sadpanda3 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 so hi guys:) Me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago. It was my first serious relationship and lasted for about a year. We had our ups and downs but overall it was not too bad....about two weeks before the break up, things got nasty and it was pretty clear that our relationship would not last for much longer. I considered breaking up, but couldn't get myself to do it since I was still in love with him and had a lot going on in my life anyway. Long story short, he ended up breaking up with me, but not for the reasons I had expected. As I already new, there was this girl who had a huge crush on him. He had already known about it for months. Two weeks before our break up he talked to her for the first time, exchanged numbers, and from that point on had a huge crush on her too and couldn't stop thinking about her. So he said he broke up to give it a try with her. After breaking up, he started acting strangely. he acted like we were now "good friends" and there had never been any kind of romantic connection between us while giving me advice on "how to get over him". He also started rubbing all the details about his new girl under my nose. For me it was a huge blow. I had to deal with the pain of the break up and felt like I was immediately replaced. How could he start crushing on a girl he had talked to once if i ever meant anything to him at all? He always insisted on the fact that he only "likes" her but is not in love with her, that he is scared of being alone, and only stopped loving me only shortly before the break up. However, I don't believe him and am starting to question our whole relationship because of it. It is really affecting my self-esteem and makes me feel angry and sad. Every time I get updates about how happy he is with his new girl and how hard he is trying to win her over it makes me feel like I was a fool for believing he loved me. It makes me feel stupid and used. How do I stop caring about this?
minime13 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Make your own life more fulfilling for you. It's possible that he is a serial dater, and was waiting for the next person to come around before breaking up with you. That sucks, and it's horrible that people can be so selfish. Just realize how selfish he was to do this and be glad that it only took up a year of your life.
fancy feast Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Cut off contact with him so you don't have to hear about the new girl. 1
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 SO.. let me see if I got this straight. He broke up with you to date and have sex w/another girl after a year. You CHOSE to keep talking to him and listening to him discuss this new girl? WHY? Sweetie, you both sound young. Most people would NOT stay in contact w/an ex after they got dumped. Most would do the polar opposite. They'd disappear and move on with their lives. Young relationships rarely last. You said yourself the relationship wasn't that great. You also said that you should of ended it. I wouldn't waste any time worrying about "what you meant to him" what-so-ever. What you NEED TO DO is this- Move on. Have no further contact with him. Tell anyone you both know that you don't want to know anything about your ex cause you don't care. Do yourself a favor and read the NC rules here. Also read many of these other threads to learn how to cope and move on. You two were not meant to be together. Find someone you're more compatible with. 1
stillafool Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 First, tell the person who reports back to you what is going on with your ex bf to stop telling you anything about him. Hearing about him will just set you back and keep you from moving on. It takes time to get over someone there's just no other way. You can make it better by staying as busy as you possibly can. Get a second job, take a course, start a new hobby, you basically have to change your life a bit. You can do it.
dyna85 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) Seems that he displaced his emotions from you to her, because he can't handle the emotional weight of the situation. Some people are like this. They jump from one relationship to another because they can't handle being alone and intimate with their emotions. He told you he couldn't handle being alone, so he just jumped from one relationship to another. This doesn't bode well for that other girl, either. The thing is, your emotional state is normal. It makes sense that you would still care and have trouble letting go, given that you spent a year together as a couple. You can't force yourself to stop caring, but what you can do, is to be true to yourself and allow yourself to mourn the loss of what once was. It's no wonder you would feel angry, sad, and used, given the way he's treated you, but you will eventually heal in time. You are worthy of someone who is on the same page as you, and won't ditch you for someone else when conflict arises. He's just trying to numb his emotions with this new girl, but the reality is, it will catch up with him, sooner or later. It always does. Your best bet would be to focus on yourself entirely and to not seek out updates on him or have any future contact with him. This is about you now. I know it's going to be an adjustment as you were part of a couple for about a year, so going back to being single isn't the most pleasant feeling. However, you deserve better. Know your worth. You are worthy of someone who is in touch with himself enough to be able to deal with being alone. Someone who can work through conflict within themselves and with others, without trying to numb painful emotions. This guy is using people to deal with his emotional issues, and that is not a good quality to have. Edited May 21, 2015 by dyna85 1
misspond Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Agree that you should read the No Contact rules and make sure that you get no further information about what's happening with him. If you do it's like picking a scab, keep doing that and it never gets better. I understand that it hurts and that you're questioning everything but just remember; there were good times, you are awesome and he's chosen not be share himself with you so let him go. Your heart will mend and life is good.
Meli22 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 How to make yourself not care? Its all about how you look at it. I'm assuming you guys are not talking? If so, interpret it however you want: she is a rebound, he is a serial dater and just can't be alone. It might not make sense but its a coping mechanism. Also, take comfort in the fact that this is probably the kind of person he is. It is nothing against you, it's all him. And he doesn't deserve you anyway.
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