deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 phone calls never answered texts are taking forever to get a reply. then answers are short. like one word. her facebook activity remains constant. yet no likes on my stuff she used to call me endearing terms and say "I love you". not anymore I did mess up a lot recently but last time we were together it seemed ok. We went on a road trip. Had a few ugly fights and then things seemed to be okay again. I think she decided to end things during our vacation and just waited till we got home from the road trip to cut the cord. Now I'm getting the slow fade... I'm about ready to just rip off the bandage and let it bleed.
Noideanow Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Oh its so difficult to come with advice when you dont no the people and circumstances, but Im sure you know what is right to do in this situation, i hope everything turns out for the better no matter what happens- just a little support from here:(
Author deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) thanks. you seem to be the only person on here who cares. I'll just wait and hope for the best. (but prepare for the worst) I can't keep contacting her when she doesn't reply. But I just wish I could tell her how much I love her and how sorry I am for everything stupid I did. Edited May 21, 2015 by deadelvis
Author deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 Noideanow... can I ask you why you are on this forum? You only seem to reply to my posts and I've never seen you start a thread of your own. It seems like you're only on this forum to help me feel better. Do you need any advice or are you just my guardian angel?
Noideanow Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 -first i think a lot people benefit or find comfort in reading what people like you write, eventhough they dont participate in discussion - yeah offcource you may ask, i myself am recovering from a complicated love story (sometimes Im scared it was only love for me and not the other party;)) i find comfort and get my couriosity stimulated by some of the writings in here, its as if my brain only wants to read about love;) and in your case i just associeted so much with you way of doing things that i for some Reason had to make an account, eventough it took me half an hour to do so, because previously i have been dismissed by the Crew in here because of inappropriate things i said (with their glasses on;)) so now i dont know if they Will throw me out again;) but i prefer being honest about that, taking a chance:)
Noideanow Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 And i dont think you Can help me, i am just lovesick
Author deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 well I appreciate it very much. this relationship has been a strange one. I have been in love with her forever and I know that if it doesn't work out I'll spend my life regretting it. but yet I can't seem to stop myself from ruining it. lately theres been a lot of depressed feelings. seeing her slip away is unbelievably painful
Noideanow Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Yes you Can tell her, if you doubt she knows, i am also thinking that giving all at the moment thats in your heart is better than regretting and playing games, i cant say if she wants you to do just that or is simply Wanting out, but you can do it for yourself?maybe:)
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Yup.. you're reading the signs clearly. You should should end it since she doesn't seem to have the balls too. I personally don't like games like a fade. Tell me what's on your mind and let talk about. If you think we've run our course, then lets move on. If I was in your shoes, I'd pull the plug. End it. Stick a fork it and call it done. I'm sure she made her mistakes as well but the bottom line is it didn't work. Learn from your mistakes and move forward. Ending it now helps you start to heal from the hurt and pain. Dragging it on like it appears to be going only adds more drama and extends the pain.
sadpanda3 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 i'm really sorry for you:( I don't know any details, but it's probably better to just leave her alone for a while....every time she ignores you you'll just feel worse...
bada bing Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 This happened to me too…You can feel they are pulling away, especially when they take a day or two to respond…You can tell also when they are texting out of obligation and not to start a real conversation. Your natural instinct is too pursue a little more, but really you should do the opposite…If she pulls away, you should do the same. Don't chase her or even confront her like I did…Just give her space and time to miss you. Hang in there 1
Noideanow Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I answered your earlier post, now the last one. Yeah that is painful thoughts, i know:( but whatever Will be will be i think, and hope:o i think if she really loves you the Way you love her she will also fight for your relationship, but maybe she needs time to get to know herself and feel Good in herself again, and when she does that she can love- but offcource she Can have other things/feelings you just dont know about, no matter what im sure there is one lucky woman out there waiting for you, maybe its her:confused:
Author deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 i'm just going to leave her alone for now and give her space. she knows how much I love her. I think I held on too tight and crushed something I wanted to hold. I'm just trying to remind myself that things always work out how they are supposed to and life can be mysterious the way it unfolds. If we are meant to be together than nothing will stop that. If she wants to leave all I can do is let her go and hope someday we are reunited. I guess I should just focus on how lucky I was to have shared the time with her that I did. 2
Author deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 just typing that last one got me choked up. 1
Noideanow Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 i recommend the song love hurts Nazareth, but maybe its a female thing to like:lmao:
Author deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 well she finally got back to me and it appears everything is going to be okay. the even said she loves me. it's crazy how you can go from being heartbroken to happy after a 15 minute conversation. but I think sometimes it's good for me to think I've lost her. It reminds me of what's at stake. and I certainly will be more careful in the future.
Lizrd3000 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Don't wanna ruin the spirits, but how are you so sure? Indeed, how can you go from depressed she's going to break up with me to Everything is alright? No, not everything's alright if she still takes forever to answer your calls. My ex did the same, and I like you thought everything would be okay after she finally answered my text after HOURS, but I was dead wrong. Again, I'm not trying to ruin your good mood, but if she's still taking forever to call you back or return texts, it's STILL a bad sign. I think you should still give her the space she needs. If you continue to ''hold tight and break something you only wanted to hold'', you'll get back in the same place you were just a little whie ago (If you aren't still in that same situation) Just pull back a little and don't be so clingy / needy. 1
Lizrd3000 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 You seem so similair to me... Don't make the mistakes I've made.
FortunateSon Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Be careful...sounds like you are walking on eggshells about this. Remember, where there is smoke, there is fire...
bada bing Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 well she finally got back to me and it appears everything is going to be okay. the even said she loves me. it's crazy how you can go from being heartbroken to happy after a 15 minute conversation. but I think sometimes it's good for me to think I've lost her. It reminds me of what's at stake. and I certainly will be more careful in the future. Good for you buddy….Like you said in an earlier post, just enjoy the moment, don't smother her and let it unfold without too many expectations this time. Happy for you bro
Author deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 i definitely almost lost her a few times recently, and I am now at a critical moment where I have to really handle this perfectly or I will lose her. But I feel pretty confident I won't blow it this time. Most of my screw ups have been related to retroactive jealously and similar insecurity related issues. I think now that I've gotten this close to losing her it's put things in perspective enough that I'm finally going to be able to stop tripping about which of her male friends she used to bang and her staggeringly promiscuous past. After you lose someone you look back at all the stupid stuff you took so seriously when you were together and it seems so petty after they are gone. I think maybe it's been good for me to feel the heartache of having lost her, because this time I won't be worried about the little stuff.
fireflywy Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 i definitely almost lost her a few times recently, and I am now at a critical moment where I have to really handle this perfectly or I will lose her. But I feel pretty confident I won't blow it this time. Most of my screw ups have been related to retroactive jealously and similar insecurity related issues. I think now that I've gotten this close to losing her it's put things in perspective enough that I'm finally going to be able to stop tripping about which of her male friends she used to bang and her staggeringly promiscuous past. After you lose someone you look back at all the stupid stuff you took so seriously when you were together and it seems so petty after they are gone. I think maybe it's been good for me to feel the heartache of having lost her, because this time I won't be worried about the little stuff. Who has the insecurity issues? What you just described as the slow fade is perfectly described as the feelings of an anxious attacher which may also fit you if you have insecurity issues. I would definitely look up your attachment mechanisms. I recommend it on here all of the time but you should read "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment"
Lizrd3000 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 i definitely almost lost her a few times recently, and I am now at a critical moment where I have to really handle this perfectly or I will lose her. But I feel pretty confident I won't blow it this time. Most of my screw ups have been related to retroactive jealously and similar insecurity related issues. I think now that I've gotten this close to losing her it's put things in perspective enough that I'm finally going to be able to stop tripping about which of her male friends she used to bang and her staggeringly promiscuous past. After you lose someone you look back at all the stupid stuff you took so seriously when you were together and it seems so petty after they are gone. I think maybe it's been good for me to feel the heartache of having lost her, because this time I won't be worried about the little stuff. You just seem to look like me more and more... Just a question, is she overly flirtatious with other men? I used to blame myself for jealousy issues, because she told me I was extremely jealous. As it was my first relationship, she convinced me it was normal. But it was not. Even my mother in law gave me every right to be acting the way I did, as a reaction to her behaviour. I Always blamed myself and told myself that this time around, I'll be a better version of myself. But you know what this does? Allowing her to be flirting with other men to the point where you don't even matter anymore? It turns you into a doormat. I'm sorry if this isn't the case, but this ****'s too sensitive for me, and your case and the way you talk is just like me. Just my point of view. Make sure you're not being used as a doormat. Stand up for yourself, you're the big prize. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If you're just overly jealous, fix this issue and ignore my post. She's with you for a reason, and not with her male friends. You've got something they don't have, not the other way around!
Author deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) I am the "anxious" attacher and she is "secure"... based on what I read although she may exhibit a little of the "avoidant" characteristics too. Although I usually become "secure" after about 6 months into a relationship. She isn't really flirty with men. Or I should say not when I'm around... But I don't feel afraid of her being disloyal. But I have issues surrounding her past and I think a lot of my issues revolve around "homosocialism" (is that the right term?) or basically the feeling of being around others who have slept with your girlfriend (or what's almost worse is those who had the chance but didn't) and feeling lesser or humiliated by the situation. Here's an example. When I was single there was a girl who I hooked up with a few times. She was really crazy about me. I didn't feel the same so I stopped seeing her. But first I really f***ed her brains out a few times. Now she's married and I see her and her husband around town. She gives me a strange wistful look every time and I can tell her husband knows I rocked her world. I feel really bad for her husband but at the same time some evil part of me wants to give him a big sinister grin like "yeah that's right, ask her about me later tonight and see how it makes you feel buddy" It's messed up because I feel torn between feeling empathetic for him and feeling like rubbing his face in it. Anyway thats my fear. Being in his shoes. Poor bastard. Anyway back to me and my GF. I also really struggled with a handful of "highly questionable" things she did in her past. But I've had to let go of that. But I had a few arguements about her past and her friendships with guys who she's hooked up with (she's banged about half of her male friends)... For example we were visiting her home town last weekend and she wanted to go to a bar where her friend worked, a friend who she had a crush on but he didn't want to hook up with her. When she said she wanted to go to the bar I didn't think much of it, but when she changed her mind about going (once she found out he wasn't working that night) it made me feel upset. She say's they are just friends and I know I have nothing to worry about but the idea of hanging out with a guy who she offered herself to and he refused makes me feel sick. There are a few other guys who she "offered herself to" and they declined. I dread bumping into those guys... even more than the guys she banged. Because at least she picked me over them, not the other way around... And it almost ruined our relationship. But now after almost losing her to my jealoousy I think I have finally been able to get over it and be a man about her slutty past. But it took almost losing her to make me realize that the only thing that matters is having her in my life. I'd sooner watch her f*** someone else than lose her... I've posted some other threads about her and my struggles with retroactive jealousy Edited May 21, 2015 by deadelvis
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