Seeing beautful women around you--Frustrating...

May 22, 2015

Ok, can you take a little constructive criticism that will help (first small step). I applaud you also for answering these questions and given the context in which you answered them (in a hurt state and frustrated with dating) I will allow you a little leeway. However, do you think you can answer them with less of a defeatist or pessimistic attitude? I'm not saying it to be mean at all so forgive me. But if you want to know one big reason why you are having trouble attracting women, this is it. A few of the questions when you just actually answered factually even if the content was somewhat negative were not terrible answers. That's just honesty and necessary in this context.

I bolded the 3 areas where even a factual or positive answer comes off as depressive and hopeless (hobbies, sports, girl friends--you negated everything you said about your life in those areas rather than speak positively, be proud or enthusiastic or present them with passion). Sorry, really I am. I am just wondering if you speak like this all the time. I know guys like that and trying to prevent some of the same trauma they go through which mirrors your current. I think if you can really be cognizant and work on this part, life will be much better. It will probably feel better and in turn your results will be better. I think the fact that you want to make changes is great and pointing out these things is only meant to help not tear you down. Switch your thinking. These were concrete examples I saw. Good luck

I see what you mean, and yes I do tend to talk like this very often. I'm not too excited about my own life so how can I expect a woman to be excited about me? Makes perfect sense. I've never been the enthusiastic type but it's like someone else said, "You got to fake it till you make it". I couldn't really elaborate more on the parts you highlighted, there really wasn't much to say, but I understand what you mean. Even if someone is doing something 'boring' with their life, they should be able to describe it with more enthusiasm if they're truly excited about what they do. Thank you for the tip.

May 22, 2015

I see what you mean, and yes I do tend to talk like this very often. I'm not too excited about my own life so how can I expect a woman to be excited about me? Makes perfect sense. I've never been the enthusiastic type but it's like someone else said, "You got to fake it till you make it". I couldn't really elaborate more on the parts you highlighted, there really wasn't much to say, but I understand what you mean. Even if someone is doing something 'boring' with their life, they should be able to describe it with more enthusiasm if they're truly excited about what they do. Thank you for the tip.

Glad it made sense and was well received. One of the best dating/life tips I have ever heard is: in order to attract the best person, you have to be your best self. It was better worded than that but hopefully you get the picture. You have to be putting effort into all the areas where you expect that your ideal mate will have good qualities in order to get that. I think, to take it a step further, that you don't have to be the "final product" in these areas but if you are engaged and positive about being your best self that in itself is what is attractive. Like someone who wants a fit girlfriend, shouldn't be a couch potato and expect that. Someone who wants someone who is driven and ambitious should be so themselves. For example, if you are in a slump, you would not really like what gf you have the powers to obtain in this state. Improve your state (or being in a constant state of self-improvement) will give you what gf you deserve. It will change your outlook too. You will see things differently in terms of what you perceive as rejection and your confidence level. I think when someone isn't really giving their all, subconsciously they know they don't deserve to do better than they are doing and it spirals downward from there. I think recognizing and pinpointing are the first steps. I'm sure you can change your dating life.

May 22, 2015

You don't know what else to do regarding hobbies. You need something that helps define you. Learn guitar, a foreign language, painting.

You can also get involved in volunteering. Volunteering is dominated by women and it shows you are caring. It's a total win/win. You could volunteer at a hospital, seniors living community, or an animal shelter.

This year I'm looking into a Children's Hospital dance fundraiser. It pays for children's medical expenses. Check this out, they do it all over the country. Think how WIN this is. It's a dance event with a college, meaning college girls everywhere. Being part of organizing shows major man qualities. You'll learn practical skills in organizing, communication, and fundraising. It's helping KIDS which will melt every girl you talk to. You'll even end up networking which could lead to advances in your career.

You know, this a really good idea!

I'm definitely going to look for into this, thanks!

May 22, 2015

When my BF had a disastrous breakup w/his previous GF a few years back, he became an electronic music composer and wrote, composed, produced and recorded an entire album about it. I'm really proud of him for that. (EM is no breeze to do well but it might be easier than learning to play guitar to a satisfying standard.)

I agree that committing yourself to something major like that can be helpful and therapeutic.

May 22, 2015

You're mistaken if you assume that insecure and low self esteem automatically means a shy guy with little experience. Those are quite commonly traits of abuser/controller types. They generally abuse and control because they're insecure, and their outward show of ego and aggressiveness is actually a compensation tactic for low self esteem.

I second this notion.

I was rather controlling in my previous relationship and it was mostly due to my fear of abandonment. I was so scared that if she would talk to other guys that it would make her realize how insignificant I was. That's why I went back to therapy, I want to try to alleviate these insecurities that have been plaguing me my entire life. I guess I have to learn that no matter where you are in your life people will always leave you. You don't know when and you don't know how.

They just will...

May 23, 2015

When my BF had a disastrous breakup w/his previous GF a few years back, he became an electronic music composer and wrote, composed, produced and recorded an entire album about it. I'm really proud of him for that. (EM is no breeze to do well but it might be easier than learning to play guitar to a satisfying standard.)

I agree that committing yourself to something major like that can be helpful and therapeutic.

I use to make hip-hop instrumentals, write lyrics, produce song, and mix the tracks when I was 17. It's not easy to do all that let alone make a whole album by yourself. You know what? You just gave me an idea. Thanks

May 23, 2015

Again, work on yourself FIRST and then women will follow.

But you hedged your entire existence on being with someone, so you are putting all of this unnecessary pressure on yourself... because you don't know who you are on your own.

It wasn't until I stopped TRYING with women and started TRYING on myself that I started being successful. You are young, get life experience... everything else will follow after.

May 23, 2015

Again, work on yourself FIRST and then women will follow.
But you hedged your entire existence on being with someone, so you are putting all of this unnecessary pressure on yourself... because you don't know who you are on your own.

It wasn't until I stopped TRYING with women and started TRYING on myself that I started being successful. You are young, get life experience... everything else will follow after.

I suppose that is my only option at the moment. It's the same thing my friends and everyone in here have been telling me. I'm just so caught up thinking about the worst that my perception fogs my judgment. I'm scared of ending up with ****ty prospects, women who don't share the same values I share. I've come to believe that women of that nature are rarity in this day and age.

May 23, 2015

I would suggest stop worrying about landing a girlfriend and focus on just chatting up women. No expectations. Make a fool of yourself.

I live in NY, too. Yes, everywhere is eye candy. And everywhere people seem so apart and in their own element.

Look for humor around you. Try to engage the people around you in that humor. It doesn't have to be monumental. And accept that it can always go a multitude of ways.

Look, see NYC for what it really is---a bunch of educated people from podunk towns across the US or abroad pretending to have been raised on monkfish and haricot vert paying way too much money to rent closets populated by Crate & Barrel furnishings who divide time between their tyrannical employers, hollowcore door mirror and iPhone app.

Yeah, they look good. Yeah, they speak well. Yeah, they own nice things. And yeah, they can segue from the latest Dirty Projectors offering to geopolitical developments somehow tying it in to their recent jaunt to Milan, but deep down they're all a bunch of lonely, vain, pretenders.:laugh:

May 23, 2015

Again, work on yourself FIRST and then women will follow.
But you hedged your entire existence on being with someone, so you are putting all of this unnecessary pressure on yourself... because you don't know who you are on your own.

It wasn't until I stopped TRYING with women and started TRYING on myself that I started being successful. You are young, get life experience... everything else will follow after.

It still doesn't make sense to me whenever people say work on yourself, are comfortable and content, the women will come, because as a guy, you can't hold your breath for women to approach you first, ask you out first, yes it does happen sometimes but it is very rare

May 23, 2015

It still doesn't make sense to me whenever people say work on yourself, are comfortable and content, the women will come, because as a guy, you can't hold your breath for women to approach you first, ask you out first, yes it does happen sometimes but it is very rare

I think he means that it's much easier to attract women when you have your life together as opposed to not having anything to fall back on.

May 23, 2015

I would suggest stop worrying about landing a girlfriend and focus on just chatting up women. No expectations. Make a fool of yourself.

I live in NY, too. Yes, everywhere is eye candy. And everywhere people seem so apart and in their own element.

Look for humor around you. Try to engage the people around you in that humor. It doesn't have to be monumental. And accept that it can always go a multitude of ways.

Look, see NYC for what it really is---a bunch of educated people from podunk towns across the US or abroad pretending to have been raised on monkfish and haricot vert paying way too much money to rent closets populated by Crate & Barrel furnishings who divide time between their tyrannical employers, hollowcore door mirror and iPhone app.

Yeah, they look good. Yeah, they speak well. Yeah, they own nice things. And yeah, they can segue from the latest Dirty Projectors offering to geopolitical developments somehow tying it in to their recent jaunt to Milan, but deep down they're all a bunch of lonely, vain, pretenders.:laugh:

That's so depressing

But yeah, that's New York in a nutshell.

May 23, 2015

I think he means that it's much easier to attract women when you have your life together as opposed to not having anything to fall back on.

Yes but just because a guy has his life together, sure, obviously that is extremely attractive to women but just because a woman is attracted to a man does not mean she is going to literally throw herself at him

May 23, 2015

Yes but just because a guy has his life together, sure, obviously that is extremely attractive to women but just because a woman is attracted to a man does not mean she is going to literally throw herself at him

Yes of course she's not going to throw herself at you. Maybe some of them will, but I don't think those are the type of women you would want as girlfriends. Working on yourself helps you learn about your capabilities as a functioning member of society. Becoming a better you raises status and women will see this when they meet you. However, that doesn't mean you have to be a rich millionaire tycoon who works on Wall Street. Some of the most charismatic people I've ever met were regular people working 9-5 jobs. My friends dad is a good example. He can strike up a convo with ANY individual whether it be a man, woman, child it doesn't matter he's very open minded. He works maintenance at an office building and he even meets some women on his job. He's very confident and loving towards his family and others and that sort of energy makes others gravitate towards him.

Getting yourself together is for YOU. And after that, everything else will follow. Even when you're in a relationship you can't focus on her all the time. You need to have a life of your own, that way you and your girl have something to talk about.

May 23, 2015

I would get frustrated if there were not beautiful women around...so failing to see where the problem is. Honestly I'm shocked the entire leggings for pants thing took off.

May 23, 2015

I would get frustrated if there were not beautiful women around...so failing to see where the problem is. Honestly I'm shocked the entire leggings for pants thing took off.

The frustration is more about me not being able to interact with them rather than seeing them. I just feel like a total bitch around beautiful women. It's been so long, I'm 3 months removed from a 4 year relationship, it's hard.

Oh and i'm actually kind of glad that whole leggings thing took off

May 23, 2015

I suppose that is my only option at the moment. It's the same thing my friends and everyone in here have been telling me. I'm just so caught up thinking about the worst that my perception fogs my judgment. I'm scared of ending up with ****ty prospects, women who don't share the same values I share. I've come to believe that women of that nature are rarity in this day and age.

This is very new agey of me to say but you have to start thinking in terms of abundance and that your hard work and good things about you will bring you what you deserve. If you believe there is "nothing" in terms of unique women who appeal to you, you will likely find nothing. You're smart I can see that in your posts. A few simple internal shifts will solve your problems.

May 23, 2015

I would suggest stop worrying about landing a girlfriend and focus on just chatting up women. No expectations. Make a fool of yourself.

I live in NY, too. Yes, everywhere is eye candy. And everywhere people seem so apart and in their own element.

Look for humor around you. Try to engage the people around you in that humor. It doesn't have to be monumental. And accept that it can always go a multitude of ways.

Look, see NYC for what it really is---a bunch of educated people from podunk towns across the US or abroad pretending to have been raised on monkfish and haricot vert paying way too much money to rent closets populated by Crate & Barrel furnishings who divide time between their tyrannical employers, hollowcore door mirror and iPhone app.

Yeah, they look good. Yeah, they speak well. Yeah, they own nice things. And yeah, they can segue from the latest Dirty Projectors offering to geopolitical developments somehow tying it in to their recent jaunt to Milan, but deep down they're all a bunch of lonely, vain, pretenders.:laugh:

Well I agree with your solution, even though not your assessment of NYC.

May 23, 2015

Hi I'm ______, I've never seen that pattern of leggings before.....where did you get them?

May 23, 2015

It still doesn't make sense to me whenever people say work on yourself, are comfortable and content, the women will come, because as a guy, you can't hold your breath for women to approach you first, ask you out first, yes it does happen sometimes but it is very rare

I think most of us mean "success with women will follow". If you are pinning all your hopes even at your best for a woman to approach you, you are going about it wrong. Be proactive, go after what you want--when you are in the right headspace and have something to offer these women. A lot of women still operate under pretty traditional guidelines--guys pursue them and they respond positively if interested. Best way to exhibit your manliness!!!

May 23, 2015

It still doesn't make sense to me whenever people say work on yourself, are comfortable and content, the women will come, because as a guy, you can't hold your breath for women to approach you first, ask you out first, yes it does happen sometimes but it is very rare

They aren't talking about the initial moment of meeting a chick.

They are talking about her sticking around a bit.

May 23, 2015

This is very new agey of me to say but you have to start thinking in terms of abundance and that your hard work and good things about you will bring you what you deserve. If you believe there is "nothing" in terms of unique women who appeal to you, you will likely find nothing. You're smart I can see that in your posts. A few simple internal shifts will solve your problems.

Funny thing is my ex wasn't even that special to be honest.

I guess her devotion is what really made me fall in love with her. You just can't find devotion like that anymore, everyone wants to sleep with the next comment or like on Instagram.

I constantly hear on this site from the older crowd that devotion isn't really that hard to find. I vehemently disagree with that assessment.

May 23, 2015

Well I agree with your solution, even though not your assessment of NYC.

Have you been to NYC? I thought his assessment was spot on!

May 23, 2015

I think most of us mean "success with women will follow". If you are pinning all your hopes even at your best for a woman to approach you, you are going about it wrong. Be proactive, go after what you want--when you are in the right headspace and have something to offer these women. A lot of women still operate under pretty traditional guidelines--guys pursue them and they respond positively if interested. Best way to exhibit your manliness!!!

ya but how do you be proactive and avoid coming across as needy or desperate at the same time, but still, why is it masculine to go after what you want?

May 23, 2015

ya but how do you be proactive and avoid coming across as needy or desperate at the same time, but still, why is it masculine to go after what you want?

Proactively perusing

Flirting/Banter
Asking open ended questions
Good eye contact (don't stare)
Being friendly/calm

Clingy/Desperate

Agreeing to everything she says
Trying too hard to impress her
Laughing too hard at her joke
Calling/text her hours after getting the number (IF you get it)

Just don't be so eager to be in her presence. Remember you're getting to know the girl don't give her the impression that's special off the bat, you barely know her. If you talk to her like she's a normal human being you're already three steps ahead of the game. Most guys put girls on the pedestal the moment they see her. You think you're the first to tell that girl she's beautiful? Please, she heard that **** 30 times that day. She's not interested in superficial lust, she wants someone who is interested in what she's about!

Edited May 23, 2015 by Jonp219

Sign In

Seeing beautful women around you--Frustrating...

Recommended Posts

Jonp219

Versacehottie

Jonp219

jen1447

Jonp219

Jonp219

Diezel

Jonp219

SycamoreCircle

BronzeAgeJaeger217

Jonp219

Jonp219

BronzeAgeJaeger217

Jonp219

Vercetti

Jonp219

Versacehottie

Versacehottie

Vercetti

Versacehottie

loveweary11

Jonp219

Jonp219

BronzeAgeJaeger217

Jonp219

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...