minime13 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 YOU were the one who said breaks are something "both people agree to"... which isn't the case here. And I did NOT break up with my then-boyfriend of decades past. I told him I needed "a break" and "time to think" while I quietly checked out (not hooked up with) someone else who was on the horizon and captured my interest. Then I decided against it and let my boyfriend know our "break" was over. He never had any idea what was really going on. I don't know one person who's had a "break" that didn't lead to a breakup. I don't see stories on sites like this about "breaks" leading to reconcilliation. You don't see posts like "wow, things are so great between us now that we took that mutually agreed upon break!" You see posts that say: "my girlfriend/boyfriend wants a break" and these stories usually lead to breakups. I can't remember reading a successful reconciliation after a break. But seriously, why give OP false hope at this point? WHY defend "breaks" or pretend they're a positive thing? Both people have to agree to it. Only one person has to agree to a break-up. Why even defend being in a relationship at all, then? Almost all end up with a break-up. I defend it because it's such a defeatist attitude to automatically assume it's over after a break. He's already prepared for the worst, and I'm just telling him it could go either way. They're as risky as relationships, period. They'll work if problems can be worked out. They won't if they can't be.
Ruby65 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I defend it because it's such a defeatist attitude to automatically assume it's over after a break. He's already prepared for the worst, and I'm just telling him it could go either way. In my opinion it's NOT defeatest to try and help someone through what's coming after his girlfriend -- who's asked for a break and been distant for 6-odd weeks -- now says "we need to talk." Giving him false hope in this circumstance is not kind -- again, just in my opinion. In any case, we'll just have to agree to disagree on that point. 1
hunk Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 If OP's girlfriend doesn't break up with him at the end of this break, and if this "talk" she wants to have isn't her dumping him, I will wear a dress to work next week, for the entire week, post links to pictures here, send everyone in this thread $20 and permanently delete my LS account afterwards. I promise. I can actually guarantee he is getting dumped. 2
Strength in Healing Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 good work. take the bull by the horns. you are doing everything right. all is not lost. i'm rooting for you. No offense, and call me jaded, but I truly think you're giving him false hope. Once a break has been made, the chain is broke. You can weld it back together but it's only a matter of time. Period. Country girl was correct. A break is a break up. To the poster above me, Hunk: you're right. Count me in on the bet. I'll wear makeup and a wig for a week with raccoon eye shadow lol To the topic creator, do you truly believe you've become a better version of yourself so quickly? 1
BC1980 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's pretty obvious the OP is going to get dumped. I could see that in the first post. The thing with breaks is that they usually benefit one person. It's never mutual. I've never seen a mutual break. Some people may pay lip service and claim it was a good idea, but they don't mean it. There is always one person holding the power in a break.
BC1980 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 No offense, and call me jaded, but I truly think you're giving him false hope. Once a break has been made, the chain is broke. You can weld it back together but it's only a matter of time. Period. Country girl was correct. A break is a break up. To the poster above me, Hunk: you're right. Count me in on the bet. I'll wear makeup and a wig for a week with raccoon eye shadow lol To the topic creator, do you truly believe you've become a better version of yourself so quickly? Agree. You're not jaded. You're realistic. I can't believe that anyone is telling the OP he has a chance. This is as cut and dry as I've seen a story. It's over. 2
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I simply can't believe ANYONE thinks there's going to be a happy outcome to someone telling her partner "I need a break". As someone said, couple who love each other but are going thru hard time work on it as a couple, they don't take a break! I don't know ANY successful relationship that's lasted long term that experienced a break or break up. Not one. When someone says they need a break, the are too big a coward to just end it. And, when the other partner accepts the break, they are to weak to say "really? Um yea, no.. let's just end it".. I could NEVER trust a person again who needed a break in a relationship..ever. OP, you still have a choice to NOT get dumped. Take control of this, end the relationship, vanish, heal and move on. You will so respect yourself more down the road vs. being the patsy and letting her dictate everything which will include dumping you.. Pls don't come on here and start a "she just dumped me thread" in the coming days.. I'm not sure you'll get much compassion.
Author shawns77 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 I guess this is the main reason I wrote this on here...to get some opinions. Closure is what I really need...I've never had that at the end of a relationship before. Thank you all for your opinions.
No Limit Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Break off the engagement right away. And get the money for the rings back. 1
Ruby65 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I guess this is the main reason I wrote this on here...to get some opinions. Closure is what I really need...I've never had that at the end of a relationship before. Thank you all for your opinions. (((Hugs to you!))) You really WILL be okay. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck -- and keep posting. People here really do want to help. 1
minime13 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) I simply can't believe ANYONE thinks there's going to be a happy outcome to someone telling her partner "I need a break". As someone said, couple who love each other but are going thru hard time work on it as a couple, they don't take a break! I don't know ANY successful relationship that's lasted long term that experienced a break or break up. Not one. When someone says they need a break, the are too big a coward to just end it. And, when the other partner accepts the break, they are to weak to say "really? Um yea, no.. let's just end it".. I could NEVER trust a person again who needed a break in a relationship..ever. OP, you still have a choice to NOT get dumped. Take control of this, end the relationship, vanish, heal and move on. You will so respect yourself more down the road vs. being the patsy and letting her dictate everything which will include dumping you.. Pls don't come on here and start a "she just dumped me thread" in the coming days.. I'm not sure you'll get much compassion. After seeing 2 couples do this and eventually get married, I can't see why people see no other option to it. I guess we all have our experiences. I never once said she would want to get back together, and even stated to prepare for other outcomes. Saying something that has the same track record as relationships in general is 100% destined to fail is not reality. Edited May 21, 2015 by minime13
Chi townD Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Okay dude, sorry but I'm going to have to be blunt with you. There's probably another guy in the picture. That's why she wants "to take a break" rather than "break up". Because she doesn't know where things are going to play out with this other dude. If things look like they're progressing in the right direction, then she'll make this "taking a break" more permanent. If things don't work out with this other dude, then she'll come back saying, "Okay! Breaks over! I love you again!" But, here's the rub. You can't get mad of who she was dating or what she did with this other dude because, "WE WERE ON A BREAK! WHAT I DID WITH THIS OTHER GUY DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE WE WEREN'T TOGETHER!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU DIDN'T DATE WHILE WE WERE ON A BREAK!" Don't ya just LOVE technicalities!!!! 1
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 After seeing 2 couples do this and eventually get married, I can't see why people see no other option to it. I guess we all have our experiences. Yes we do. I'd say the VAST majority of reconciliations fail. Every relationship I gave a second or more chance did. Why? Because people don't change. The same things that caused the initial break up reappear. As others have said, if you truly LOVE your partner you don't take a break, you work on while still together. You exhaust all opportunities before finally ending it. Don't get me wrong. I'm an optimist and romantic at heart. I love happy, movie style endings. Its terrific when people break up and get back together and live happily ever after. I can also be a realist as well. Those happy endings are a VERY small percentage of reconciliations.. This site proves that..
minime13 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Yes we do. I'd say the VAST majority of reconciliations fail. Every relationship I gave a second or more chance did. Why? Because people don't change. The same things that caused the initial break up reappear. As others have said, if you truly LOVE your partner you don't take a break, you work on while still together. You exhaust all opportunities before finally ending it. Don't get me wrong. I'm an optimist and romantic at heart. I love happy, movie style endings. Its terrific when people break up and get back together and live happily ever after. I can also be a realist as well. Those happy endings are a VERY small percentage of reconciliations.. This site proves that.. As are relationships in general. All but one end in a break-up. That was my main point. If people want to automatically dismiss a break as a break up, they can, but to me it's like automatically dismissing relationships, which have the same success/failure rate. It's defeatist. It does, though, come down to what people are willing to work on, and if they actually do.
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