Colleague, divorced dad of 2, does he really like me?

[jazzyeyes]

Just wanted some advice on this situation...i'll try and be brief.

 

I work in education and last year i met a tutor at one of our off site provisions for our students, i was only there for a few hours while we took photos for our new prospectus. I was instantly attracted to him and he seemed like a humble guy, we talked for hours. I asked a colleague/friend (who attends the college weekly to work with him and our students) to find out if he was single. The response was he's divorced with 2 children, and he has sole custody, and he's single.

 

A few months later i became the lead teacher that attends college for his course. Over the months we've built up a good working relationship, then i started to catch him daydreaming watching me. I noticed him doing this quite a a lot and every time i caught him he'd smile and then look away. Eventually the students noticed the chemistry between us and began making comments like "so sir when are you gonna ask miss out?, or why don't you two start dating?" we both ignored the comments but smiled at each other.

 

After a weeks of flirting and eye sex he asked me if i had plans over the half term, and i asked the same, the response seemed like it was leading to us meeting up. So i made the move of asking him to help make some stage props for our school performance, as we were going to use an outside theatre. i emailed him asking if he'd like to see a show with me over the half term, to see how the space is used and then grab a drink after. He replied saying that sounds great. The half term came and went and i never heard from him (in the email i gave him my number but he didn't text or call).

 

Things were a bit awkward the first week back and he said he perforated his ear drum over the half term which is why he didn't come. I was cool with it and pretended i still went with friends. I have to say he really made an effort to be nice to me and make it up to me, as i thought he wasn't interested. Soon enough things were back to normal and the flirting commenced along with the comments from the kids.

 

Last week i told him i'd be leaving the school during the summer break and his response was, "ohh no Tuesdays are my favourite day, i look forward to Tuesdays" I didn't quite know what to say or do, i just kinda continued with the conversation saying its time for me to leave move on from the school. We spoke about emailing the students work and i made a joke of him ignoring some of my emails and perforating his ear, which we both laughter at.

 

The following week he seemed a bit off but soon warmed up, the students kept asking his age...(he's around 39/40) and I'm 31. He seemed a bit embarrassed with the age questions (which he never was before), I just can't gage whether he likes me or not. I think i really like him, but can't face the rejection of asking him out again, plus he hasn't tried to give me his number, all of our out of classroom communication is through email and I'm like.....wtf! But i'm thinking....obviously the divorce part must making him cautious of women/dating?

 

Can anyone shed any light?

[jakrbbt]

As someone who is divorced with a child, but also really likes men a lot and is not turned off just because of bad divorce, please let me reassure you of this:

 

the kids and the job and all the logistics are hectic enough to make a person appear to "reject" you when really they like you and would in theory like to date, kiss, fall in love, all of that, with you.

 

Then there's the complication of dating versus letting someone meet the kids.

 

And then, (provided he's a loving dad), it can feel a little incongruent and odd to be getting to know someone special, starting to share your likes and things, but not even share your most important experience, i.e., your kids. So, starting to date is just hard when there is that hurdle. It almost feels disingenuous.

 

In other words, it's not likely fear of getting "burned" after a "failed" relationship. It's more the complications involved in starting a new one.

 

And it does sound like he likes you.

 

So my advice is to eeeeease into it. Start with a long friendship, make room for lots of failed meet-ups, and don't tease him about flaking on you. At some point, after enough rejections, let him know that you understand he's busy but to please let you know if you're bugging him. Reassure him you'll still be his friend!

 

And make sure you trickle enough emails (or eventually lighthearted texts) in between proposed meet-ups, so that you won't be just someone always asking him to go do something.

 

After a comfortable friendship where he gets to know you pretty well, it'll be much easier for him as a single parent to start dating you if that's what he wants to do.

 

Don't feel rejected if he never warms up to having a relationship with you. It's about a lot more at this stage, then how much he likes you or how date-able you are. At least, if he's a mature person and a responsible, conscientious parent, it is. The social nuances of starting a flirtation with a busy and focused single parent are just different than what you might be used to.

 

And email is a fantastic way to start that kind of thing. I know, it's not the most sexy, but for your situation I'd get a renewed interest in emailing.

 

You may end up losing interest and dating someone else during such a long and gentle introduction, but then you'll still have this guy as a quality friend.