Eternal Sunshine Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I just want some opinions. Say you have been dating someone for less than a month. "Dating" is pretty close with speaking on the phone every day and seeing each other often. He is suddenly admitted to a hospital over something relatively minor. I am leaning towards "no".
Art_Critic Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 if the stay is only a day.. then no.. but if he is there a couple or few days then yeah.. Everybody likes to feel close to someone when they are going thru someone traumatic such as a hospital stay, it helps them feel better. 4
Haydn Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 If you like him and and things are headed in the right direction RS-wise, then yes visit him. I am sure he`d appreciate it. I would. 2
Toodaloo Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I just want some opinions. Say you have been dating someone for less than a month. "Dating" is pretty close with speaking on the phone every day and seeing each other often. He is suddenly admitted to a hospital over something relatively minor. I am leaning towards "no". ES If I liked the guy I would not even be wasting time thinking about this because I would be there. I get the feeling you are not all that into this one so am going to suggest that you throw him back into the pond for someone else. 2
Redhead14 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I just want some opinions. Say you have been dating someone for less than a month. "Dating" is pretty close with speaking on the phone every day and seeing each other often. He is suddenly admitted to a hospital over something relatively minor. I am leaning towards "no". No, I would not do that even if were a bigger issue. You are not in a position to provide support on any level yet.
carhill Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Went through this with my exW..... early on, like as described in the OP, no, I didn't go. Later on, after we were an exclusive couple, yep. IMO, a number of factors are in play; the person's personal boundaries and practices, those of the dating partner and their family, and the circumstances of the hospitalization. I tended to err on the side of such experiences being the purview of the family and followed their cue. If I didn't know the family yet, then I'd default to it being their time and prerogative. If I did, I'd coordinate. Fortunately, the vast majority of dating partners never went through this scenario so the process was rarely tested. I got a real chance to see the dynamics at work when my best friend had cancer and, even as two guys who have been joined at the hip for many, many years and seen each other through lots of life stuff, there were still boundaries of decorum. I am leaning towards "no". I would also be leaning that way. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I would call and ask if he wanted me to come visit. The last thing I would want from a guy I only knew a month is for him to see me looking sick, with greasy unwashed hair in a peek-a-boo hospital gown. New people are a lot of effort & if I was sick enough to be in a hospital I would not want to have to exert that extra energy. 2
jen1447 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 What's "relatively minor?" Outpatient surgery for ingrown toenail? No. Unexpected complications from the flu that are under control? Yes.
Lansing Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 As others said, if he will be there more than a night then yes. I would probably approach it in the "can I bring you anything"... and if they say "no, that is okay" then I would tell them I would like to visit them if they were okay with that giving them the option to say they would rather be alone. I think people in hospital generally appreciate visitors but it really depends on what they are in for.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I'd lean towards no. But, after he's out if he needs a bit of emotional support provide it. The ex I've written of ad nauseum lately did just that. One of my parents was in the hospital and very sick. They knew this because i'd FB'd about it. They did not bring it up when we would chat. Then after all was basically well, she was there for me as emotional support. She gave me for my pains a world of sighs. (I had done likewise for her regarding exam anxiety.) At some point you do have to address this with him. Show a bit of curiosity about it when it's over and the follow his lead on how far he wants to tell you about this. To a number of men if you don't care about it at all that could be a red flag.
writergal Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Call him first and ask if you can come visit him (if you want to). Bring him something cute (you can get it at the hospital gift shop) like a little stuffed animal as a joke, to lighten his mood. OR... If you don't want to visit him, then just call him to check-in and say "hi" etc.,. and tell him you will treat him to lunch or something after he gets out. What's he in hospital for that's minor? 15 years ago after I was hit by a truck while out riding my road bike (when I was in great shape and car-less), my boyfriend at the time came to visit me, and wrote rather witty (and naughty) little messages to me on the nurse' white board on the wall next to my hospital bed. This amused the nurses, and my doctor too! He also brought in a poster of a muscular male model in wet, white boxers and taped that to my hospital bathroom door to motivate me (I guess? ) in my recovery (which worked, ) because I had to do physical rehab to learn to walk etc. again. He brought me a bouquet of roses, but it was the funny whiteboard messages and that silly poster that I remember more from that time period.
kodakgirl Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I absolutely would, but I'd check with him first, because as Donnivan notes, some people (myself included) don't like to be seen in a hospitalized state, especially by someone they're still trying to impress. I would hope he'd say yes though and I'd definitely go. I've spent lots of times in hospitals and they are emotionally difficult places for anyone. Something fairly minor that requires hospitalization is still something major enough that medical professionals feel cautious about sending you home. Everyone is different, but to me, if either a) I was hospitalized after a month of seeing a fellow often, with daily phone chats, and he didn't visit or at least ask to, I don't know if I'd want to keep seeing him; or b) a fellow I'd been seeing for a month with the same circumstances was hospitalized, and I was questioning whether or not to ask to visit, I'd seriously doubt whether I was interested in him or even cared about him as a person. That of course says nothing about what you or he may think and feel, just a perspective to consider.
toscaroscura Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I just dumped someone I had been dating for a month because when I got really really sick (like fever and bedridden for 2 weeks), all he did was freak out that HE might get sick then proceed to not even text me to see if I was ok. Our month had been really nice, so I thought. He was a kind gentleman and fun. But that whole incident just highlighted his lack of real caring, and also the fact that no feelings were deepening. I would have at least liked some gesture of caring and concern. And yes, he had been over my house and we had made dinner together etc, so it's not like it would have been weird. It made me feel like he only wanted to date me if I was fun and ready to entertain him; that he couldn't handle anything less than perfect conditions. A "fair-weather" boyfriend, as it were. My suggestion is to at least call and at least OFFER something, like if he'd want something picked up at the store or some company for a little bit. If he refuses, at least he knows you care. If he says yes, it's not like it puts you out too much to get him some soup or something. 1
amaysngrace Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I wouldn't go even if he's not contagious but especially not if he is.
Lansing Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 So, OP, what did you end up doing? Could help people hearing your story for the next time it happens to someone..
Vintage79 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 It would depend on a few things for me - if you're feeling close to him and want to keep it going in the right direction - go see him - I have a hard time imagining a situation where going to see him would be perceived as a bad thing. That said, it's only been a month, so unless he's clingy/needy, like one of the prior posters in this thread likely is, it probably wouldn't be a big deal not going either. Ultimately - it would boil down to why he's in the hospital, his emotional state, the dynamics of how you interact, etc. If he's only going to be there a day, not a huge deal if you don't go, if he was diagnosed with cancer, I'd be there in a second... 1
MissBee Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I just want some opinions. Say you have been dating someone for less than a month. "Dating" is pretty close with speaking on the phone every day and seeing each other often. He is suddenly admitted to a hospital over something relatively minor. I am leaning towards "no". If we've been speaking everyday, seeing each other often, yes. Why not? It shows you care. Nothing wrong with popping by and bringing some cookies or I dunno, something the person likes, tell them to get well soon and be on your way. But this is if I really like the guy and feel close like we're developing something. I guess if you don't feel comfortable you shouldn't, but with my last bf, the way I felt about him early on, if that happened I would have definitely visited.
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