Turning my bad day into remembering how proud I am for how far I've come

[LooperDooper]

Not sure why, just out of the blue thinking about her again. Well I can acknowledge I miss her and that her company was something I valued. Hurting a little bit knowing she is happily together with her new guy and here I am lonely and unable to even picture being with somebody for a while.

 

Hate seeing her everyday and her friends. Just want to get out and start a new life but clearly can't. I just wish I had a softer heart so I could be like other people, instead of having such a hard one where opening up and loving somebody is not easy. Now I gotta go through this pain to heal and close my heart for this particular girl but it's going to be a long time before I can love somebody again.

 

Broken up for about 3 months now. NC for 1.5 months however I still have to be near her everyday. This sucks. I should have listened to myself from the start and knew this girl wasn't as real to me as she made it sound.

 

I just want to find THAT girl who will never let me down and whom I can love for the rest of my life. That's it, no more pain and no more dishonesty in my life. Just that ONE girl who will erase all my pains and all my doubts about loving again. Just that ONE who I can seriously proudly call the perfect complement to my life. Just ONE to love.

 

I need to forget the hurtful people, but 3 months later still haven't been able to do it. Hanging on though, well don't have much choice anyways. Thanks to anybody who read.

[thelonewanderer]

I think I am just starting this process and I find it hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. It gives me courage to see that you, someone further down the line from me has made it this far. Be strong.

[LooperDooper]

I think I am just starting this process and I find it hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. It gives me courage to see that you, someone further down the line from me has made it this far. Be strong.

 

I'm not going to lie, it does get better but it's all in your head. It's all a matter of you truly accepting life and accepting your future. I mean at first I started doing NC to really getting her to miss me, but then one day I broke it after 2 weeks. That's when everything in my mind changed. She pretty much told me she didn't want me in her life and she needed to be away. I lost all the "false" hope I had, and well things were hard but they get better.

 

I can't say I'm close to being over her, because I'm not. I am still hurt and I have to see her everyday which sometimes opens up certain wounds, but like I said I changed my mindset. I realized the girl that I fell for, the one who said all those things that made me believe in her, disappeared. I realized I deserved somebody better and I realized she lost out on somebody very good to her and somebody who would have never given up on her.

 

So do the same. Start doing things for you. Sometimes people have no idea what they want in life and decide to do things like breaking up in the worst way possible. But keep your mindset right and you will enjoy life and hopefully one day like I said, we find THAT person who shows us as much of the happiness as you show them.

 

We're all here for each other, I don't think anybody here is 100% healed and we help each other. Or at least it's what I've found on LS, I learn from people who "seem" to have a grasp on things yet I learn from those who broke up yesterday. It's interesting, but it's good. Part of life and part of what makes us stronger and better for the future and for THAT life we picture ourselves in.

[geronimo]

I feel you man, been 5 months for me and I'm still having days where I miss her and her company more than anything. It sucks to know that while I'm here hurting and missing her, she is out there with her new bf having the time of her life or w/e. I even tried dating and it just made me feel sh*tter cuz I'm just not over my ex and need to take the time to get over it before I can open up to someone else again. But i guess sh*t takes time. I just want to find that one girl that would be my ride or die, I am hopeful tho and I'm sure we'll both find that girl and will be so thankful that it didn't work out with our ex's. You seem to be doing good, keep on doing it and focus on yourself. Goodluck bro.

[ZiggyZoo]

It'll happen, guys. I never, ever thought I would get over the heartbreak of my ex-husband leaving me. I had to see him with his new girlfriend every time we exchanged our daughters, and it killed me. But time will do its thing, and you WILL get to the point where they don't mean anything to you. I remember going through this stage where I found myself letting go of my feelings for him, but I got past that too. I've mentioned it elsewhere on here, but I even felt badly for him when the chick he left me for left HIM for his brother. HIS BROTHER. Let me tell you, if I got to the point where my first response to hearing that was to think how much that must hurt instead of how glad I was to hear it, anyone can get over anything.

 

Hang in there. I'd say it took a full year before I was indifferent. Don't get discouraged, a lot of it was moving forward. Some setbacks, but it does take a while to get there.

[LooperDooper]

Guess this is more of an insight to how I'm dealing rather than a question. But I'm at a point where I've accepted the break up and realized she doesn't deserve me.

 

However, lately there is this desire I have that I didn't feel before that I want her to contact me again. Now I would not get back together with her (I'd say never, but I never say never) because I realized our relationship wasn't very stable nor was it very strong to keep it long-term. Yet part of me wants her to reach out.

 

I guess I'm confused as to why I want this, I mean I've accepted it and have slowly (minus the bad days) adopted the mindset that she was far from the woman I deserve and far from the person I want in my life. Now I'm just patiently getting over her completely to be ready to find the one.

 

Any thoughts? I don't know if it's a desire to be able to say no to her directly, but I think the way I've acted (NC and being genuinely happy) is enough to show her I don't need her. Also, I don't think she'll contact me because 1) she is very stubborn and has a big ego, and 2) she knows I'll send her packing and it will hurt her ego. Yet I keep thinking I want her to but don't really know why.

[erklat]

It's your ego seeking validation.

[sowhathuh]

It sounds like you want her to want you...& yes you'd like to reject her.

No Bueno. Stay strong....don't give it another thought. Good luck.

[TunaCat]

If you contact her and she responds, your ego is stroked.

 

That's why you want to contact her. You need an ego stroke.

[LooperDooper]

Damn gotta love LS and telling you how it is, here I am thinking I was better than that. Well it's one of those days I shouldn't be looking for her validation. Guess we just gotta keep at it and get those thoughts removed.

[LooperDooper]

For those who don't know I've been broken up for about 3 months, strict NC for about 2 months (tbh I lost count) and I have been feeling well. My ex is now with another guy, don't know (nor care) if it's serious or just a fwb kind of thing to help her with being alone. Anyways, I've always been more independent so I'm not afraid of loneliness, I think she's more insecure and needs somebody there. She tends to jump right into relationships fairly quickly or so I think.

 

I wouldn't get back together with her, but I have been thinking of her a lot and just wondering how her life is and if she truly is happy with herself. You think when they dump you they still think about you? Or are you just another number to them? Just genuinely curious, as I don't think she'll break NC nor will I.

[Tone Loc]

I doubt she's thinking about you at all. She's got her own life now, she's moved on and found somebody else and you need to do the same. She dumped you so she could be with someone else, clearly she's moved on. Let go of the memories and try to stop thinking about her. It may not be possible to get her out of your mind in an instant, this takes time but you'll get there I'm sure.

 

I know for a fact my ex isn't thinking about me, she hasn't contacted me in a long time and I'm relieved she's finally chosen to respect NC, I'm very happy about that. Found out she was cheating on me with lots of men and she's planning on moving to live in a different city so she could be close to her ex to rekindle a relationship with him because she's always wanted him, even when we were together, she wanted him. So I know that she's not thinking about me, I'm just wishing and hoping that she won't break NC, I hope she'll stay out of my life for good. But even though I'm with two other girls at the moment and happy with my current situation, I still find myself thinking about her a lot, it's scary to think that she might attempt to reach out and contact me, that would be a big set back but I'm hoping I never hear from her again.

[darkbloom]

I do think they still think of you. There's no way to go from talking everyday and hanging out to just some dude you don't know in two months. New relationship or not. That doesn't change how she feels about you but it's comforting to know that you can't be forgotten that easy.

 

My ex and I used to text back and forth everyday for four years. You can bet he still sometimes thinks it's me texting him. And expecting it. Doesn't mean much though.

[sowhynot]

Alas, I fear not. And thinking they might is a road that leads to breaking NC - the thought of your ex. sitting all alone, miserable and sad. Maybe I should give her/him a quick call ????

 

NO !!!!!

 

The simple truth is, you probably don't enter they're thoughts as they're too engrosed with the new person you were ditched for.

 

 

 

Wow - that does sound bitter ... .. .

[dangerbang]

I was just thinking this myself. Our relationship was horrible, she was crazy and picked away at me for years. Her abuse led me to not caring and not doing what she wanted. I resented her. She eventually ended it recently and I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone else now.

So no, she's happier than she has been in a long time I think and I probably barely get a thought. However, she's so fickle and flawed as a person that this new phase wont last long and in 10 years time I would put my life on it that I'll be the happier more content person than that poisonous snake.

[darkbloom]

Alas, I fear not. And thinking they might is a road that leads to breaking NC - the thought of your ex. sitting all alone, miserable and sad. Maybe I should give her/him a quick call ????

 

NO !!!!!

 

The simple truth is, you probably don't enter they're thoughts as they're too engrosed with the new person you were ditched for.

 

 

 

Wow - that does sound bitter ... .. .

 

Thinking about them thinking about you will not cause you to break NC. Unless you want your heart stomped on again.

[Faded264]

Yes, I do think they still think about you.

 

I was once the dumper. He emailed me multiple times in a month, for nearly a year and a half after we broke up, trying to get me back/get closure. I knew our relationship was over, and him emailing me turned me off even more. But when everything calmed down, and my anger towards him faded, I would think of him kindly every so often. We still had a relationship at one point, whether it ended or not. He had my heart for some time, and it's impossible to just forget that.

 

Met up with him recently after nearly 4 years of being broken up. It was nice to see him. We're completely different people now, but it was nice to know he's doing well.

 

They think of you.

[DJOkawari]

I'm sure they think about you fairly often given that a lot of the recent past that made them who they currently are was influenced by you.

 

The thoughts don't originate from a perspective of them thinking of you though, they are thinking about themselves and their own life and you are tied to that.

[joseb]

As the 'dumper' I can say I think about my ex every day (it's been 3 months) but have been strictly no contact. I don't think about getting back, and I don't want to hear from her, but I do think of her. A little less each day and it's not emotional at this stage.

I do wonder how she is but I avoid finding out because I know this won't help me in the long run to move on properly.

[Seeker12]

Its a weird one, iv been out of my relationship wow, close to 7 months now, with 4 months in proper NC. Never thought id find anyone i like, and my ex was always on my mind. But recently i met someone who was just like wow to me, someone who makes my heart jump when i see her, and cripples my confident self to the point i cant even make a move to talk to her. Its weird because now, that girls always on my mind, how do i talk to her, when will i next see her etc etc, whereas my ex has kind of faded, shes still there somewhere and does pop up in my memories, but not as frequently.

Edited May 2, 2015 by Seeker12

[Jimmyjackson]

They will think about you sure, whether it's once a week, a month or a year. At some point you'll either randomly pop into their mind for a minute or they'll see something that'll make them think of you. Whether it's positive or negative depends on the nature of the break up and what happened after it.

 

I wouldn't dwell on this too much though as it's impossible to answer,

Nobody here can tell you whether your ex is thinking of you or not...best to just not fixate on it.

[OK_computer]

They will always think of you at some point or another in their life, but it ultimately means nothing. A fleeting thought.

[fardaxel]

For those who don't know I've been broken up for about 3 months, strict NC for about 2 months (tbh I lost count) and I have been feeling well. My ex is now with another guy, don't know (nor care) if it's serious or just a fwb kind of thing to help her with being alone. Anyways, I've always been more independent so I'm not afraid of loneliness, I think she's more insecure and needs somebody there. She tends to jump right into relationships fairly quickly or so I think.

 

I wouldn't get back together with her, but I have been thinking of her a lot and just wondering how her life is and if she truly is happy with herself. You think when they dump you they still think about you? Or are you just another number to them? Just genuinely curious, as I don't think she'll break NC nor will I.

 

Unless she's suffering from amnesia, you never "forget" an ex, you just think about them less and less as time goes on.

[ravfour4]

I think they think of you unless they absolutely despise you and want to forget about you forever. If you're with someone for a long time, you helped form the person they are, especially if your relationship was good most of the time.

 

The thoughts don't mean much, it may be a fond memory of an ex, it may be a movie you watched together, it's just a memory that may make them smile or may just be neutral. Or it may make them angry, but then they probably still care After I met my ex after my ex-ex, I never thought about my ex-ex again, until me and my ex broke up and then all the memories came back.

[organizedchaos]

Unless some people here are mind readers, no one can definitively say they know their ex isn't thinking about them. Maybe not everyday, but if it was a meaningful relationship and didn't end in a ball of flames, I'm sure you cross their mind.

 

But why should you care? It means nothing.