Can it be that sometimes it just DOESN'T get better?

[Strength in Healing]

Let me start by saying that the odds are in your favor of healing, and ending up stronger and smarter than before. It's important you understand and strive for that.

 

Me, though, at this point it's just that I haven't gotten better.

 

 

It all started over a year ago.

 

We met and connected like crazy. I've dated plenty of girls, got to know even more. However, never had I had so much in common with someone. I don't throw around soulmate in seriousness, ever. But that's what we called each other.

 

I've never felt like I did with her, with anyone.

 

The issue was, we lived an hour away and were both busy.

 

After three months, she blew me off two days in a row when we had plans for her to come meet my dads girlfriend at a winery (she and I loved winery's). Her excuse was this was her first day home alone in a while and she was going to stay home. She said we will do it tomorrow. So I get my dad and his gf (who both are busy) to switch to tomorrow last minute. Then my ex did it again. So I called her, told her she seemed too busy for a relationship and broke up with her.

 

When I hung up, she text me saying she apologized if she didn't come off upset. And made me promise that when we are less busy, I'd give her another chance. I agreed.

 

I would text her here and there, and she text me here and there. But she was weird. Had an anxiety problem and wasn't easy to get together with before we started dating. And once we broke up, she went back to that. Always made plans (she often made them) and then would make an excuse last minute.

 

 

 

Anyways, haven't spoken in a while. Many months.

 

But the pain is worse than it was even the day of the breakup. The pain is worse than it was 4 months after the breakup. Dreams eat me alive. Every day I miss her and us.

 

I tried taking back the breakup once, and told her how I felt. It got nowhere.

 

All that's left these days is the pain. Which is ridiculous because we were only together a few months. I had less pain leaving relationships I had been in for years. Just makes no sense and hurts. Bad.

 

 

I suppose this was just to vent. Maybe see if anyone out there is in a similar place. For me, it just isn't getting better. Hope everyone is faring better, though.

[Ruby65]

I can relate. I just think some people are harder to get over than others. I've had a lot of relationships in my life -- and a long marriage -- and really only felt that "soulmate" level of connection twice. Those are the two exes I still miss and feel sad about, even though one I haven't seen or spoken to in 20 years!

 

I read somewhere that we hold onto the pain because it's all that's left of a dream we once had.

 

Works for me!

[Strength in Healing]

20 years? Oh God that's scary.

 

I hope one day she wants to come back. That or I hope one day I stop wanting her to.

[Ruby65]

You WILL!

 

And look -- it's not like I've been pining for some ex for 20 years hahahaha! I've had other relationships, been really happy with other people. But yeah, I'd think of him. Also he's a filmmaker and has movies come out so it's not like it's easy to just FORGET.

 

My last ex, too, was special that way. It's going to be a long time to get over.

 

But people like these are good because they serve to raise the bar and keep your standards up.

[aloneinaz]

20 years? Oh God that's scary.

 

I hope one day she wants to come back. That or I hope one day I stop wanting her to.

 

Sounds like a classic case of over romanticizing a short relationship. It was so short that you stayed in the honeymoon phase during it. At the end of the day you have to tell yourself she didn't want you. Why pine over someone who doesn't want to be in your life? What you need to learn from the experience is what you liked about her, how she made you feel and what to look for in your next GF.

 

To me, you haven't met anyone you liked as much as her since. That's normal. Keep plugging away until you do.

 

Many folks have intense relationships where we think "this could be the one" and then they end. After that, we remember only the good parts of the relationship and fail to remember the BS.

 

Lot of people think about a past ex or exes. It's normal and can be fun. I do but in all cases, I know I'm not with them for a reason.

[erklat]

Sounds like a classic case of over romanticizing a short relationship. It was so short that you stayed in the honeymoon phase during it.

 

Nailed it here. Pain somehow subsided for me at eleven months mark. In the meantime

I scored some pretty large life milestones. I thought the times when I will not think ablu her

fondly while the pain in my chest was choking me will never come. But eventually it came

alright.

[dyna85]

Someone who is too busy to make time for you is not worth it. Sounds like she wasn't on par with you in the relationship readiness department.

 

I understand how you feel though, given the connection you experienced.

 

It's not very often we meet someone with whom we share a deep connection.

 

I think it's just more time that you need. More time, and another person who will treasure time spent with you and not make excuses.