lionheart153 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 So this is an old debate topic I'm sure. And any female with self-respect will say that they want a nice guy, over one that treats them bad. Don't get me wrong, I am a nice guy and always will be, I treat women with respect. But it seems to me, when I am interested in a girl, I am extra nice? I go the extra mile, or I just make more effort to be nice to them. However when a girl is interested in me and I don't feel the same, I'm not as nice, by which I mean I tend to care less about answering them right away, or making the extra effort to pick them up. Like I'm still nice but I certainly don't put as much effort in. The past year has taught me this because up until recently all the girls that came into my life, just weren't sparking that interest in me. I was nice to them as a person but I didn't go the extra mile or was anything out of the ordinary. Those girls end up liking me, and eventually I need to tell them I don't feel the same way. I can even pull the FWB card and they go for it. But I ran into one girl recently that I was interested in, and at the time thought she was too as it seemed like it. I was nice and a gentleman but I put more effort into it. Like opening doors saying sweet things, Compliments, basically trying. Of course that girl eventually stops talking to me. I know that it may not have been necessarily because I was to nice, there were other things. But I find I have more success when I don't try as hard? Or not as nice? When I am more selfish it seems to attract women VS when I am interested and I try, and think only about the girl, its like they get bored. Or they don't want to hurt me because I'm "such a great guy" as i got a hint of that as she mentioned often that i'm so sweet or such a nice guy. Just curious on peoples thoughts on this, and if it is something that happens to you.
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Nice vs jerk of course but nobody wants a doormat either. A like a guy with the courage of his own convictions, not one that panders to me & constantly acts like he wants to worship the ground I walk on. If I say I love vanilla ice cream but you prefer chocolate, for heaven's sake order the damn chocolate. 1
Dallers Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 This question has been answered so many times. Drama, danger, mischief, misbehaviour, intensity, emotions, attraction, passion...etc All of these things link to a hypothetical bad boy. We all love those bad boys and girls but do they last? never. They all go to crap in the end. But they are hot and we do easily fall for them! woohoo! A nice guy can be all of the above and be everything a girl wants but he must be confident, whole and in control of his life. Women are turned off by men who are a push over. They stink of desperation, they act clingy and needy and don't even realise they are doing it. It comes from a lack of self worth, esteem and confidence. A man trying to act like the perfect gentleman when actually he is not the perfect gentleman. So no girls are not turned off by nice guys. You probably came across as too nice and it seemed fake. If you have not become sexually involved with a girl hearing things like he is sweet and nice are like our kryptonite. Head straight for the exit and do not look back and then learn from your mistake. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 How do you act around your buddies? You bust their balls, call them on their crap, speak your mind, etc.. You're not trying to be "nice" or trying to impress them. You're simply being yourself. This is the exact same mindset you need with women. If a woman does something tease worthy, make fun of her playfully. If she likes something that you hate, tell her so. If she wants you to do something you don't want to do, tell her no. But most of all, be confident and assertive. Women are people just like us that love sex and want to feel desired. So if you had a good time with a woman, go for a kiss at the end of a first date. Don't shake her hand, peck her cheek, or give her a hug. 1
deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 it really depends. being a "bad boy" worked for a long time, now that I'm dating a "bad girl" any hints of being a jerk really turn her off. she seems to like the nice guy thing, but I think it's because I have such a "bad boy" image and history that its a good balance being sweet and thoughtful. It seems like a contradiction and shows that you love them more than the girls you were with before. Also she's dated enough bad boys to want a gentleman. But the bad boy image makes the gentleman thing work much better.
carhill Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Are girls turned off by nice guys? Think of 'nice guy' as neutral/zero/baseline, etc. Neither turned off nor turned on. Go from there.
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Nice guys who have a quiet strength...like donnivain said....a man with conviction and passion not just a yes man..doesnt mean treating women like subservients to have conviction and passion....but a guy you will safe with....who you know who stands up for himself and even better than that wouldnt hesitate to stand up for another.....thats a nice guy..not a pushover.....deb 1
Satu Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Always and everywhere, just be yourself. Honesty and integrity are very sexy. 1
Author lionheart153 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 Trust me when I say that I am no longer the doormat that I used to be. I learned that the hard way. I am more confident with women, doesn't bother me or scary me to talk to them. I guess when I am interested I give that girl more attention, and I'm just me. I like to pay for dinner, or pick her up, or offer to open the door. It's something I like to do. But it never works out, maybe thats why all my long term relations have been with people that become good friends with me first. The meet and date thing doesn't seem to work, unless I'm not interested.
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Always and everywhere, just be yourself. Honesty and integrity are very sexy. too true...satu....deb 1
minime13 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 You always want what you can't have, and a lot of times the excitement is in the chase. People that aren't so nice (not just boys) will make you pursue them with a little more gusto because it makes them feel better. With maturity, this rule lessens. 1
Author lionheart153 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 You always want what you can't have, and a lot of times the excitement is in the chase. People that aren't so nice (not just boys) will make you pursue them with a little more gusto because it makes them feel better. With maturity, this rule lessens. Yea, I think that pretty much summed up my last situation.
casey.lives Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I'm not but I do become wary of a guy who claims he's nice.. :/ 1
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I have dated guys out fo my friend zone...and one guy waited two years.....and i truly believed he was a nice guy...he didnt sleep around he was supportive honest and true......the reason why i made him wait so long is that so he could know me and i could know him....the guy before him was over a year as a friend.... i dont make guys pursue me because i am a bitch or think highly of myself...i just dont want to date someone who isnt at all nice.....and comes across as nice and the only way i can do that is by knowing someone better..... my mum knew my babysitter couple for over a year before i was babysat...thought them absolutely wonderful people......the guy was a pedophile attracted sexually to handicapped children and also a rapist... a lot of women want to be certain on who they date as nice guys...if that means a guy staying.....consistently and constantly nice for more than six months....or for a while....doesnt make the woman up herself or not that nice......its the opposite......deb 1
jazzyeyes Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's true, girls/women like a strong man but not controlling or full of himself type. Sometimes guys who are too nice don't give women that manly image in their head of what men should be. No one wants an ass tho, be firm but nice. Nice like gentleman nice, not doormat nice! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I guess when I am interested I give that girl more attention, and I'm just me. I like to pay for dinner, or pick her up, or offer to open the door. It's something I like to do. But it never works out, maybe thats why all my long term relations have been with people that become good friends with me first. The meet and date thing doesn't seem to work, unless I'm not interested. Opening a woman's door, paying for dinner, picking her up, etc has nothing to do with it. The key phrase is "I give the girl more attention". So you might be coming off as clingy or needy. Independence and indifference are two attractive qualities to have. So when you're not overly interested, you're not coming on too strong. That's the mentality you have to have with all women.
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