kjohn Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Ugh! Why does it bother me so much when my BF "Likes" a picture of another woman on Facebook? I know that it is jealousy/insecurity at play. I try to tell myself that I am just being jealous, but then I think no, this is really inappropriate. My guess is that this is more of a female issue than a male issue, but maybe I'm wrong. I'd be interested in some insight on that. He can like pictures of families, babies, kids, couples all day long and it doesn't bother me a bit, but the minute that I notice that he has liked a picture of another woman my green monster rears its ugly head. I have mentioned this to him and, of course, he doesn't get it. His response was "it's just a picture on Facebook" and he's right to a certain extent, but on the other hand Liking the picture indicates that you like the content of the picture. Liking a picture of somebody's kids, to me, says "I think your kids are cute." Liking a picture of an individual woman, to me says "I think this woman is attractive" and I just don't feel that is appropriate when you are in a committed relationship. Am I being ridiculous? 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 On the face of it, it really does seem a bit unreasonable. And I think what feeds your insecurity, is that he seems cavalier about it and is shrugging it off as unimportant. That makes you also believe you don't think your concerns are being taken seriously. While I think - as you relate things - it seems you're making a mountain out of a molehill, it would help you to convey to him, as non accusingly as possible, that it upsets you, makes you feel bad and while you realise your insecurity is your problem, it would help if he was a little more understanding. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's a click of a mouse. He is not sleeping with these other women. He is not asking them to marry him. He is not even disrespecting you. Get over it. Do you flip out if he smiles at a waitress or opens a door for another woman? You have to get your insecurities under control. Why not take 30 days off from social media or at least do not look at anything he's doing? It will help you realize how trivial this is & how out of proportion you are blowing it. 4
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 You made me think about this a bit.. I'm in a LTR w/my GF. I do like pictures of old friends or old HS friends. In all cases, they are married and I'm just being nice and acknowledging that it's a nice picture. People post pictures on FB for attention, a compliment, etc.. Now, what I wouldn't do is like a photo of an attractive, single friend or girl we both know. Even if she's with a friend. I don't want to ever appear to be playing a game or trying to get a reaction from my GF. Life has enough drama. 2
understand50 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 kjohn, I fall in and out of "lust", does not mean that I am going to try and do anything about it. I find women attractive all the time, how could I not? I am married, so I can only admire. I know it cannot go any further. I think your Husband is the same. You can admire a good looking woman, but he is with you. BTW, my wife of over 40 years and I are trying to update our looks and style. We tend to do a lot of people watching together, and point out "looks" and clothes that we think would look good on each other. This also comes with talking on if the clothes looks good on who is wearing them at the time, and if they are "good looking" in general. We have a lot of fun with it. Maybe, opening this up with your husband may help. I know that lots of men have "better" looks, but only I get to sleep with my wife. If she looks and admires , more power to her. Try and use this to open up communication with your love. You may find it is fun. Also, knowing what he finds attractive, lets you know what you maybe should wear. Just a thought. I see an opportunity for you. 15942043
autumnnight Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I don't think this has anything to do with falling in and out of lust or ogling women. It sounds like "hey! Nice picture" and then he goes on with life. It's a click. Shake it off. 5
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 You're insecure and it's showing and if you're not careful you're going to ruin a good thing over assumptions. Is that what you want? Unless he's giving you reasons to doubt him you're the one being unreasonable. I suggest you work on building up your self worth and STOP stalking your boyfriend's every online move. Good luck. 3
Author kjohn Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 I suggest you work on building up your self worth and STOP stalking your boyfriend's every online move. I appreciate brutal honesty and direct, to-the-point responses. I do know that insecurity is an issue for me. It's something I've been working on for a while. I do not, however, stalk his every online move. That is an incorrect assumption that you have made. Every once in a while something that he has liked will show up in my Facebook news feed and I may notice it. I will fully own my faults, but I won't be labeled with an incorrect assumption so I just wanted to clarify that. 1
alsudduth Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I don't think this has anything to do with falling in and out of lust or ogling women. It sounds like "hey! Nice picture" and then he goes on with life. It's a click. Shake it off. Is it different if he clicks like and then comments "Hey nice rack!" or something similar (or more graphic)? I actually deleted my husband from my FB account because I find a lot of his posts and comments offensive and embarrassing to me. That's just who he is. Mr. doesn't care who he offends or embarrasses. My friends will message me and tell me how crazy some of the stuff he says is. I just have learned to ignore it because I know it won't help to get angry or upset about it. 1
davidromero43 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Am I being ridiculous? Yes Sometimes we "like" a pic because she is trying really hard. It is like support in "good job" you fatty. 1
Bobbi7 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 No, I don't think you are being ridiculous! It depends on what he's liking...is it some girl with a bikini or with her big boobs hanging out her low cut top? Are these random chicks that are fb whores that constantly post selfies? If so, I would have to agree its inappropriate.
Author kjohn Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 ...is it some girl with a bikini or with her big boobs hanging out her low cut top? Are these random chicks that are fb whores that constantly post selfies? Yes, the ones that I have seen have been exactly this.
davidromero43 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Yes, the ones that I have seen have been exactly this. If these are like internet models. Just tell him you don't like it, and you would like it to stop. It might be like looking at PlayBoy while taking a dump. You really just want to look at PlayBoy and take a dump. You're not trying to do anything else. If these are girls he knows, girls he has met at a bar, or girls he has dated. Call him a d-bag and get pissed as hell. He might be lining up a side chick.
autumnnight Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Is it different if he clicks like and then comments "Hey nice rack!" or something similar (or more graphic)? I actually deleted my husband from my FB account because I find a lot of his posts and comments offensive and embarrassing to me. That's just who he is. Mr. doesn't care who he offends or embarrasses. My friends will message me and tell me how crazy some of the stuff he says is. I just have learned to ignore it because I know it won't help to get angry or upset about it. Oh yeah! Liking a photo is very different from nice rack or great ass, IMO. Liking is just a click. Those other comments are sexual in nature, and over the line. Not only is it disrespectful to you, it is kinda offensive to the person in the picture. If one of my plain old FB friends said that on one of my pictures, I'd delete the comment, and possibly the post itself.
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 kjohn Think about this for a minute. Apparently what is making you crazy is when he "likes" pictures of women in sexy outfits. Do you get that the women who post those pictures are doing it for the attention? Do you also understand that simply because he clicked like doesn't mean he's leave you for her, that he thinks you are deficient in some way or that he wants to cheat on you with her. It just means that he thought that picture looked good at that moment in time. Try to train your mind to realize it's not that much different to him fantasizing about some model he saw in the Sports Illustrated swim suit addition. It's fleeting. For you to constantly be nagging him about this makes you look unattractive. Your behavior not his lust will eventually drive him away if you don't get a handle on your insecurities. This is not the issue to live & die on.
Author kjohn Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 For you to constantly be nagging him about this makes you look unattractive. Your behavior not his lust will eventually drive him away if you don't get a handle on your insecurities. I'm not sure what caused you to make this assumption but I do not constantly nag him about this. I mentioned to him one time in the nearly five years that we have been together that I don't like it. I've never said anything g more to him about it. I just keep my annoyance with it to myself. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 kjohn Visiting LoveShack is a bit like a wedding buffet.... It's big, varied and some dishes are attractive to us, some aren't. Just taste from the ones which take your fancy, and leave the dishes which don't whet your appetite, alone. Someone else may like them, but if you don't like the ingredients, or the flavour doesn't appeal, just walk on by....
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I'm not sure what caused you to make this assumption but I do not constantly nag him about this. I mentioned to him one time in the nearly five years that we have been together that I don't like it. I've never said anything g more to him about it. I just keep my annoyance with it to myself. Then let me rephrase. If you aren't currently nagging him that is good. If this is going to eat away at you & make you nag him or resent him, it will erode your relationship. Don't let it get that bad. 1
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