whywhywhywhy Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I posted before on these forums when I had trouble getting over a terrible 7 year relationship (deeply in love/ living together, left for another guy, we were young 16-23 years old lasted) We got back together for a year, and then this new years we broke up. It really changed my perspective of life and I was extremely depressed for a good 2 years. So it's only been 5 months of being single; I was sad for a good 2 months, but this time around it didn't hurt so much. I lost a lot of weight and regained a lot of confidence, girls were noticing me more and complimenting me. I got hired at two different jobs and went back to school; so the change of atmosphere and being busy really helped me get over my past relationship. I had a little fling (just kissing with a coworker at one of my jobs she had a boyfriend at the time, but it was during the failing part of their relationship/ i have never done anything like this and i felt really bad) I wasn't emotionally vested at this point (she did perform oral sex with me at one point) When they recently broke up we started hooking up (full blown sex) over a span of 2 months. It became intense extremely fast and there was a lot of constant texting/ sexting. I have never had casual sex, i've always been in a relationship and this time i'm not sure what happened to my standards but sexual chemistry was amazing and it was a huge increase in my ego essentially she "unleashed the beast" in me I have never performed as well in bed in my life even being in a 7 year relationship (I guess we were sexually incompatible), I was always extremely comfortable and it was extremely natural. She took me out to a lot of places that only couples would do and it was very intimate at times, lots of kissing/ holding/ etc. She would constantly ask if we were dating/ etc. She went away to visit family for a week and implored me to come with her, but I had school and work. She told all her friends about me, etc. When she came back we planned to go out of town, we planned to stay together and leave town and explore the next morning. I guess I started to develop feelings for her. Mind you we didn't see each other only for this week of going out of town, she was supposed to come over when she came back but i missed her phone call. I saw her a couple days after and I noticed something different like she didn't want to kiss me anymore. The day we planned to go out of town; She told me she wanted to go have dinner with friends to celebrate finals I had an extremely bad feeling in my gut i straight out told her hey if you want to stop seeing eachother just let me know/ or if you're dating someone else/ want to date someone else you can just tell me and i'd totally understand/ just be honest with me and we can end seeing eachother and be friends She replied she was literally going out with friends to eat (which i couldn't accept) She kept apologizing about the plans we had and would come over later or pick me up the next morning and she kept apologizing. I already knew it wasn't a friend from the language she was using "we can stop seeing eachother if you want" I ended up having a bad night thinking about terrible things. Plans still went (even though i didn't want to) and when she saw me she was immediately intimate and kissy touchy as if she was guilty I was feeling crappy so i was unintentionally blocking her advances etc. Things brightened up throughout the day and we went exploring she held my hand and took me out places to eat. We went to the movies etc. She ended up calling out of work just to spend more time with me. She ended up spending the night and we ended up having sex. The sex is extremely intense between us and she tires out right after you know AHEM I couldn't sleep because I had mixed feelings of should i be cutting her off, or i'm hurt that she's seeing another guy etc she kept pushing me off the bed -_- in her sleep but when she'd wake up she'd bury herself in my chest and then fall asleep push me away what a terrible night anyways we slowly lost contact after this day and there's no more everyday texts so I know she is dating someone else. and plus her social media makes it extremely obvious with hints of hanging out with someone/ can't wait to see someone etc I'm hurt and I don't know how to approach or how to feel about this and it's making me feel like garbage about myself. This all started fast and ended fast. It's been a crazy intense 2 months, but one positive thing from this experience is that I completely forgot about my ex girlfriend. I feel used and unappreciated and bummed out things have to stop. I think i'm addicted to sex/ or just the intimacy now because I yearn for it. Maybe I really like her? I don't even know. I know I shouldn't really be bummed about it because we were never together, we were never committed. But I can't help this feeling and I feel like crap it's depressing. And she just literally got out of a relationship and she's much younger than me 19 going 20 and i'm 23 going 24 and she has a whole lot of growing up to do I already know that it's a rocky rocky thing, but idk what I got myself into. This is just my first time experiencing something like this and i'm so confused/ let down/ becoming depressed. any thoughts or advice? I wouldn't mind hooking up with her still/ just being friends/ hook up but that would be probably be bad since i'm getting emotionally attached, but I can't stop thinking about sex w/ her it's bad. What did I get myself into? I know I'm still young and I want to focus on school and getting a career before startin a serious relationship but right now I wouldn't mind a not so serious relationship to have regular intimacy now and then (I guess it's important to me) What should I do? Should I completely ignore her? Friends have said to ignore her and if she comes to me then hang out with her but don't take it seriously and just have fun I asked her if we were still friends and if she hated me she responded why would she hate me and yes we're still friends she asked me twice if we were still friends small talk blah blah, and I haven't really been responding to her texts; i'm the one to initiate though. I FEEL SO TRAPPED/ SAD HELP PLEASE thank you all. I think I'm just really burned out how fast something can end and someone can switch gears to someone else so quickly literally a week after/ + 1 day after being intimate why do i feel like this why should i bother i'm so lost please help maybe i should never hook up ever again!
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 It's clear you can't just hit it and walk away. No shame in that. And you ARE getting emotionally involved with this girl which is wreaking havoc on your emotional health. Personally, if she's NOT interested in anything more than a good time with you, you're going to have to make some hard decisions. If you can't just enjoy it for what it's worth, you best let it be. And that means NO MORE SEX with her. In theory I think you enjoy the thought of NSA but in reality you're having trouble controlling your emotions. You can't let emotions get the better of you when you're doing the NSA. My advice would be one of three options; (1) either confront this girl about how you're feeling IF you think there is a shot to have something more with her, (2) continue staying in contact but get back out there and find another person to hook up with so you stop putting this girl on a pedestal or (3) refrain from hooking up with this girl and any other girl until you can handle your emotions better. Not everyone is built for NSA. Unfortunately most of us don't figure this out until it's a little too late. Good luck. 1
Dallers Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 (edited) Everyone and I mean everyone becomes emotionally involved to a certain extent once they have sex. Some people are just better than others at controlling those emotions and feelings to the point that they do not matter or appear as if they exist. I have had sex with girls that mean nothing to me but there has always been a certain emotion or feeling involved for it to reach the bedroom. It is all about what happens following the sex which makes the difference. There is a 50/50 chance for both parties to fall for the other person, which is why the odds are so low for casual relationships working out. In your situation she is more to you than just casual. It's as plain and simple as that. You have to either tell her or walk away to stop this hurt. Edited May 25, 2015 by Dallers
Syberia Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 (edited) She took me out to a lot of places that only couples would do and it was very intimate at times, lots of kissing/ holding/ etc. She would constantly ask if we were dating/ etc. She went away to visit family for a week and implored me to come with her, but I had school and work. She told all her friends about me, etc. When she came back we planned to go out of town, we planned to stay together and leave town and explore the next morning. It sounds like she wanted to be more than FWB, but you turned her down. Now she's moved on to someone else. Not everyone can do the casual hook up/FWB thing. I know I can't, and there's no shame in that. Edited May 25, 2015 by Syberia
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