seminoles84 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 Hi all - I'll try to keep this short. Been a member of this board for awhile. First major "serious" relationship from college break up and my most recent a year ago. This place has literally kept me sane. Some of you might have seen my post and you either hate me or love my methods as I'm pretty short and not a BSer. I wanted to give you all a little update that might brighten your Friday. I made all the rookie mistakes of contacting my ex, trying to be friends. Everything you could do wrong, I did. It was an absolute nightmare. Well after 5 months of NC my Ex contacted me and we spent 5 hours talking. She's breaking up with her current ex and basically poured her heart to me. You know the typical remorseful stuff. I won't bore you with all the details but lets just say the tables had completely turned. Now before you jump to the conclusion that this made me happy and this was finally everything I wanted so I could finally get her back.. It did and isn't. The 5 months of NC (completely dark), I can say that non of it affected me and I have no desire to be with her again. 5 months ago I would have jumped all over this. The feeling of relief of being indifferent is simply amazing. It's a feeling I hope and I know you all will one day will find. I know there's that don't believe in NC but I'm a staunch supporter and I'm living proof time helps. Please do yourself a favor, let go and worry about working on yourself. I'm in the best shape of my life at 30, I joined Crossfit and met great people. My job has turned for the better and I see a brighter future there. My circle of friends grew beyond what I imagined was possible when I finally cut the cord. Please during this time of pain remember that their really is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope this gives you a little hope. Hope that you can move on and feel this indifference. Not hope that you'll get them back. You all will be fine! Enjoy your memorial day weekend. I'll always be a member of this board to give back as it has given me over the years. Note: sorry had to type this pretty fast as I'm off too work. Excuse my typos. 5
DJOkawari Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 Hey! Congrats! We all hope to feel that feeling of relief one day, so thanks for posting about it. Too many people just stop signing on when things start going well, so the forum is just full of negativity and unresolved issues. Thanks for that! I guess in the same way that everyone thinks their Ex/previous relationship was particularly special, we all think we'll never reach that point of indifference or even have our Ex attempt to speak to us again. That's what makes NC and coping so hard. Everyone says there is a happy ending to this story but accepting that logically is entirely different than believing it emotionally. I'll always be a member of this board to give back as it has given me over the years. I've only been here for a couple months, but this is how I feel as well. 1
Tone Loc Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I have a few questions for you: Why did you respond to her contact after 5 months? After all that happened between the two of you, I can't understand why you'd respond to an ex after 5 months. What happened during the conversation exactly? Did she say she wants to get back with you? Did you flat out refuse? What if she contacts you again? Well, it was very nice to read your post, thanks for sharing. There's hope for all of us, we just have to hang in there I guess.
ladyabstrused Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I'm glad it worked out for you and I could not have said it any better. NC is especially crucial if you want to move on with your lives and feel better, in general. It is for the best. 1
Author seminoles84 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 I have a few questions for you: Why did you respond to her contact after 5 months? After all that happened between the two of you, I can't understand why you'd respond to an ex after 5 months. What happened during the conversation exactly? Did she say she wants to get back with you? Did you flat out refuse? What if she contacts you again? Well, it was very nice to read your post, thanks for sharing. There's hope for all of us, we just have to hang in there I guess. Sorry for delay was traveling. Responded because we were really good friends before dating and missed that part. Never thought I'd not have feelings for her but when she messaged I realized it didn't affect me. She has and we talk as friends. I'm not interested in dating her. I can tell she likes me again though. Her loss. She has to love with her decision. I went to her bday last night. Have a ton of mutual friends and she invited me. My indifference about wanting to be with her was the same. She was all over me but I'm not feeling. When I cut the contact AND REALLY worked on myself my confidence grew and I know I deserve better. During a break up the dumpee tends to idolize the relationship. Once I detoxed myself I was able to see it for what it really was. Sorry hope all that makes sense. Hope you all will get there. I'll still be around to help cause I've been in all your shoes. 1
Author seminoles84 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 Oops missed a question. She apologized and admitted it was all her fault. Yes she wants to try again. I don't. Maybe years down the road but she has to work on her issues... They aren't fixed in 6 months. I've still got to work on myself too. I'm telling y'all. Get out and be active! Meet new people! Met some amazing people and now me and a friend have created a FREE fitness community. We have free community workouts.. Started with just us 2 and now have 20 members! Find a passion that isn't another person!
bada bing Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) Great post….made me feel better already. Good for you to have the confidence to take her call and become friends with her, taking the high road, but on your terms… Edited May 23, 2015 by bada bing 1
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