Captin Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I have been dating this lady for 3 years now, I am 26 and she is 22. Things has gotten serious and our Families know of our relationship. In fact we are planning to get married soon. When I first met her, she made it known to me that she isn't a virgin when I asked her, but she told me she had slept with ONLY one guy and I believed her. I wasn't a virgin either and had kinda rough past as I've slept with countless of prostitutes, smoked weed etc. I told her all these things and we were cool until very recently. Upon Discussing her with someone who knows her very well, I got to know I wasn't her second guy as she has always claimed. I confronted her, she denied it vigourosly and went to the extent of SWearing with God till I mentioned the name of a guy she slept with before meeting me. She later accepted and told me she slept with 5 guys before meeting me and said she feared telling me the truth might have effect on our relationship that was why she did not tell me from the beginning. Actually it did have effect on our relationship because am now very PARANOID, i suspect every single move she does and the way I used to love and respect her is not same anymore, it has decreased, am a bit very jealous as I involuntary keep picturing the scene of her past, am a bit judgemental now and hypocritically forget the fact that my past is worst than hers, the truth is I have NIGHTMARES nowadays because of my recent revelations.. I know I cant change the past but I fear the future now more than anything. I can not really tell what my actual problem is, I tried motivating myself that her past is history and must remain so as I am no saint either, But there is something in me that tells me she might still have such behavior in her even now as its evident in her petty petty lies and (her refusal to give me her phone recently, I pushed hard and when she handed me the phone I realized couple of guys were calling her, she claimed they were just friends and she refused giving me the phone cuz she presumed i would get angry when I see the call log). I think it might have been less painful if I had known from the beginning, I now feel kinda decieved. I am trying to move on But it is very very hard for me. what makes it harder is She now appears as a LIAR to me and I feel there could be far worse things she is still hiding, I feel(I cant JUSTIFY IT tho) she told me a bit of the story and hid the worse part. Am now in dilema thinking whether to put loads of pressure on her to reveal it or to do the investigations myself but also I am soooooo much afraid of what I might find out, I am afraid of finding snakes in the course of digging for earthworm. IF love means, calling on phone, caring and wanting to be with me with any least chance, and sex then I swear she loves me cuz though we dont stay together but we've had sex for more than 70 times and counting, she calls me and every now and then and even calls when she has nothing to say.. Her only problem is she is not very open to me.Sometimes she lies to me and uses fear as an excuse meanwhile am never a violent person and I have never laid my hands on her during this 3 years of relationship. I had not even used any abusive words towards her till recently when I got to know about her past. Naturally am a motivator, I try to motivate people around me a lot by telling them to always look at the cup as half full and not as half empty, its time to take a dose of my own medicine and its actually very very difficult. I love her and honestly I still want to marry her but I think the love is depreciating each and every day. Am a curious person and considered myself a mentally strong person till this revelation proved am mentally weak. How do I get over this issue???? I love her and she still claims she wants us to get married. Should I still dig on her past? is it healthy to dig on it considering the effects its having on me and our relationship? Her Qualities: She is beautiful and very Curvy, She is free from any STD, scan even determined that she has never even been impregnated as she has a very healthy Womb, she is a good cook, has never denied me sex ever since our first sex, has less friends especially girl friends, not the arugumentative type, has always respected me till recently when am pushing her too hard. Her flaws: Has problem with effective communication, sometimes her sense of humor is questionable, on a good day she's the nicest person but can be extremely rude(Not to me tho but to outsiders which is shameful to me), she wastes money(Not spend money but wasteful), not very much smart and intelligent amd what I hate most LIES in the name of FEAR..... I know there is NO perfect person out there. PLease I need a serious and deep Advise.. I love her. How do I get pass this issue... Can she become a better person??? should I not learn about her anymore? Should I learn about her and how can I accept her dirty past like she accepted mine?? sometimes I feel I am being Unfair towards her...
Ruby65 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I'm confused. You say you've slept with countless prostitutes. Are you actually having an issue because she had sex with 5 other men before you met -- ?
Author Captin Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 I'm confused. You say you've slept with countless prostitutes. Are you actually having an issue because she had sex with 5 other men before you met -- ? Actually It wouldnt have mattered much if she had told me from the very beginning like I told her mine, I confessed earlier cuz I wanted her to know and love me for who or what I real was and not a different image.
Ruby65 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 If this is something you would've forgiven in the past, I suggest you try and forgive it in the present. Frankly in your shoes I'd be grateful she's willing to overlook your past history with prostitutes -- and not made the assumption that just because you did that in the past, you'll continue to do that in the future. 1
Author Captin Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 I said I love her and still consider marrying her, It simply implies I have forgiven her for such acts. It was her past and she has the right to do what ever she wanted. what am finding difficulty in dealing with is the LIES, series of lies. and what troubles me most is after naming the guys and the sequence in which she went out with them, she gave a different sequence in which she went out with the next time we were talking about it..... so it makes me think. how can one forget the order in which he or she has dated people??? was she clueless or was she lying so she forgot what she said the first time?
Jimmyjackson Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 1 guy or 100 guys, what's the difference ? Obviously id be worried if a girlfriend had slept with 100 but my point is sex is sex. She's had someone else in her before you anyway, so what if it's more than 1? 1
Ruby65 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I said I love her and still consider marrying her, It simply implies I have forgiven her for such acts. It was her past and she has the right to do what ever she wanted. what am finding difficulty in dealing with is the LIES, series of lies. and what troubles me most is after naming the guys and the sequence in which she went out with them, she gave a different sequence in which she went out with the next time we were talking about it..... so it makes me think. how can one forget the order in which he or she has dated people??? was she clueless or was she lying so she forgot what she said the first time? Can you recite the names of every prostitute you had sex with? Seriously, you need to stop judging and get over it. Move on or set her free to find someone less judgmental. 1
Author Captin Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 I didnt date those prostitutes meanwhile she dated those guys so I expected her to know the sequence in which she dated them... And Like I stated in the post above, I love her and I really wanna move on, in this case I need help in putting this behind me. Any suggesstions??? I also asked whether it was important to dig more about her just to really know her or should I just assume she told me the actual truth? Plz help me with advices on how to put this behind me. I cant go an hour without thinking about it
Ruby65 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I honestly don't understand where you get off having so many suspicions about her dating past when you've got a history of paying "countless" prostitutes for sex? Do you even get that SHE'S the one who should be on here posting these questions and concerns about you? Anyhow, I've already given my advice, which is to get over it and just forgive and forget. Best of luck to you.
Satu Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Unless I am mistaken, you have re-registered under a new nick. If this is not the case, another poster has had a remarkably similar experience.
Author Captin Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 Nope. I am very new to this page. if possible, give me the link to such post lemme see the comments of people under the post.. it might be helpful
Author Captin Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 I really wanna move on but I need advice on how to do it.
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