to beat her every single day and would threaten to kill her if she ever left the house even though she left all the time and wouldn't return until like the early hours in the morning and I wouldn't even dream of hitting anyone let alone someone that I love. So I'm like 5 weeks into NC and I still think about her pretty much every minute of the day even if I'm with friends. Every time I see a couple, I have flashbacks to our few good times that we had. I just feel like my motivation for everything is going away and have thoughts of suicide multiple times a day. Some days are really bad and I skip out on work and just try to sleep all day so I don't have to think about anything. I've been going out a lot to try to distract myself from it but I can't distract myself for too long. Going to bed and waking up alone are the toughest parts of the day by far because being alone after doing everything with someone for 3 years is just torture. I really don't see this getting better any time soon. She on the other hand seems to be getting by pretty easily. She's dating someone else, going out seemingly happy and is even graduating high school this week so it seems like her life is going great while mine is getting worse and worse. I don't see how she can just take 3 years and throw it out the window, she said the last 3 years were just a waste of time. Does she still think about me? Is she the same way with this new boyfriend? Is there any chance she'll come around and realize what she did and find a way to contact me to apologize? We talked about kids and a future together so often, I always took her out and got her gifts and told her how beautiful she was like 20 times a day. I just can't believe that all of those memories can be thrown away just like that. If anyone has been through a similar situation in any way and has any comment on it... I would greatly appreciate it. I honestly can't find a reason to keep living if this is how it's going to be. Thank you for reading and to anyone that has some advice to share.
Lizrd3000 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) You were a pushover in the relationship. Really man? she took YOUR Phone? You need to fix some **** on your side. That aside, she's a horrible person, borderline crazy. She's telling people you beat her and threatened to kill her? I'm assuming that's a lie, 'cause that is bat**** crazy talk. You see, I hope you realize you dodged a nuclear bomb. Move on, she's immature and probably crazy too. You were in a toxic relationship, so it'll take a bit longer to heal from this. You lost your pride and self-worth not only after the break-up, but during the relationship itself too. I can't believe how you can put up with this crap for 3 years. Be happy you didn't actually marry her. She's immature, young and needs to find herself and do ALOT of growing up before she can commit to a normal healthy adult relationship. Don't worry about her new relationship, people don't go from batsh*t crazy to loving and normal after one relationship with a month inbetween. Man, I just hope You realize it's for the better. You seem like a nice person, insecure, but good overall. Work on your own issues before going back into the dating scene, you don't need someone like her again. NC, work out, don't worry about dating in the meanwhile. Don't stalk her, whatever she does, she'll do. Don't care about it, she's not worth your care. Also, It's so very normal to not feel well again 5 weeks after a breakup. Ride out the feelings and do good things with your life. Edited May 23, 2015 by Lizrd3000
Author Yodaas Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 I appreciate the response and yeah looking back I realize it was best to not be with her anymore. What hurts the most is if she's normal with the new guy. Because if that's the case, then I feel like whatever I did wasn't good enough. When we first started dating, she was completely normal for the first few months and then went crazy mode. Do you think someone like that can really change completely in a month? It seems like that was just her character. I just want to know if that's who she is or if it was something to do with me.
Lizrd3000 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) I appreciate the response and yeah looking back I realize it was best to not be with her anymore. What hurts the most is if she's normal with the new guy. Because if that's the case, then I feel like whatever I did wasn't good enough. When we first started dating, she was completely normal for the first few months and then went crazy mode. Do you think someone like that can really change completely in a month? It seems like that was just her character. I just want to know if that's who she is or if it was something to do with me. The first few months of a new relationship, people put on their best faces, untill they're comfortable with the relationship, and then their true character rises to the face of the earth. Trust me on this one, her new relationship may seem perfect and all Sunshine, but someone doesn't change like that, especially if she hasn't been hurt. My experience is that people only change in a crisis in their life. She hasn't had one, so she hasn't had the motivation to change. Don't worry about it, she hasn't changed and her new relationship will be **** too, poor poor new guy. Also, it's none of your concern. Focus on yourself. I do get where you're coming from, though. Edit: you being a pushover didn't really help her with her behaviour, but people don't do the **** she did, even when their boyfriend was a pushover. So it was mostly her, she'll be crazy like this even with another man with a whole set of different personality traits. Edited May 23, 2015 by Lizrd3000
Author Yodaas Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 Yeah that makes a lot of sense. Her new relationship seems to be starting out the same way ours did so I wouldn't be too shocked if it ends up the same. Let's say this guy recognizes her behavior and leaves her for it...do you think she would realize that I was willing to give up everything for her and maybe change her ways for me? Or do you think she would just try it out on another guy after that? Reason I'm asking isn't really because I want her back. It's more so that I find it hard to believe that she never thinks about me after all that I did for her for 3 years. I never really got any closure so It would be nice to hear from her one day at least saying sorry for all of this.
Meli22 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 You dodged a bullet with this one. I said in your previous post, you were set for a miserable life and her controlling ways would have only gotten worse. Just think to yourself... This new guy has to put up with all that. She's now become a project for somebody else - good luck to him! And that relationship may not be what it seems. She sounds messed up. She'll likely scare this guy off too.
Meli22 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Yeah that makes a lot of sense. Her new relationship seems to be starting out the same way ours did so I wouldn't be too shocked if it ends up the same. Let's say this guy recognizes her behavior and leaves her for it...do you think she would realize that I was willing to give up everything for her and maybe change her ways for me? Or do you think she would just try it out on another guy after that? Reason I'm asking isn't really because I want her back. It's more so that I find it hard to believe that she never thinks about me after all that I did for her for 3 years. I never really got any closure so It would be nice to hear from her one day at least saying sorry for all of this. She probably does think of you. Unless she's a total sociopath. But people like this don't change. It's how they're wired. Even if she was to change, she would soon slip back into her old ways. Also, in her eyes she probably hasn't done anything wrong because people like this assume that they are the ones doing things properly. I can speak from experience because my ex was the same.
aloneinaz Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 What hurts the most is if she's normal with the new guy. I don't think this is accurate at all. Maybe she can grow up a little bit but her behavior likely will be the same when the honeymoon phase ends. I had a GF who probably had Borderline Personality Disorder. What a treat she was. I got over her though it can be very hard. What helped was understanding how she treated me wasn't caused by anything I was doing. I also feel bad for whoever is with her now and the hell I'm sure they are living..
Author Yodaas Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 I appreciate the responses everyone! It's nice just to have reassurance on the whole situation. I just don't see why it's taking this long to get over someone like her.
quattrob Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Word of advice, stop checking on whats going on with her and in her life.. The fact that you know whats going on with her and her life sets you back from healing and moving on. You asked alot of pointless questions like "do you guys think she thinks of you?" And "how can she just throw everything out the window after 3 years?", these questions dont matter because the relationship is over and all u need to know is she didnt appreciate the relationship otherwise you wouldnt be where you're at now. Stop focusing on what shes thinking or whats going on in her life and focus on your own. 1
Author Yodaas Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 I'm trying to get that mindset that it's over but i loved her with everything that i had and i showed it to her so i guess there's a part of me that's still holding on to a shred of hope that she'll come back and change for the better. In our 3 years of dating she didn't go out to parties and hanging around guys (that I know of) so idk i had a thought that she's going through a phase in her life and maybe she would get over it
Lizrd3000 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 I'm trying to get that mindset that it's over but i loved her with everything that i had and i showed it to her so i guess there's a part of me that's still holding on to a shred of hope that she'll come back and change for the better. In our 3 years of dating she didn't go out to parties and hanging around guys (that I know of) so idk i had a thought that she's going through a phase in her life and maybe she would get over it I know man. It's just heart-breaking to see someone you ''thought'' you knew, suddenly change, because you'll doubt yourself if you even ever knew that person really that well. Or you blame yourself for not getting to know her better. My ex never really went to parties to socialize or something, just now and then, here and there, because it was someones birthday. But now, she suddenly goes out alot, makes alot of pictures of herself being all pimped up (she looks so much worse now man... what the f*ck....). Its just so sad that people can change like that, disregard your love for them, and do whatever they please. But thats life man, and it's tough. You better toughen up if you want to keep living in this world.
Author Yodaas Posted May 24, 2015 Author Posted May 24, 2015 I guess that's the risk you gotta take dating someone when they're around 20 years old. I never expected her to change into that
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