z1x2606 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 First, let me start off by letting you know that I am a 20 year old man who had never been in love before. I have very low self esteem and have a lot of trouble talking to girls. I met the perfect girl!! We really hit it off. It was as if we had known each other for our entire lives. I felt that I could be myself around her (which I've only ever been able to do with my family and very close friends). We fell in love pretty quickly and I lost my virginity to her. My virginity was something very important to me. I had waited until I fell in love and decided that I wanted to give it to her. We are both Christians and discussed that early on in our relationship. She told me that she had been with 2 other guys that she "thought" that she loved. She also told me that she had experimented with some drugs in high school (nothing major; mostly pot). I've never done any type of drugs and don't ever plan on it. However, I was glad that she was open and honest with me about the mistakes she had made in the past. Everything was going great...she constantly told me how perfect I was and how she'd never been happier. The past few weeks...something changed. She didn't look at me the same way, she never wanted to hang out and when we did...she didn't want to even kiss me. I tend to be an overthinker (probably doesn't help that I have self esteem issues already)...but I KNEW something wasn't right. I asked her to sit down with me an talk about what exactly was going on. She then told me that she regretted ever being with me in the sexual nature. She told me that she thought it was a terrible sin an that she didn't think that showing any kind of affection was acceptable by God. When she was saying this..it was like she was a different person. She was almost robotic and stone faced. It broke my heart and I had saved my virginity for the perfect one...which I thought was her and now she's telling me that she regretted it. I know for a fact that her friends are pretty wild. I went to a party with her not too long ago and there was drinking, smoking of pot, AND cocaine use going on. She swore to me that she had only ever smoked pot and hadn't done anything harder than that. If she doesn't want to be with me because of God...then why is she still hanging out with the friends who are doing drugs, etc? None of this makes sense. She has now said that she still loves me but wants us to take "a break". I have no idea what this means. I hate for this to sound bad but I can't imagine dating her now and her being a different person. If no sex is involved...I respect that. However, she seriously acts like she's doing drugs or has joined some kind of cult. It's crazy!!! I have no idea what to do from here and appreciate any of your feedback. Thank you in advance.
NC-Thomas Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 First of all welcome to LS and sorry for your situation. I have a couple of thoughts I want to share with you. 1. First love is always the hardest to overcome. But you will get over it in time. 2. You are still 20, therefore, how can you know she is the perfect one? She was a suitable match for you, however, there are a billion woman you can have that amazing connection with. 3. She is still discovering herself, meaning she is surely about to change her behaviour, preferences and goals in life, just like you. Only when we get older (for example in your late twenties), we truly know what we want. She broke up because she is still fluctuating and searching herself. In this generation there are very few people that meet at the age of 20 and be together forever. The fact that you lost your virginity to her doesn't mean you would stay with her forever, you need to get that thought out of your head. The world doesn't work that way. Finally you should not contact her anymore. PS: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com/ 1
PegNosePete Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 wants us to take "a break". I have no idea what this means. A "break" is a coward's way of saying "break up". Sorry to say it's over dude. Chances are very high that she cheated on you. Her reasons for breaking up sound quite scripted, and designed to make her seem like her poo don't stink. Combined with her wild friends, going to drug parties, etc... it doesn't look good. You need to NC her and move on with your life.
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 You accept that she has changed her mind about having a relationship with you. Sorry. You also realize that her abrupt about face -- calling sex with you a sin after she was with others & did drugs & hangs out with a wild bunch -- is a BS excuse. She probably thinks telling you that will make it easier for you to accept her departure from your life. I don't say this often but here I would suspect that she has already found another guy. Again I'm sorry. Since you are a Christian pray for acceptance & wisdom. Trust that God will help you find a mate but you can help yourself by being active in your community. Have faith that if you found 1 GF you can find another. Do not wait for her. Good luck. 1
coryreply Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I'm sorry you're going through this, bro. The first break up hurts. I still remember mine like it was yesterday. The good news is, you will find someone else, someone better. Keep your head up. Don't let this destroy the confidence you've found. 1
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