Guitarisgood Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's a bit scary because I'm in my early 20's. I'll admit I've had a horror run with woman and lately I'm just not interested. I'd rather throw what free time I have in between an intensive course at uni into my hobbies and some down time to escape from the world. I talk to my mate and he is always on about his next 'conquest' in online dating. I talk to a few others and they're talking about their long term crushes. My female friends are discussing about their drama in current relationships or why a crush doesn't like them. Here I am just as the listener. It's wierd. A year ago I was one of them. Is it simply I'm not getting out there and meeting new potential woman? I mean I'm still meeting new people but again, none of them attract me. It's like I lost that spark - the one where you see an interest you like/ have a conversation with them and it brightens up your day. I don't have that anymore. I almost see it all as just monotony - meeting someone then ending up in a relationship. Hence I don't even try. I mean, I do want to meet someone, I do want to date, but my heart just is not into it. And because of that, I fear I lose the experience when it will one day matter the most. Anyone know how to get that back? I literally have a few girls competing for my attention at the moment and yet I'll leave messages unanswered and date suggestions with dodgy excuses while I play my guitar at home or head off on an adventure. 1
neowulf Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I mean, I do want to meet someone, I do want to date, but my heart just is not into it. And because of that, I fear I lose the experience when it will one day matter the most. Anyone know how to get that back? I literally have a few girls competing for my attention at the moment and yet I'll leave messages unanswered and date suggestions with dodgy excuses while I play my guitar at home or head off on an adventure. Been there man, more than a few times. Best course of action is just take the focus off dating and live your life for a while. When the urge to meet women comes back, dating will be waiting for you. You've got the time. 2
loverboy69 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Yea I agree with Neo. We all go through phases due to hormones and other environmental or mental factors. In my experience I didn't realize that the daily medications I was prescribed to take we're killing my sex drive. In the not so distant future you will fall in love and fall hard. You'll see. It'll come out of nowhere. In the meantime the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. Get in better shape, get a better paying position at work or use your free time to boost your educational credentials. Without even realizing it your confidence levels will be out the roof in no time which will only make you appear sexier to everyone. 1
Toodaloo Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's a bit scary because I'm in my early 20's. I'll admit I've had a horror run with woman and lately I'm just not interested. I'd rather throw what free time I have in between an intensive course at uni into my hobbies and some down time to escape from the world. I mean, I do want to meet someone, I do want to date, but my heart just is not into it. And because of that, I fear I lose the experience when it will one day matter the most. Anyone know how to get that back? I literally have a few girls competing for my attention at the moment and yet I'll leave messages unanswered and date suggestions with dodgy excuses while I play my guitar at home or head off on an adventure. Don't worry about it. We all get there at some point. Men, women... I logged back onto my OLD account yesterday and am wishing I hadn't. I just can't face it all... over... again. Date when you feel ready. If you meet and get to know someone and want to take them out do it! If not then carry on with the things you enjoy. Life isn't a race to get hooked up into a bad marriage and breed. Its about making the right choices for you. Some enjoy it, some don't. Enjoy your friends stories and let them enjoy yours about the latest tune you have mastered on the guitar or some place you went and visited. Like neuwolf says dating will still be there when you want to. Don't fret. 2
hotpotato Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I can relate, and I wonder if this time ive lost the drive for good. Of course, when you lose interest in dating everyone wants to date you. I havent quite figured this out. Im also finding more and more hobbies to fill my time. *shrug*
Popsicle Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 The more heartfelt experiences you have, the more picky you become. 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Ever since I hit 25, the pain, frustration, of being a late bloomer has made me unmotivated to take action to fix my issues with women because I know I will always be behind
alphamale Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 by choice i have not dated in over a year. it's just not a priority anymore. maybe it's because i just turned 50, who knows?
carhill Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Anyone ever lost that 'drive' to date? At your age, 20's, can't say I ever did and it was tested continuously by rejection. After divorce at 50? Yeah, moving on. BTDT. I'd rather spend time otherwise spent seeking out the few single women around rehabbing houses and providing nice homes for young couples and their families. That puts a smile on my face. Dating, nah....
almond Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I've never had a drive to date, it has always just fallen into my lap. Admittedly, being a female probably helped. I was always focused on other things, but occasionally, someone is too hard to resist.
Redhead14 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's a bit scary because I'm in my early 20's. I'll admit I've had a horror run with woman and lately I'm just not interested. I'd rather throw what free time I have in between an intensive course at uni into my hobbies and some down time to escape from the world. I talk to my mate and he is always on about his next 'conquest' in online dating. I talk to a few others and they're talking about their long term crushes. My female friends are discussing about their drama in current relationships or why a crush doesn't like them. Here I am just as the listener. It's wierd. A year ago I was one of them. Is it simply I'm not getting out there and meeting new potential woman? I mean I'm still meeting new people but again, none of them attract me. It's like I lost that spark - the one where you see an interest you like/ have a conversation with them and it brightens up your day. I don't have that anymore. I almost see it all as just monotony - meeting someone then ending up in a relationship. Hence I don't even try. I mean, I do want to meet someone, I do want to date, but my heart just is not into it. And because of that, I fear I lose the experience when it will one day matter the most. Anyone know how to get that back? I literally have a few girls competing for my attention at the moment and yet I'll leave messages unanswered and date suggestions with dodgy excuses while I play my guitar at home or head off on an adventure. You are very young yet. Don't focus on finding someone right now. Focus on yourself. I'd rather throw what free time I have in between an intensive course at uni into my hobbies and some down time to escape from the world. while I play my guitar at home or head off on an adventure What you are feeling now is not about losing the drive to date, it's about you being young and wanting to enjoy freedom and adventure. You're maybe a little restless. but my heart just is not into it. Follow your heart. I fear I lose the experience when it will one day matter the most. Anyone know how to get that back? It will come back naturally when you do find one who sparks that in you and it will be when you least expect it It's like boiling water. A watched pot never boils
JJCaliGirl Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Most definitely! I'm somewhat in that mindset right now. I'm in a complicated position with an ex right now, and while I want us to figure this out, I fear waiting on him and ultimately being hurt (me not him as I think he's moved on and not being honest about it). Because of the situation and just how exhausting dating is, I nearly want to throw the towel in for a bit. You are young which is a good thing. Spend some time by yourself, and at some point, you will want to share your life with another person. Don't get too down on yourself about your feelings right now.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I wonder why people still date and have relationships over 30, over 40
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I wonder why people still date and have relationships over 30, over 40 Because humans are social beings. We need the interaction, love and companionship. I think as we age, our skin becomes thicker and we're not as bothered by failed relationship or rejection. We realize it's simply part of life that we have to experience. To the OP, yes, burning out on dating and taking breaks from it is a good thing. Sometimes being alone is good for our soul. You'll know when you're ready to start again. Don't worry about it. We've all been there.
alphamale Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Because humans are social beings. We need the interaction, love and companionship. I think as we age, our skin becomes thicker and we're not as bothered by failed relationship or rejection. We realize it's simply part of life that we have to experience. To the OP, yes, burning out on dating and taking breaks from it is a good thing. Sometimes being alone is good for our soul. You'll know when you're ready to start again. Don't worry about it. We've all been there. good advice
cessna Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 At 27 I've reached a point where I just don't care any more. I'm sure it's a temporary thing but right now I'm content with being on my own. In fact the longer I am alone the more I start to enjoy it. I had my first date in years the other week. It was okay but I just couldn't really be bothered with it. I even thought seriously about cancelling it before and just being truthful with her. I really struggle to even get a date so I wouldn't say I'm tired of dating, I think I'm just tired with trying to get a date. I find the whole process of dating/picking up women boring and a chore to be honest.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Because humans are social beings. We need the interaction, love and companionship. I think as we age, our skin becomes thicker and we're not as bothered by failed relationship or rejection. We realize it's simply part of life that we have to experience. To the OP, yes, burning out on dating and taking breaks from it is a good thing. Sometimes being alone is good for our soul. You'll know when you're ready to start again. Don't worry about it. We've all been there. Ya, its just painful being a late starter
No Limit Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I never even had this 'drive' so far. There was a time when I pondered about it a little when 80% of my friend group suddenly got into relationships but I lost interest after a couple of days.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 the longest record for me lately of No Fap is 10 days, I wonder if I go over 2 or 3 weeks, that will make me more motivated, affect my confidence.
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