Phoenician Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 YES I used to be one , u can't be a sensitive guy and win hearts ...
Haydn Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 YES I used to be one , u can't be a sensitive guy and win hearts ... You can be anything you want and win hearts (Mostly anything) Like many posters have pointed out. Everyone is different. 1
elaine567 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 There is adult sensitive and childlike sensitivity. Adult sensitivity means crying when his dog or his father dies or other sad stuff happens. It means he looks out for little kids and people in trouble. It means he understands emotions and is respectful to other people. Childlike sensitivity is more egocentric, he cries when he doesn't get his own way, when things are not going well FOR HIM. He dismisses or is disrespectful to the plight of others. He may even fake sensitivity, if he thinks it will be advantageous to himself. He may overreact or be caught up in a spiral of self pity. Adult sensitivity - very appealing and attractive. Childlike sensitivity - er...no.
ascendotum Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I like a man who's a little rough around the edge on the outside, but a softie on the inside -- meaning sensitive to others and the world around him. Bruce Willis comes to mind - tough guy on the outside but TOTAL softie on the inside. Same with Sly Stallone. Total tough guy....but a softie inside. I love that combo of tough guy/sensitive guy. Hearing conversations from women over the years this ^ is what most women seem to want. The rugged blokey macho guy who is a sweetie pie at home not all the time, but at the right times. The more masculine the guy is the more sensitive he can be and it wont hurt her attraction as he has plenty of macho character to spare and the contrast will actually turn her onto an extent. A burly lumberjack dude will cry watching Old Yeller and his gf will go 'aaawww', but if a skinny introverted bit of a geek moped riding hipster accountant boyfriend cried watching Old Yeller she will more likely make the 'eewww' sound in her head.
elaine567 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 A burly lumberjack dude will cry watching Old Yeller and his gf will go 'aaawww', but if a skinny introverted bit of a geek moped riding hipster accountant boyfriend cried watching Old Yeller she will more likely make the 'eewww' sound in her head. Unemotional "hard" men can be difficult to love, so if he shows some emotion, somewhere, be it his grandma dying or some tearjerker film or over little kids starving in Africa, then that can signal to a women, he is actually worth loving.
GorillaTheater Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's all about balance. I'm pretty rough around the edges, but I can't get through that scene in A Knight's Tale (which the kids love to watch), where the father is reunited with his son after a decade or so, without choking up a little. My wife loves that about me, even though she gives me a hard time about it. 5
No Limit Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I don't mind it as long as it isn't faked. There was a guy who once tried to woo me but conversation never developed beyond how much he drank last night; one time he tried the "You know I'm really into poetry and stuff like that"... yeah, right. A friend of mine however seemed to have taken an example of my big changing when I got into their class. He started looking for hobbies and it wasn't long before he was head over heels for photography. Bought himself an expensive Canon camera and happily shared his photos, many of them hanging on a wall in his room. He also knows everything about cameras now and borrowed my tablet for a while to get into photoshop (which he mastered as well). It's awesome to see someone dedicated to his passions. As for crying, let it all out - although not all the time (crying for no good reason in public would be a dealbreaker I admit).
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's all about balance. I'm pretty rough around the edges, but I can't get through that scene in A Knight's Tale (which the kids love to watch), where the father is reunited with his son after a decade or so, without choking up a little. My wife loves that about me, even though she gives me a hard time about it. Did you read my earlier post? You're my kind of man! My bf is the same. Tough biker guy on the outside, but a total softie on the inside. Sensitive guy does NOT automatically = beta guy. Hardly! In fact, at least IMO, true alpha guys DO have deep feelings and are not afraid to express them. I think people confuse being "alpha" with being "macho" -- two entirely different things. Alpha = strong, sensitive, confident Macho = pretending to be strong and confident but are actually weak, lack confidence and selfish, insensitive to others. 2
BlueIris Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Like everything, it’s a matter of degree. And the extreme version is intolerable, to me at least. I dated a few guys over the years who were hyper-“sensitive” guys- the ruminators, navel-pickers, deep-talk addicts- who wanted to have these hours-long discussions about us and love and our relationship and the tragedies of their pasts… and so help me I thought I was go nuts. Can’t do it. THAT version of the sensitive guy, or sensitive woman, drives me batty. Talk all you wish, but dang! the groceries still need to be bought and the toilet needs fixing, and can we at least sometimes watch the game or go golfing or laugh our butts off at a stupid movie? I’m gender neutral on this one. Both men and women who do this in the extreme make me crazy and bore me to death. Oh, and I’ve noticed that the hyper-sensitives of either gender tend to also be emotionally brittle and mean as snakes. My BF on the other hand, is an excellent balance.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I don't think it's any different than an overly sensitive woman. How many men want to date a woman who cries over everything, who gets offended easily, who is constantly in an emotional state? No one. The same goes with women dating sensitive men. Sensitivity is wonderful and important regardless if you're a woman or a man but what's most important is having a good balance.
Jonp219 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 What exactly constitutes as 'sensitive'? Based on the vibe that I'm getting from these responses it sounds like I need to become a robot. Rarely do I ever cry, but I consider myself a vulnerable guy. I like giving my significant other a basis for connectedness so i can get a sense of whats going through her mind. But at the same time, I try to remain her stone if she's feeling is an overwhelming sense of pain, that she can only express through me.
Author SearchingForMyself Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 Hearing conversations from women over the years this ^ is what most women seem to want. The rugged blokey macho guy who is a sweetie pie at home not all the time, but at the right times. The more masculine the guy is the more sensitive he can be and it wont hurt her attraction as he has plenty of macho character to spare and the contrast will actually turn her onto an extent. A burly lumberjack dude will cry watching Old Yeller and his gf will go 'aaawww', but if a skinny introverted bit of a geek moped riding hipster accountant boyfriend cried watching Old Yeller she will more likely make the 'eewww' sound in her head. I'm a skinny introverted geek who watches musicals...and I'm completely straight. I'm also black and in Alabama. Home of the most popular college team in history. Wanna get women in Alabama? Be really good at football.
davidromero43 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Anyway, is sensitivity a turn off to most women? Women want you to be sensitive about their feelings. They hate for you to express your feelings. When men express their feelings, it is like chumming the bay, they will turn into a shark and rip your feelings apart.
DivorcedDad123 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I'm also black and in Alabama 'Sup my neighbor? Roll Tide!
Author SearchingForMyself Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 I'm also black and in Alabama 'Sup my neighbor? Roll Tide! Football isn't my thing. But our team destroys everyone. Roll Tide! Its hard to find a woman who wants to date me because I'm an individual who happens to be black, not because I'm a black guy with the expected stereotypes. Sensitivity is a niche preference, some women love it, most don't. Just the way it is!
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It's all about balance. I'm pretty rough around the edges, but I can't get through that scene in A Knight's Tale (which the kids love to watch), where the father is reunited with his son after a decade or so, without choking up a little. My wife loves that about me, even though she gives me a hard time about it. One the reasons my friend cited for divorcing her husband was that every time he'd spare a tear over a film (there was one in particular scene in a film that got him going, can't remember which one) she lost a little respect for him. And he was totally rough around the edges in all other areas (and totally good looking to boot). Works for some...
GorillaTheater Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 One the reasons my friend cited for divorcing her husband was that every time he'd spare a tear over a film (there was one in particular scene in a film that got him going, can't remember which one) she lost a little respect for him. And he was totally rough around the edges in all other areas (and totally good looking to boot). Works for some... Well, I hope your friend had better reasons than that to divorce her husband, because that one kind of sucks. Without something a little more compelling, I'd say her ex husband's probably better off. 1
Author SearchingForMyself Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 One the reasons my friend cited for divorcing her husband was that every time he'd spare a tear over a film (there was one in particular scene in a film that got him going, can't remember which one) she lost a little respect for him. And he was totally rough around the edges in all other areas (and totally good looking to boot). Works for some... Wow....blows. 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Well, I hope your friend had better reasons than that to divorce her husband, because that one kind of sucks. Without something a little more compelling, I'd say her ex husband's probably better off. You could be right, there... Made me see her in a different light, TBH.
jen1447 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I kind of like artistically sensitive guys. Like a guy who could write a song that would make me cry is really attractive. I don't need he-men - I've got big enough balls myself to cover that - but basic self respect is a must. 1
GravityMan Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 1) Depends on the woman. (Likewise for almost all other personality and character traits.) 2) Depends on the type of sensitivity, how it's displayed, when it's displayed, where it's shown. I mean...there's "whiny" sensitive, "easily succumbs to pain" sensitive, "gets too defensive and can't take a joke" sensitive, "sheds a tear during a sad movie" sensitive, and so on. It just depends. I think many people just prefer a fairly well-rounded and positive/fun person, emotionally and behaviorally. (And perhaps in other ways as well.) Someone that shows their softer or more vulnerable/sensitive side at the "right" times, that shows their humorous side at appropriate moments, that shows their serious side at the right times and shows their tough, "keep quiet and get sh*t done" side when appropriate. And doesn't overdo it in any of those ways. Life is dynamic, varied and full of unexpected curveballs. Also, the words "right" and "appropriate" in this context are a bit subjective. For instance, one woman's idea of "right" could be the next woman's "meh". Most guys who respect themselves, are comfortable in their own skin, have been reasonably well-socialized, and have had varied life experiences (both good and bad) while growing up will probably meet the "well-rounded" criteria. I think the OP will be better off dating-wise if he would just stop worrying so much about this stuff, and relax and just be himself while interacting with women. 3
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