ird Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Hi LS, brand new to this website but glad I found it so I have somewhere neutral to vent about my relationship issues. I've been with this guy since January and he lives an hour away. We see each other frequently enough and I stay over for days at a time(usually weekends.) But when we're away I have the tendancy to text him WAY too much. I end up sending a paragraph at a time while he replies normally(a sentence or two, whatever, doesn't bother me.) I also have a habit of constantly reminding him that I'm there for him, that I love him, that I love our relationship, etc etc you get the point I hope. Anyway sometimes I feel like by being so clingy that I'll push him away. To make more sense of this, he's 6 years older than me and this is my first real relationship. This is probably his second "real" relationship. I lost my virginity to him but he's had sex(or been intimate with? idk) with 4 or 5 other girls or so. for the record I'm 18 and he's 24. Do you guys think I could be putting our relationship in jeopardy by being too clingy or "lovey" as I like to call it?
El Pallasso Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Do you guys think I could be putting our relationship in jeopardy by being too clingy or "lovey" as I like to call it? Yes. Being clingy will eventually push most men away. 1
GA000 Jenny Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 I think you are doing far too much and he could soon get tired. Personally, although I am a woman, I wouldn't want anyone to act like that with me, I would think 'give me a break!'. I also find txt messages annoying and have no patience to answer them. Men even less, in my experience. You should make him desire you by not being so 'obviously there 100% of the time'. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 You need to back off a bit. Yes, it's too clingy. And yes, you could jeopardize your relationship. Why do you text him messages like that so much? Are you hoping he'll respond with similar affirmations?
Hawaii51 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Get a hobby. Purposefully unplug and turn off your phone. More walking- less talking. Be there for yourself more instead. Text me? 1
joseb Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 You seem to know that you are doing things that come across as clingy and needy - so why are you doing them?
Redhead14 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Hi LS, brand new to this website but glad I found it so I have somewhere neutral to vent about my relationship issues. I've been with this guy since January and he lives an hour away. We see each other frequently enough and I stay over for days at a time(usually weekends.) But when we're away I have the tendancy to text him WAY too much. I end up sending a paragraph at a time while he replies normally(a sentence or two, whatever, doesn't bother me.) I also have a habit of constantly reminding him that I'm there for him, that I love him, that I love our relationship, etc etc you get the point I hope. Anyway sometimes I feel like by being so clingy that I'll push him away. To make more sense of this, he's 6 years older than me and this is my first real relationship. This is probably his second "real" relationship. I lost my virginity to him but he's had sex(or been intimate with? idk) with 4 or 5 other girls or so. for the record I'm 18 and he's 24. Do you guys think I could be putting our relationship in jeopardy by being too clingy or "lovey" as I like to call it? It appears that you may be a little to clingy or lovey, as you say. I'd follow his lead so to speak. You send long texts and get short ones back. Either he's not into texting very much or just doesn't want to read a "book" on his phone. And, only be as lovey as he is. Mirror his actions for a while. In the early stages of dating, make sure there is space. If you spend an entire weekend together, don't text or call him for a couple of days. Let him reach out to you first, for the most part. Communication in between needs to be balanced. He reaches out, you respond in kind. You initiate once to his two. What is your relationship status? Are you at least exclusive? Have you had any conversation about what each of your wants out of your dating journeys? Does he want only a casual relationship or is he looking for long-term committed? What do you want? And, it's not about with each other at this point, it's just what you each want for yourselves with someone in the long run. Make sure you two are on the same page with that at least. 1
Author ird Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 thanks for the replies, guys I do text him with some hope that i'll get that kind of attention back, but that's not the reason I'm so overbearing. I just want to let him know that I love him and stuff. I do realize what I'm doing but I didn't realize it was bad/could end up ruining my relationship. Our relationship is exclusive, he wants a long term relationship, as do I. We both know what we want from the relationship, just being long-term and seeing what happens in the future. We're both happy from what I can tell. He's not unhappy as I see it. But okay I'll try to tone it down and not bother him as much. Sometimes I just get bored and the first thing I turn to is my phone but I suppose I'll have to distract myself with friends/games/etc. Thank you guys. I'm glad I got this under control before it messed something up.
preraph Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Commitment should be made in small increments and you should never leap-frog way ahead of the other person's actions and stated intentions. By doing so, you are creating an unhealthy imbalance in the relationship and sending a clear message that you are desperate and will put up with a lot -- because you already have. You're pledging your everlasting love and support to someone who hasn't even come close to doing the same for you. Being clingy and needy like this is NOT attractive, and I don't know where people get the idea that it is. It's immediately pathetic looking and people will rightfully lose respect for you because of it and start pulling away.
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