Should I break it off or keep trying?

[difficult_decisions]

Hey everyone,

 

This is going to be an update since my last post (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/526510-falling-fast-one).

 

Now that first initial high of meeting someone new has dissipated, things have become a little more clear. I've ended up investing too much too early. I've had moments of weakness when I was being insecure about her probably never being ready, and she's seen it. A lot of the build up is now being unraveled.

 

It's been about a month and a half now and we're exclusive. But lately we've been having more talks about how she feels like there's no attraction yet, and it may or may not happen. She says I'm a really good guy for her and that she wants to see things pan out.

 

Unfortunately, I'm getting to the point where I'm emotionally unsatisfied because she's saying things have been stagnant. She doesn't have that "head over heels" feeling for me or that passion. Yet she calls me constantly, texts me and facetimes me everyday. She says she enjoys my company and being around me.

 

I have a feeling she's just not attracted to me because I got invested too quickly, or that I was too available or not assertive enough or whatnot. And I definitely believe she's keeping me around because she doesn't want to be alone, even when she says those aren't her intentions.

 

Is this something I should just try and see if things will get better, or do I need to run far away? I've been contemplating a lot about ending things here, but I'm afraid that I may be making a mistake or regret not trying. How do I turn this around and gain control of this situation, because right now she has all the power. And if I were to end things, how will I say it to her? Thoughts?

Edited May 21, 2015 by difficult_decisions

[Redhead14]

Hey everyone,

 

This is going to be an update since my last post (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/526510-falling-fast-one).

 

Now that first initial high of meeting someone new has dissipated, things have become a little more clear. I've ended up investing too much too early. I've had moments of weakness when I was being insecure about her probably never being ready, and she's seen it. A lot of the build up is now being unraveled.

 

It's been about a month and a half now and we're exclusive. But lately we've been having more talks about how she feels like there's no attraction yet, and it may or may not happen. She says I'm a really good guy for her and that she wants to see things pan out.

 

Unfortunately, I'm getting to the point where I'm emotionally unsatisfied because she's saying things have been stagnant. She doesn't have that "head over heels" feeling for me or that passion. Yet she calls me constantly, texts me and facetimes me everyday. She says she enjoys my company and being around me.

 

I have a feeling she's just not attracted to me because I got invested too quickly, or that I was too available or not assertive enough or whatnot. And I definitely believe she's keeping me around because she doesn't want to be alone, even when she says those aren't her intentions.

 

Is this something I should just try and see if things will get better, or do I need to run far away? I've been contemplating a lot about ending things here, but I'm afraid that I may be making a mistake or regret not trying. How do I turn this around and gain control of this situation, because right now she has all the power. And if I were to end things, how will I say it to her? Thoughts?

 

I definitely believe she's keeping me around because she doesn't want to be alone -- If that's true, why are you stringing yourself along?

 

I've been contemplating a lot about ending things -- You are thinking more about ending it than continuing, then that's what you should do.

 

Simply tell her you've enjoyed spending time with her but you two aren't a good match. You don't need to be specific or try to manage her emotions.

[Gaeta]

 

she feels like there's no attraction yet, and it may or may not happen. She says I'm a really good guy for her and that she wants to see things pan out.

 

she's saying things have been stagnant. She doesn't have that "head over heels" feeling for me or that passion.

 

After a month if attraction isn't there it won't magically appear.

 

I'm trying to imagine if a man I'm seeing told me these things. I wouldn't be able to spend one more minute with him.

 

I am afraid there is no salvaging this. Once a first impression is spoiled it cannot be reversed.

 

Tell her she's a great girl, you enjoy your time with her BUT you are looking for a connection it's not happening with her.

[Patrice]

I met a guy about 6 weeks ago, who had asked me out - we made dinner plans, then my mother passed away - unexpectedly. He showed up at her calling hours, at her funeral (and barely knew me). Then started pressuring me to be available every night, wanted me to stay over, pressured me for sex, and the final straw was showing up at my door unannounced (like he was checking up on me). I told him, I needed space - I work fulltime, my family is grieving, that he was pushing me too fast, and that I have other people in my life I want to spend time with. He kept texting me on Tuesday night about "talking" and sorting it out, and I said I would when I was ready. I got home yesterday to a nasty note on my door saying he wasn't into power trips or headgames and goodbye. To be honest, the pushiness was such a turnoff to me, and the lack of feeling respected when I am dealing with the death of my mom, was hideous.

[misspond]

After a month if attraction isn't there it won't magically appear.

 

I'm trying to imagine if a man I'm seeing told me these things. I wouldn't be able to spend one more minute with him.

 

I am afraid there is no salvaging this. Once a first impression is spoiled it cannot be reversed.

 

Tell her she's a great girl, you enjoy your time with her BUT you are looking for a connection it's not happening with her.

 

I agree with Gaeta.

 

If someone's not "all in" with you then you should bail out. It sounds harsh but it's been my recent experience that I had two dates with someone who was more into me than I was into him and so I cut it short so as not to waste his time.

 

Conversely, I also spent time with someone who was not as into me as I was with him, and I had two dates more than I should have had with him (four in total) because for whatever reasons of his own he wasn't able to say, "I don't think we should do this." I can only surmise that I was some form of validation for him, so I cut that one short too, eventually.

 

Don't let someone waste your time like this - yes, I know that attraction can build for some people if they're guarding their heart for whatever reason, but at the end of the day you can only be responsible for the care of your own.