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Anyone here ever get multiple "final" messages from the Ex?

Country_Girl

By Country_Girl
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Country_Girl Established Member

Country_Girl

Posted
Posted

I just don't see the point...

 

So I got a message the other day from an ex of 5 and a half years ago.

 

If you want cliff notes: we dated 3 years, half was long distance. Moved to another country to be with him. Thought we got married but he lied to the pastor and the paperwork was never filed. Had to move back home on my parents dime with a handful of clothes and start over from the beginning again. He told me to keep the ring and it turned out to be a fake. I didn't harbor any ill will since he was 5 years younger than me and it was his first relationship. He broke up with me btw.

 

Few months after breakup I got the "miss you" breadcrumbs.

 

Then a few months later got the "final email" then a few months later got a "final" text and phone call. I was ok with this and wished him well each time.

 

A year or two later (who knows really) he texted saying he had a bad dream and wanted to talk. Talked on the phone a bit and he wished to add me on Facebook. I said all good go ahead. We messaged off and on - on Facebook for a year or so, just casual conversation and such, and not often.

 

I started dating last fall and removed 'casual' friends from Facebook, him included. He lives in another country, and we only catch up maybe once every 6 months, I figured "what's the point"?

 

Anyway, I got another final message from him a few days ago. We usually wish eachother happy b-day, I didn't get one from him this year, I didn't notice until now because of the message he sent. He pretty much said "this is our final parting of ways because I didn't reply to a birthday email he sent and because his birthday just passed and I didn't send a happy birthday wish".

 

Wth? Checked my inbox and did not get a birthday email. And no I didn't send him one, I've been dating and super busy right now and didn't send a happy b day email to him. Like I said, we broke up 5.5 years ago...sorry I forgot to email but geez.

 

Does it make me an a** to not reply? I've gotten so many "final" messages that were not final, I think that might be the best bet for him to move on?

frigginlost Established Member

frigginlost

Posted
Posted
I just don't see the point...

 

So I got a message the other day from an ex of 5 and a half years ago.

 

If you want cliff notes: we dated 3 years, half was long distance. Moved to another country to be with him. Thought we got married but he lied to the pastor and the paperwork was never filed. Had to move back home on my parents dime with a handful of clothes and start over from the beginning again. He told me to keep the ring and it turned out to be a fake. I didn't harbor any ill will since he was 5 years younger than me and it was his first relationship. He broke up with me btw.

 

Few months after breakup I got the "miss you" breadcrumbs.

 

Then a few months later got the "final email" then a few months later got a "final" text and phone call. I was ok with this and wished him well each time.

 

A year or two later (who knows really) he texted saying he had a bad dream and wanted to talk. Talked on the phone a bit and he wished to add me on Facebook. I said all good go ahead. We messaged off and on - on Facebook for a year or so, just casual conversation and such, and not often.

 

I started dating last fall and removed 'casual' friends from Facebook, him included. He lives in another country, and we only catch up maybe once every 6 months, I figured "what's the point"?

 

Anyway, I got another final message from him a few days ago. We usually wish eachother happy b-day, I didn't get one from him this year, I didn't notice until now because of the message he sent. He pretty much said "this is our final parting of ways because I didn't reply to a birthday email he sent and because his birthday just passed and I didn't send a happy birthday wish".

 

Wth? Checked my inbox and did not get a birthday email. And no I didn't send him one, I've been dating and super busy right now and didn't send a happy b day email to him. Like I said, we broke up 5.5 years ago...sorry I forgot to email but geez.

 

Does it make me an a** to not reply? I've gotten so many "final" messages that were not final, I think that might be the best bet for him to move on?

 

5.5 years... wow.

 

It's pretty obvious that he can't let go of you. I think his "final" emails are a reflection of the hurt he still carries and is his way of "testing" where your head is at. It's a cheap form of manipulation, but he may not even realize it.

 

If it is truly bothering you and you wish to never hear from him again, tell him that. If it does not really bother you too much and you want to remain somewhat friendly, just ignore it.

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

Posted
Posted

I am typically on good terms after the end of a relationship with the ex if they were not douche bags. If they were, I'd never waste my time replying to someone, especially from 5 years ago..

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Country_Girl Established Member

Country_Girl

Posted
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Posted
5.5 years... wow.

 

It's pretty obvious that he can't let go of you. I think his "final" emails are a reflection of the hurt he still carries and is his way of "testing" where your head is at. It's a cheap form of manipulation, but he may not even realize it.

 

If it is truly bothering you and you wish to never hear from him again, tell him that. If it does not really bother you too much and you want to remain somewhat friendly, just ignore it.

 

Thanks for the insight FrigginLost, I do think it's manipulation, but yeah, I don't think he realizes it. I also think a lot of it is guilt relief, as how he handled things directly after breakup (said/did some mean things) but I already told him years ago that it's water under the bridge. He should know that.

 

I really hate ignoring people, but I think I should in this instance. I don't hate him or not want to hear about him again, but getting so tired of these draining emails stating it will be the last time I hear from him. If it's final, then let it be final.

minime13 Established Member

minime13

Posted
Posted
Thanks for the insight FrigginLost, I do think it's manipulation, but yeah, I don't think he realizes it. I also think a lot of it is guilt relief, as how he handled things directly after breakup (said/did some mean things) but I already told him years ago that it's water under the bridge. He should know that.

 

I really hate ignoring people, but I think I should in this instance. I don't hate him or not want to hear about him again, but getting so tired of these draining emails stating it will be the last time I hear from him. If it's final, then let it be final.

 

Best thing would be to ignore, because responding or opening up communication again does neither of you any good.

 

I would be willing to bet that he's never forgiven himself for what he did, and it's keeping him from being able to move on. You won't be able to help him with that, and it could just drag you into some unnecessary drama. Just let it be, because over 5 years and still hanging on is not normal.

fireflywy Established Member

fireflywy

Posted
Posted
I just don't see the point...

 

So I got a message the other day from an ex of 5 and a half years ago.

 

If you want cliff notes: we dated 3 years, half was long distance. Moved to another country to be with him. Thought we got married but he lied to the pastor and the paperwork was never filed. Had to move back home on my parents dime with a handful of clothes and start over from the beginning again. He told me to keep the ring and it turned out to be a fake. I didn't harbor any ill will since he was 5 years younger than me and it was his first relationship. He broke up with me btw.

 

Few months after breakup I got the "miss you" breadcrumbs.

 

Then a few months later got the "final email" then a few months later got a "final" text and phone call. I was ok with this and wished him well each time.

 

A year or two later (who knows really) he texted saying he had a bad dream and wanted to talk. Talked on the phone a bit and he wished to add me on Facebook. I said all good go ahead. We messaged off and on - on Facebook for a year or so, just casual conversation and such, and not often.

 

I started dating last fall and removed 'casual' friends from Facebook, him included. He lives in another country, and we only catch up maybe once every 6 months, I figured "what's the point"?

 

Anyway, I got another final message from him a few days ago. We usually wish eachother happy b-day, I didn't get one from him this year, I didn't notice until now because of the message he sent. He pretty much said "this is our final parting of ways because I didn't reply to a birthday email he sent and because his birthday just passed and I didn't send a happy birthday wish".

 

Wth? Checked my inbox and did not get a birthday email. And no I didn't send him one, I've been dating and super busy right now and didn't send a happy b day email to him. Like I said, we broke up 5.5 years ago...sorry I forgot to email but geez.

 

Does it make me an a** to not reply? I've gotten so many "final" messages that were not final, I think that might be the best bet for him to move on?

 

No you're not an ass for not responding. At the end of the day, he's a relic from long in the past its time to just set him aside permanently and step into the future. He's baggage from a trip you took a LOOONG time ago. Leave him at the airport.

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Country_Girl Established Member

Country_Girl

Posted
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Posted
Best thing would be to ignore, because responding or opening up communication again does neither of you any good.

 

I would be willing to bet that he's never forgiven himself for what he did, and it's keeping him from being able to move on. You won't be able to help him with that, and it could just drag you into some unnecessary drama. Just let it be, because over 5 years and still hanging on is not normal.

 

Agreed. I just don't know why he can't forgive himself, even though I told him long ago that I have. Multiple times.

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Country_Girl Established Member

Country_Girl

Posted
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Posted
No you're not an ass for not responding. At the end of the day, he's a relic from long in the past its time to just set him aside permanently and step into the future. He's baggage from a trip you took a LOOONG time ago. Leave him at the airport.

 

I just wish he would let it be. It's really draining getting these final emails/calls/texts every 6 months or so. It's like I move on then get a message, puts me back. Why do I have to second guess, I wasn't the one who left?

 

I'm thinking I just need to block him at this point.

frigginlost Established Member

frigginlost

Posted
Posted
I just wish he would let it be. It's really draining getting these final emails/calls/texts every 6 months or so. It's like I move on then get a message, puts me back. Why do I have to second guess, I wasn't the one who left?

 

I'm thinking I just need to block him at this point.

 

There ya go. If it is for you, then by all means do so.

 

Sometimes folks need to learn the hard way that the actions they haven taken in their past dictate the outcome of their future. It sounds like he needs to come to terms with that...

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted

"Final" messages are funny, yeah. It tends to be a misnomer bc the people who have supposedly "final" things to say actually have much, much more to say most times. ;)

 

You're not being an ass IMO, no.

Ruby65 Established Member

Ruby65

Posted
Posted

Yeah, go ahead and block him. He sounds like a bit of a drama queen, honestly.

 

I had an ex who'd contact me every nine months or so -- I finally realized he probably did it every time he was between girlfriends. It was always late at night, he'd be sitting there all boozy and nostalgic and filled with self-pity and fire me off an email. :laugh:

 

I'm wondering if your ex's latest happy birthday message got sent into your "other" box on Facebook after you unfriended him?

 

I've found messages in there from random people who weren't on my friends list from years back... oops. :sick:

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted

Yes, ignore, delete and block...

 

Time for him to move on.

Clarence_Boddicker Established Member

Clarence_Boddicker

Posted
Posted

Send him a final message stating that you hope life goes well for him, you forgive him, he needs to forgive himself & you need closure and to move on by focusing on people that are available to you in your own country.

 

 

Then block him on everything.

fireflywy Established Member

fireflywy

Posted
Posted
I just wish he would let it be. It's really draining getting these final emails/calls/texts every 6 months or so. It's like I move on then get a message, puts me back. Why do I have to second guess, I wasn't the one who left?

 

I'm thinking I just need to block him at this point.

 

Sometimes it not up to them for us to set them aside. I think your final sentence says it all.

Meli22 Established Member

Meli22

Posted
Posted

He's not letting go. For what reason I dont know. I had an ex once who, after 3 years, decided he just wanted to be single. I got lots of final messages from him too. He even admitted to me he couldn't let go. In the end it was ME consolling him and saying we wouldn't work out. Doesn't make sense to me, these are the people who ended it so in my eyes they have already let go. But sometimes people don't think things through as we know. I can't believe he lied about your marriage though AND had a fake ring.... mind blowing.

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