movingforward1 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Hi. Long story short, my girlfriend of 2 years dumped me for what my friends and I agreed to be "resolvable, hollow issues." Turns out she has Grass is Greener Syndrome. Anyways, we broke up 1.5 months ago and I'm 1 month into NC. I've gotten a lot better and just need one last push I think. It still hurts because I loved her, but my emotions are primarily anger and disappointment rather than sadness and longing. I no longer just WANT her back, however I'm open to her WORKING to get me back. If not, I can survive without her. The ONE last thing keeping me from breaking free is the thought of her with the other guy. See, she and I helped each other grow tremendously these 2 years. On her side, she's always wanted to dance and wear "sexy" clothes but she never had the confidence. I was the one to give her self-esteem boosts and take dance lessons with her. Now I found out from a mutual friend she's going to dances with this new guy and she's wearing sexy clothes. This is the last and toughest pill for me to swallow. This guy just came into her life and is ENJOYING the things I helped her grow into. I feel like a loser, like I just did this guy a huge favor. I feel small and inadequte. Logically, I know it's her life and she can do as she pleases but I can't help but feel like I helped make her who she is today and she's just having another man enjoy that, nevermind sex. Please, any wise words or advice would help me get past this. I've already removed her social media and haven't checked on it in a month. It still bugs me and plagues my thoughts.
Meli22 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 For me, my break up was very confusing and messy. I think the problems arose from my ex thinking there was better out there. He didn't say that exactly, but his behaviours and reasoning all point to this. There was no other reason (arguments, problems etc) .. He just kept saying this isn't good enough for US. Yes us, when really it was just him but he obviously didn't want full responsibility for it. It had to be me to cut the chord too because he just wasn't making any decisions. Very long, draining and frustrating. Anyway, my point is, for me it's like... You've chosen to self sabotage our relationship because you feel there's better out there. As I say, he didn't say this but his personality and behaviours made it seem this way. I just think, fine. You go and find miss perfect. I'll find someone who DOES appreciate me and DOES want to be with me completely. It's a tough pill to swallow and we can't help but take it personally but really it's not our fault, it's THEIR issue. They're the ones who would throw something away to just see what else is out there. They're also the ones that are likely to do this with every relationship. I listen and take comfort from when people say to me that I can do so much better, and that it's his loss. There's a lot more to my story and to be honest it wasn't a very healthy relationship (he was controlling, insecure and possessive). But that's just my take on things
forumman83 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 we feel you. breakups are always tough. it is likely that your ex is in a rebound relationship. i ask you , however, what are you doing during this time to better yourself as a man? or are you sitting around hoping that she comes back to you? if you don't fix the issues that caused the breakup then the same thing would happen again anyways.
aloneinaz Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 OP- honestly, you sound like you're doing great in the healing process. It takes time to heal and move forward 100%. Your thinking about her w/another guy and HIM benefiting from what you helped her with is also normal. Everyone thinks this way. These feeling will continue to lessen and the hurt will continue to diminish. As the others have mentioned, keep working on you. Stay busy, work out. When you're ready to start dating again, do it. As soon as you meet and get involved with your next GF, you'll no longer give a rats butt about her or who she's with.
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