One heated night with my friend

[amkxoxo]

So I need some help. I need a solid outside opinion on my situation. So a guy friend and I have been getting closer and closer. We joke around and talk almost everyday. We take walks together and its just a friendship to me. I only want to be his friend. We respect each other, and surprisingly we don't have a lot in common but we have so much fun talking. I don't like him at all in a romantic way. I have mentioned an ex boyfriend I am still thinking about occasionally to him.

 

The other night he and I went to a party together with some friends. We had a great time. We drank a bit of alcohol and he drove me home. He came upstairs to my place and we were watching a movie. We have done this before and its been no big deal. We were talking and joking around and watching the movie. The night progressed on and before we knew it joking turned into light touching and then holding hands and then kissing. We ended up making out in my bed. We would make out and then we would talk for a while and then make out some more.

 

I still didn't have feelings for him. I still don't. I told him so. He told me he liked me, but he didn't think we would ever be good together in a relationship. We made things clear. But the situation was so unclear at the same time. I made it clear I didn't like him at all and even told him I had feelings for other people, old flames of mine. He said he didn't care and it wasn't serious for him either.

 

Some clothes came off and I also told him I wouldn't have sex with him. He said I was a nice girl and he didn't expect me to. He said he was fine with not having sex and just kissing and stuff.

 

More clothes came off and he and I were pretty much almost naked. We kissed a lot and made out and touched each other a lot. He was so nice to me, and I trusted him since we had become good friends. This lasted practically all night.

 

We talked about maybe doing this casually, no sex, unless either of us found people we wanted to be with officially and then we would stop. We talked about never doing it again. Our situation was in limbo. He said it could be a one night thing, or we could casually make out some times since we were both single.

 

I was raised very conservatively. I'm a virgin, not a nun, but a nice girl. I don't take guys home and let them sleep with me. But I have had a few guys that I have dated that I have done some stuff with. I'm 23, hormonal, and curious.

 

Waking up the next day he and I talked a bit and it was kind of awkward. We have been texting since like normal with some joking around. Some really light flirting, but nothing serious. I told him I was unsure if I wanted anything to happen again. He said that was fine, and our regular friendship could persist like usual. I told him I was unsure. I am unsure. He isn't my type at all. I feel like a slut. I feel like he and others are judging me or will judge me. I don't want to seem like some easy girl that is okay with casually being available to my guy friends. I don't want future boyfriends to judge me, if I tell them I fooled around with a guy friend. I feel dirty, letting someone I wasn't dating or going to be in a relationship with touch me and see me pretty much naked. Maybe I shouldn't have let it get far. I went with it willingly.

 

But then my rational side keeps telling me that what I did was fine. I have girl friends who lost their virginity when they were 16 and have been sleeping with men since. I didn't even do that. I'm still a virgin and don't plan on having sex anytime soon. I consider myself a nice, sweet girl. People know me as that, and I feel like if they knew what I did with my friend, they would think I was a slut or no nice and cute anymore. Even if I had sex with my friend, I am 23 and smart enough to make that decision. I feel ashamed. I feel like as much and he and I are still friends after this, we might not always be because this situation might catch up to us. I'm terrified. I don't want to be with him, but I don't know if I might want to do physical stuff with him again. I feel like its a bad idea, but I liked what we did. I'm so confused. What if we do it again? Is it reasonable to do it again? I don't know what to think. I saw him last night. We hung out and talked. We didn't sit near each other or anything else that would be crossing the friend threshold.

 

Any advice, opinions?

[Diezel]

Stop leading him on.

 

If you don't want to be with him, then stop putting yourself in these positions with him.

[PogoStick]

You need to decide exactly what you want with him and communicate it very clearly. There is no shame to enjoy a casual sexual relationship. The problem is your indecision, going back and forth.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well I wouldn't compare yourself to other women in 2015, you're way way way past them in any kind of "slut" testing.

 

What you did was normal, in the sense that when people go through life, mixed emotions and just changes of the wind in relationships and such...they do what is known as "rebounding", you see a comfort from the easiest and nearest target...someone you can feel safe with and trust, as it's convenient to be vulnerable with them.

 

I think however you made a very wrong move in taking it to a physical point with this guy, not because another guy wouldn't take it that far with a girl he didn't like or even sleep with her...that would never keep a guy out of a woman's pants...but for you, this is a friendship and that should've been kept as so.

 

Well, at least it was a friendship to you...guys are not actual "friends", they have a romantic interest in you and would at the very least sleep with you, it's not like with you where you need to see some kind of promising future or what not and you have these categories of who goes where in your life...doesn't work like that for men, he doesn't care, he's just glad to have finally made out with you and almost seen you naked because he's been waiting for that to happen for a long time.

 

Now, he's going to be patient...just like he has been all this time, acting like you're on the same level and this is all just a "coincidence" and "mistake"...he's going to go with whatever you say and decide, he doesn't want to scare you off and take a risk of you pulling away.

 

I'm not saying this is a bad guy or anything either necessarily, but he clearly likes you and is your friend because so...if he wasn't attracted to you, chances are he wouldn't spend so much time listening and talking to you, that's just not that guys do...it's not just because of your personal relationship, it's because he finds you attractive.

 

So for you this is just a mistake, for him this is just finally a positive turn of events where he almost had sex with you, which would've been a huge win for him.

 

I think if you still want him around, just go back to pretending you are "friends" and keep it platonic...but just remember, any of your guy "friends" would do this with you, and if they are spending a lot of their time, effort and concern, then they want to sleep with you...men won't do that just because they think you're like this great person or friend, the motivation has to come from somewhere else too.