na27 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 I won't get into all the details of the breakup since I did that in an earlier thread but the jist is I was broken up with last Wednesday, and was in a weird state of "sort-of-broken-up" for two weeks before that since we were having a lot of issues and couldn't even decide if we were dating or not. But I need some help on something in particular - life after the breakup. I'm doing a good job with keeping a healthy level of activity. I am prone to busying myself until I break but I've been allowing myself free time to just cry it out and deal with it headfirst but also keeping all of my big plans. Now, here's the problem. Since the official breakup, I've had tons of exciting plans. I attended a release party for a book I helped make, I had an awards night ceremony where I actually won stuff, and I had a concert where I won a meet and greet with the band. I also had smaller, still fun plans where I went out to dinner with friends on two different nights. However, I am so sad to say that I barely enjoyed any of these things. I would experience very short periods of happiness where I'd be distracted for about a minute but then become overwhelmingly depressed again. I am trying very hard and being the healthiest I can when approaching healing for the breakup. Is this normal? Does anyone else have issues having fun and being happy after the breakup? I'm really having an issue right now. These three events in particular this week were events I was looking forward to and thinking about every day since December. But when I actually went to them, I was still just as sad, just slightly more distracted. Will I start to enjoy some of these things over time? How long did it take everyone else, if you experienced the same thing? Also, do you often feel completely drained even after fun events? I feel like simply going out takes a lot of effort and strength. It's very frustrating to feel like you don't have the motivation or excitement for anything - especially things you were previously passionate about. Is this a normal feeling or am I a step beyond depressed?
StalwartMind Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 It is normal to not enjoy your favorite things anymore after a breakup/going through depression. The period to start enjoying things again can vary from person to person but slowly you should see and feel progress. Allow yourself to be okay with this period not being the most amazing time of your life, regardless of how eventful or otherwise exciting the things you attend may or could of been. 1
aloneinaz Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Give yourself BIG props for getting out of the house and doing all that your doing. I couldn't eat, sleep or drink for two weeks after my break up. NOTHING excited me, I couldn't focus on anything and didn't care about anything. Luckily, I pulled out of that deep funk on week three. What you're experiences is ABSOLUTELY normal and to be honest you appear to be doing MUCH better than most at this stage. That's a good sign.. 1
hunk Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Completely normal, it's essentially depression. It does and will get better, just keep actively trying to busy yourself in the mean time. I remember thinking I was never going to feel normal again, when I was out with friends I remember feeling like I was on the brink of breaking down every second, I would've rather been at home in bed. Everything felt numb and I was well and truly depressed, I felt insane. This went on for months, until I was done with it. 1
LadyDeadpool Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 It is completely normal, however, you seem like the type where being busy just makes things worse because your mind is going from being hectic from the breakup to being hectic from BOTH the breakup and all the things you are doing. You need to just get away for a weekend or a week. Go somewhere remote. Somewhere where you can be alone with yourself. I know it sounds silly, but if you go away to somewhere like a beach or a cabin and just let yourself feel your pain for a little while without having to worry about putting on a brave face for work or whatever, you'll find yourself refreshed at the end of your hiatus. For others it works to keep busy so they forget about their pain for a while, but for you i think you need one giant scream fest in some secluded area. Somewhere where your only task is to feel and no one is there to witness your tears. Cry for a weekend, a week. However long you need. 1
guest569 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) It took me a while before I could enjoy things again.. pretty much everything was dreary for quite some time and I had to avoid anything that reminded me of my ex (which was basically everything). A few months later I was able to go to the cafe we met, I could do the activities we did on dates without really thinking of him. I still get a little sad when I think of him but I am able to enjoy myself. It was also really hard for me to get out of bed and function at work, couldn't eat, and spent a lot of time sleeping to avoid everything. Certainly felt very drained majority of the time! Edited May 23, 2015 by smiley1 2
Author na27 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 Completely normal, it's essentially depression. It does and will get better, just keep actively trying to busy yourself in the mean time. I remember thinking I was never going to feel normal again, when I was out with friends I remember feeling like I was on the brink of breaking down every second, I would've rather been at home in bed. Everything felt numb and I was well and truly depressed, I felt insane. This went on for months, until I was done with it. I feel the same way when I am out with friends too, and I also kind of feel insane. I am glad that I am not alone in this feeling and I hope that I am done with it soon. I always want to stay in bed the whole day and it does take a tremendous amount of energy to actually get out of it. 1
hunk Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Yep, don't worry. Totally normal. I used to spend entire days in bed because I just couldn't get up and face living. I'd wake up and just want to go back to sleep forever. I promise this will go, and faster than you think. It's depression, we'd rather sleep to avoid the pain and that's totally normal. Just know it WILL fade away and you WILL feel normal again. But yeah, the insane feeling is troubling. You just feel completely on edge and anxious 24/7, and as if you're living in some weird out of body alter reality or something.
Author na27 Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 It is normal to not enjoy your favorite things anymore after a breakup/going through depression. The period to start enjoying things again can vary from person to person but slowly you should see and feel progress. Allow yourself to be okay with this period not being the most amazing time of your life, regardless of how eventful or otherwise exciting the things you attend may or could of been. I am very glad to hear that this is normal. Thank you for the reassurance.
Author na27 Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Give yourself BIG props for getting out of the house and doing all that your doing. I couldn't eat, sleep or drink for two weeks after my break up. NOTHING excited me, I couldn't focus on anything and didn't care about anything. Luckily, I pulled out of that deep funk on week three. What you're experiences is ABSOLUTELY normal and to be honest you appear to be doing MUCH better than most at this stage. That's a good sign.. Thank you so much. I honestly don't feel any better by the day and it is very hard to force myself out of bed. It's very strange because each day that I don't have a morning commitment, (work, outing, etc.) I usually wake up in mid-afternoon and still find it hard to drag myself out of bed. I am managing and trying to go on with life as much as I can. I wanted to skip an event with my friends recently after breakup and my friend told me: "Don't let him hold you back from doing the things you wanted to do before he ruined it." This line honestly has kept me going, it's reminded me and pushed me that I shouldn't let someone else keep me from living. Thank you for your insight - and I hope it will get easier to get out of bed as the days go on.
Author na27 Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 It is completely normal, however, you seem like the type where being busy just makes things worse because your mind is going from being hectic from the breakup to being hectic from BOTH the breakup and all the things you are doing. You need to just get away for a weekend or a week. Go somewhere remote. Somewhere where you can be alone with yourself. I know it sounds silly, but if you go away to somewhere like a beach or a cabin and just let yourself feel your pain for a little while without having to worry about putting on a brave face for work or whatever, you'll find yourself refreshed at the end of your hiatus. For others it works to keep busy so they forget about their pain for a while, but for you i think you need one giant scream fest in some secluded area. Somewhere where your only task is to feel and no one is there to witness your tears. Cry for a weekend, a week. However long you need. Any free days that I have, I let myself grieve properly and I also think that a weekend or something would be beneficial. Hopefully I'll have a few days open up without work or events and I can use the time to try and work towards healing. Thank you for the advice.
Author na27 Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 It took me a while before I could enjoy things again.. pretty much everything was dreary for quite some time and I had to avoid anything that reminded me of my ex (which was basically everything). A few months later I was able to go to the cafe we met, I could do the activities we did on dates without really thinking of him. I still get a little sad when I think of him but I am able to enjoy myself. It was also really hard for me to get out of bed and function at work, couldn't eat, and spent a lot of time sleeping to avoid everything. Certainly felt very drained majority of the time! This is exactly how I'm feeling now. I'm able to go out and do these things, but it is very difficult and I'm depressed the whole time I'm out. I also find it hard to be places or even pass places when I'm driving that we'd always go. Hopefully, I'll be able to get to the place that you are at and be okay with seeing these places, just dealing with a little sadness. I feel drained still every day and am holding on to the hope that the feelings will get less intense by the day. Thank you for giving me your own experience.
Author na27 Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Yep, don't worry. Totally normal. I used to spend entire days in bed because I just couldn't get up and face living. I'd wake up and just want to go back to sleep forever. I promise this will go, and faster than you think. It's depression, we'd rather sleep to avoid the pain and that's totally normal. Just know it WILL fade away and you WILL feel normal again. But yeah, the insane feeling is troubling. You just feel completely on edge and anxious 24/7, and as if you're living in some weird out of body alter reality or something. Thank god it'll fade away - you are very reassuring and I appreciate it. Right now I am still on edge and feel so unstable that I often question how I am functioning. Thank you for your help - I'm looking forward to the day when this all starts to hurt less.
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