Really wanting to hold her... Real close to contacting...

May 22, 2015

Been 2 weeks or so Now, we run into each other because we share the same mutual friends, go to the same places(small town) She mentioned taking a break and I agreed willingly almost to act like I didn't care so she didn't see me hurt or anything. We've ran into each other twice. She broke nc the first time. I broke it the second time. She did mention she wanted to hangout as a big group, which I said maybe too. Right now I'm at work and can't help but thinking I'm dying to see her. Not just see her but be affectionate hold her and squeeze her. I've gone through many breakups before and I can stick it out and I know I can with this one as well. But I'm so close to just telling her to bring her behind over here and let me love up on her. Ideas?

May 22, 2015

Been 2 weeks or so Now, we run into each other because we share the same mutual friends, go to the same places(small town) She mentioned taking a break and I agreed willingly almost to act like I didn't care so she didn't see me hurt or anything. We've ran into each other twice. She broke nc the first time. I broke it the second time. She did mention she wanted to hangout as a big group, which I said maybe too. Right now I'm at work and can't help but thinking I'm dying to see her. Not just see her but be affectionate hold her and squeeze her. I've gone through many breakups before and I can stick it out and I know I can with this one as well. But I'm so close to just telling her to bring her behind over here and let me love up on her. Ideas?

Yes, don't do it. She asked for a "break" which is short for a break up. That means she doesn't want to see you now and maybe forever.

What you should do is vanish from her life. Give her what she wants and move on. I'd avoid "running into her" and I'd never consider "hanging out with her in a group"..

I don't want to be harsh but, damn. Get your balls back from her and STOP letting her make all the decisions. She's NOT respecting you for it nor is she missing you cause your still around. YOU need to take charge of this situation and control what happens moving forward.

If you really want another chance (which I think is wrong), the only way you'll get it is to vanish from her life. No contact. Don't reply to her in any way. Block her on all social media. She's not going to ever miss you or wonder what your doing while you being her door mat and she's controlling everything. You really want to screw w/her head? Go on a few dates and even better if she saw you. This tells her that you're ok with her decision to not see you anymore AND you're not going to be her BIT** and sulk and wait for her to finally dump you.

Man up my man..

May 22, 2015

Thanks bud. I appreciate the bluntness. So if she reaches out I keep ignoring completely. In her defense she is very good about contacting me or apologizing if she takes a while to respond,etc. Seems like you're reccomending I just completely forget abt her. Which I'll do, just wondering what you'll recommend if she comes chasing.

May 22, 2015

Yes, don't do it. She asked for a "break" which is short for a break up. That means she doesn't want to see you now and maybe forever.

What you should do is vanish from her life. Give her what she wants and move on. I'd avoid "running into her" and I'd never consider "hanging out with her in a group"..

I don't want to be harsh but, damn. Get your balls back from her and STOP letting her make all the decisions. She's NOT respecting you for it nor is she missing you cause your still around. YOU need to take charge of this situation and control what happens moving forward.

If you really want another chance (which I think is wrong), the only way you'll get it is to vanish from her life. No contact. Don't reply to her in any way. Block her on all social media. She's not going to ever miss you or wonder what your doing while you being her door mat and she's controlling everything. You really want to screw w/her head? Go on a few dates and even better if she saw you. This tells her that you're ok with her decision to not see you anymore AND you're not going to be her BIT** and sulk and wait for her to finally dump you.

Man up my man..

Absolute rubbish in my opinion. Why play all the games? It is almost laughable to read some of this stuff...

OP, be a mature adult and just go on about your life. Live for you and only you right now. It's tough, but playing stupid games (blocking this, ignoring that) is childish. Let her figure it out and take time for yourself to figure you out.

When/if she tells you she does not want to continue the relationship with you and/if she turns it cruel *then* do the blocking, etc...

May 22, 2015

Thanks bud. I appreciate the bluntness. So if she reaches out I keep ignoring completely. In her defense she is very good about contacting me or apologizing if she takes a while to respond,etc. Seems like you're reccomending I just completely forget abt her. Which I'll do, just wondering what you'll recommend if she comes chasing.

I have to say I'm more with aloneinaz than frigginlost on this one, because the hardcore adage of "He who cares the least controls the most" springs to mind.

I wouldn't say you should stop caring about her, to clarify. But definitely dump the wishful thinking, because it just makes you feel worse.

Try to come to terms with this: As said, 'break' is just a shortcut to break-UP.

So make like you're moving on, and don't display any form of angst, regret, clinginess, neediness or even mild desperation.

ACT like you're fine; you're not going with the dying swan scene....

And if she decides she wants to keep trying, then you guys should seriously consider some form of counselling to improve communication skills....

May 22, 2015

i have to say i'm more with aloneinaz than frigginlost on this one, because the hardcore adage of "he who cares the least controls the most" springs to mind.

I wouldn't say you should stop caring about her, to clarify. But definitely dump the wishful thinking, because it just makes you feel worse.

Try to come to terms with this: As said, 'break' is just a shortcut to break-up.

so make like you're moving on, and don't display any form of angst, regret, clinginess, neediness or even mild desperation.
Act like you're fine; you're not going with the dying swan scene....

and if she decides she wants to keep trying, then you guys should seriously consider some form of counselling to improve communication skills....

^^^ this!!

May 22, 2015

^^^ this!!

Aw.... thank you.... I feel bad now.....

To be honest, I shouldn't even really be advising the OP at all...it's obvious he's a Chelsea supporter whereas I'm an ardent Arsenal fan...

(For those who don't know, two UK Soccer/football clubs who are deadly rivals...!)

May 22, 2015

Been 2 weeks or so Now, we run into each other because we share the same mutual friends, go to the same places(small town) She mentioned taking a break and I agreed willingly almost to act like I didn't care so she didn't see me hurt or anything. We've ran into each other twice. She broke nc the first time. I broke it the second time. She did mention she wanted to hangout as a big group, which I said maybe too. Right now I'm at work and can't help but thinking I'm dying to see her. Not just see her but be affectionate hold her and squeeze her. I've gone through many breakups before and I can stick it out and I know I can with this one as well. But I'm so close to just telling her to bring her behind over here and let me love up on her. Ideas?

Well...

It's kinda true that break = break-up, BUT not always. I'm not giving your hopes up, but the fact is, it's not always like that since every couple is different.

Actually, I can't really say something here because you don't tell us the reason why she asked for a break.

I can't also say that what you're doing right now (NC, no, NC, no) is childish. Many couples do that; young, adult, etc. That's the part of dating and I completely understand.

So can you please say the reason why she asked for a break?

May 22, 2015

Absolute rubbish in my opinion. Why play all the games? It is almost laughable to read some of this stuff...

Don't hold back, tell me what you think! LMAO.. The only games I suggested was to make her jealous if you wanted to really try and get her back. Yes, it's a mind game but a very effective one.

OP, be a mature adult and just go on about your life. Live for you and only you right now. It's tough, but playing stupid games (blocking this, ignoring that) is childish. Let her figure it out and take time for yourself to figure you out.

Sorry, ignoring and blocking someone who tells you basically "I don't love you enough" to keep dating or seeing you. The message is "I want to break up to date other guys". This isn't games. It's about self preservation. It's to allow you to heal from the rejection and NOT get strung along emotionally while the dumper "decides" the final fate of the relationship. It allows the dumpee to regain control of the situation. Yes, the dumper ended the relationship but now the dumpee gets to decide if they will ever want contact with them again.

When/if she tells you she does not want to continue the relationship with you and/if she turns it cruel *then* do the blocking, etc...

This is absolutely HORRIBLE advice. OP, don't listen to it. Have some pride and self respect. You don't need to allow her to make all the decisions. You owe her NOTHING. No logical, rational person would simply sit back and wait to get dumped! People with good self esteem would never allow that. They'd take the hint, accept they are not wanted and move on. People who state they need a break are to cowardly to simply end the relationship. They are not wanting to get back together and if they do it doesn't last long.

May 22, 2015

It's kinda true that break = break-up, BUT not always. I'm not giving your hopes up, but the fact is, it's not always like that since every couple is different.

No.

EVERY break is a break up. Even if you try to fuse the chain back together, the chain will end up breaking again. It's a matter of time, not if. Once a relationship has been severed, there's no surgery to fix it.

TC, face and embrace the pain. There's no way to get her back, and honestly, if she were worth getting back, she would've never been gone in the first place. Stay strong.

May 22, 2015

If this is the relationship that began in 2013, it's absolutely a dead duck in the water, and actually you need to get off the damn fence, stop letting her mess with your life and walk as far away from this as possible.

IF this is the 2013 lady - you're in for a whole lot of "lather, rinse repeat" for the foreseeable future.

May 22, 2015

Appreciate the replies even from my fellow league rivals. @Raven. She had a couple reasons. Wasn't ready for a relationship, felt we should havent rushed into things, the main one was she was considering in going to a school out of town didn't want to get too serious with anyone.

May 22, 2015

Appreciate the replies even from my fellow league rivals. @Raven. She had a couple reasons. Wasn't ready for a relationship, felt we should havent rushed into things, the main one was she was considering in going to a school out of town didn't want to get too serious with anyone.

Here, I'll decipher that for you- "Sorry, you're not ringing my bell, I've lost interest and want my options open for someone better"...

May 22, 2015

Don't hold back, tell me what you think! LMAO.. The only games I suggested was to make her jealous if you wanted to really try and get her back. Yes, it's a mind game but a very effective one.

Always a great way to understand how someone truly feels about a situation: Manipulation and mind games. Childish, immature, and reeks of low self esteem. But hey, if that's your thing...

OP, be a mature adult and just go on about your life. Live for you and only you right now. It's tough, but playing stupid games (blocking this, ignoring that) is childish. Let her figure it out and take time for yourself to figure you out.

Sorry, ignoring and blocking someone who tells you basically "I don't love you enough" to keep dating or seeing you. The message is "I want to break up to date other guys". This isn't games. It's about self preservation. It's to allow you to heal from the rejection and NOT get strung along emotionally while the dumper "decides" the final fate of the relationship. It allows the dumpee to regain control of the situation. Yes, the dumper ended the relationship but now the dumpee gets to decide if they will ever want contact with them again.

No, it's crying like a little girl and taking your ball and going home. My ex wife wanted a break when we were dating... we ended up married for 17 years. Your logic is flawed. Badly.

This is absolutely HORRIBLE advice. OP, don't listen to it. Have some pride and self respect. You don't need to allow her to make all the decisions. You owe her NOTHING. No logical, rational person would simply sit back and wait to get dumped! People with good self esteem would never allow that. They'd take the hint, accept they are not wanted and move on. People who state they need a break are to cowardly to simply end the relationship. They are not wanting to get back together and if they do it doesn't last long.

Jeez...

People who play mind games are far more cowardly...

May 23, 2015

Try and use logic to talk yourself out of it. What you want and what is reality are two different things. Whether you contact her or not, it is unlikely your wish will be granted, so best not to appear needy.

May 23, 2015

No.

EVERY break is a break up. Even if you try to fuse the chain back together, the chain will end up breaking again. It's a matter of time, not if. Once a relationship has been severed, there's no surgery to fix it.

I appreciate your opinion. That's how you look at it.

I'm just a non believer of a word "every".

@Raven. She had a couple reasons. Wasn't ready for a relationship, felt we should havent rushed into things, the main one was she was considering in going to a school out of town didn't want to get too serious with anyone.

Wasn't ready for a relationship?

Then why would she enter one?

I think the best thing you can do right now is to give her space. Good luck.

May 23, 2015

No.

EVERY break is a break up. Even if you try to fuse the chain back together, the chain will end up breaking again. It's a matter of time, not if. Once a relationship has been severed, there's no surgery to fix it.

TC, face and embrace the pain. There's no way to get her back, and honestly, if she were worth getting back, she would've never been gone in the first place. Stay strong.

This isn't true, my best friend went on a break with his girlfriend. 2 years later they're still together and getting a house soon. My friend said he never believed in breaks until he experienced one, he said the couple of weeks apart improved their relationship. And no, neither of them seen other people, it was simply a case of them getting on each others nerves and needing time apart.

May 23, 2015

This isn't true, my best friend went on a break with his girlfriend. 2 years later they're still together and getting a house soon. My friend said he never believed in breaks until he experienced one, he said the couple of weeks apart improved their relationship. And no, neither of them seen other people, it was simply a case of them getting on each others nerves and needing time apart.

I like hearing success stories from breaks or break ups. The reality is the success rate of reconciliations is very small. When the relationship fails again, both parties have to go thru all the pain a second time.

May 23, 2015

I like hearing success stories from breaks or break ups. The reality is the success rate of reconciliations is very small. When the relationship fails again, both parties have to go thru all the pain a second time.

It's just proof 'breaks' can work. A lot of people assume a break means a break up, it does not. Sometimes people do need time apart, a week or two just to cool down and reassess. To suggest 'every' break is a break up is naive, all situations are different. I'm not trying to give the OP hope, i'm just saying it's not all one way or the other.

May 23, 2015

It's just proof 'breaks' can work. A lot of people assume a break means a break up, it does not. Sometimes people do need time apart, a week or two just to cool down and reassess. To suggest 'every' break is a break up is naive, all situations are different. I'm not trying to give the OP hope, i'm just saying it's not all one way or the other.

I'm agreeing with you that some breaks CAN help get a relationship back on track. I'm just a realist and in many different relationships I've experienced, any time a relationship I was in included a break or break up, it didn't have a happy ending despite how badly I or them wanted it to work.

Reading on this site, it appears the same for most here as well.

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