Isabella82 Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 I was just wondering if you guys think this is normal or not. A lot of people I know stay friends with their exes, but they were only together for 6-8 months. I was with my ex for 2 years and he never even tried to be friends with me, and I don't think I could ever be his friend anyway. Don't you think that being with someone for 6-8 months it would make sense to not be friends, and to be with someone 2+ years that you should at least try to be friends, because they were a big part of your life for so long. I thought maybe the feelings were too strong with a 2+ relationship and that it is impossible to be friends with someone. I am trying to not take this personal.
pizzanova Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 I think that when any relationship is over, it's incredibly difficult to remain friends. There are exceptions (few and far between) but for the most part, why would you want to put yourself through the torture of knowing that all is lost with this person? I've tried staying friends with every single one of my exes (the length of the relationships varied; from 2 months, to 4 months, to a year) but it never worked out. I would find myself getting really emotional and angry at them and it wasn't worth it. Now, I'm completely over them and couldnt care less if I ever saw them again. I feel nothing for them. I like it better this way.
eastern_mystique Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 I don't think it's anything to do with how long you were going out with them. It's more to do with what happened while you were together and what the situation between you and your ex is now. Me and my ex were together for just under 3 months, but I fell for him hard. We were friends before we were going out for the same amount of time, but he knew I had feelings for him, so our friendship beforehand was more of a 'launchpad' into a relationship. We have remained close friends since the breakup (approx 2 months ago), but I am finding it excruitiatingly hard because I want so much to be with him. He admitted to me a few days ago that he still feels something between us and still everyday thinks about touching, kissing me etc. At the moment he is currently deciding whether we should try things a second time around. I will get an answer to this tomorrow (fingers crossed it will be positive, I'm prayin' real hard). So it really depends on why you want to be friends with the ex - if it's just for friendship then you have to make it clear it's only that, in case they're still harbouring desires to get back with you. If it's because you have hopes that you can reconcile with them, as long as they haven't told you it will never ever happen, it can work.....but only for a while, because at some point you'll have to speak up about getting back with them, which is what I've done. You didn't give many details. Who broke up with who? Are there still feelings there, on either side?
moimeme Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 It absolutely makes a difference how the relationship ended. I'm still in touch with my exh because it was a mutual breakup. Neither of us is pining to be back with the other at all. So if the feelings die out to zip or to 'friends only' feelings, you can remain friends. However, if, as eastern m says, one or the other person still hopes to rekindle the relationship, it's not practical or wise to remain friends. And that goes no matter how long or short the relationship.
d'Arthez Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 We must not underestimate the effects of why a relationship ended on the chances of forming a friendship in the aftermath. If it is because you want different things in life, chances are much higher, than when one of the partners betrayed the other in a massive way, or became physically abusive. Even the way the relationship was formed can play a role in all this; the accidental knock up comes to mind. A relationship can be formed out of perceived necessity, but that is no guarantee of its success of course. Time is not the only thing to factor in. There are many factors to consider.
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