LindaRose Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 So yeah the title says it all really, my ex and i were having a lot of arguments and back and forth for awhile before the break up. The funny/sad thing is we were suppose to have a convo the following day about us because i just felt like things we'rent going so well and wanted to find out what was happening and what we could do to fix it/us. Our arguments were always about the same thing us not spenidng time together and even though i saw him on a daily basis for about 45 minutes which was our lunch break from school it just was never enough. He expressed to me how he had a lot on his plate, First he's a foreign college student thats doing two majors and he was also taking a few course over at my school so we could see eachother. I really understood this but it was hard to be in a relationsip with someone u never hanged out with or went on dates with and this was a relationship that was going on for about 10 month. I would bring it up every few weeks and he would say he would try but we would always end up in the same arguments over and over again and it didn't help that most of his freinds are females which just didnt put me on ease but in that moment i would react and ask questions and we seemed to be getting tired of it. Anyways, the night before or conversation was suppose to happen he sent me a message saying....he needed to take a break from seeing anyone at the moment because it was to distracting for him, that he hopes we stay friends, and he hopes i dont take it the wrong way but this is how he was feeling at the moment and that he's sorry. I called him right away and he didn't answer and i messaged him to talk and he aplogized and said he wasnt in the mood to talk tonight(it was past 12am) so i sent a follow up message saying 'aftre everything we went through you won't even talk to me" which he replied saying the time for talking will come, just not up for it tonight, iam sorry. GN ttyl. I never called or messaged him again. 2 weeks in he messaged me saying " hope all is well on your end. XO" and i didn't respond. I returned something i borrwed to use a week after that message during school time and when i did he asked if i was done with it and all i said was hmmm and turned around and walked away. Iam just having a hard time cause he still comes to the school i go to and i see him once in awhile and i just feel like this is stopping my recovery time because its a constant reminder seeing him. Any advice or reinforcement would be nice/welcomed.
Lizrd3000 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I think the way you handled things couldn't be better. He sounds like a dick though, he doesn't seem wanting to spend time with you, makes excuses as to why he can't see you, and from what you've written, it sounds like as if you believe those lame excuses are valid. But if a busy man wants to see his girlfriend, he'll try everything in his power to make that happen, even make some sacrifices if possible, but he did not do this for you. I say, cut your losses, continue your NC, and hope he doesn't change his mind and comes back to you. The way he ended things are also extremely disrespecting, as he was throughout your relationship. Atleast, from what I've understood from your post. You deserve a man who moves mountains for you, this man is not who I'm talking about. Think about it, when you love someone, and you just love hanging out with them, you'd do anything to make that happen. He did not do this. I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to show you what my perspective is. As for your question about seeing him at school; just continue your life at school. Avoid places you know he'll be at, if it doesn't affect your own life atleast. Try not to show him you're hurting, keep strong and don't give him the satitisfaction of knowing you're hurting. Eventually you'll get used to seeing him at school, it isn't that big of a deal if you don't make it a big deal. He's just there, don't pay attention to what he does. He doesn't matter anymore at this point. It's all about YOU from here on out. Continue NC and start healing.
Author LindaRose Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 Thank you for your response and nothing you said was harsh or mean because like you that was always my thinking, if you love me you'd make time for me and I wasnt the type that wanted to be taken out every weekend to expensive restaurants or get always, just something simple like Starbucks for coffee for an hour would have made me happy and I would express this to him but would never happen. I try to avoid him at school at all coast but when I do see him I just make sure there's no eye contact and just keep it moving, and its pretty cool Im almost always with a friend. I just have to remind myself that I am mostly mourning what I wanted us to be/have and not really what we were.
Lizrd3000 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I just have to remind myself that I am mostly mourning what I wanted us to be/have and not really what we were. You're right, and that's usually the case for many people. Especially towards the end of a relationship, a dumpee is usually mourning the ending of a relationship they wanted to have, or something they had a long time before they had broken it off. Something changed in your relationship along the way, and you probably tried to fix it, but he checked out. I'm happy you're able to avoid him at school, continue being this strong!
Author LindaRose Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 Oh yeah I am a fixer and a communicator and he's the total opposite, I was shocked he even messaged me to be honest because he's not the type and it's something we talked about, he would say his stubbornness and pride would get in the way to be the one that reaches out first and this was true because when ever we would argue and not talk it was always me who would call or message, always. My thinking was if I love you, I'm willing to put my pride away and fix things between us. One more month and I'm done with school and hopefully I won't ever have to see him again. Cause right now when ever I see him, I think about him or reply convos in my head for the rest of the day. Ugh. Its been 22 days since the break up....I'm stronger then I thought. 1
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