chillwaveguy Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) So there is this girl that I have been off and on with for 10 months and the relationship has been a roller coaster. If I had to be honest I treated her like ****. She was the first to confess her love for me and blah blah blah. Basically I did a good job taking advantage of her. Well when we recently got serious it was pretty intense with both of us telling each other we loved one another. Then I accused her of having feelings for another guy that she worked with...She let this slide once but the second and third time I accused her she broke down crying we got in a fight and told me she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore (she still denied having any feelings for anyone else). I tried reaching out to her the next day and she resisted so I let her be for 2 days and then I sent her an apology and she then sent me this.. "I really appreciate that you took the time to apologize to me Brandon. It means more than you know. I really hate that things had to end this way between us but it's just how it has to be right now. I don't think you're a monster at all.. But I think that your fear of getting hurt was ultimately our downfall... I would have never hurt you Brandon. A part of me was so happy when you said you loved me and be the right man for me, but it was horrible timing.. I wanted to spend my life with you, have your kids, come home to you everyday.. Then, I spent a week trying to fall out of love with you and it made me sick to my stomach how much I hated the thought of losing you. But then I picked myself up and reminded myself that love sucks sometimes and there's nothing I could do about it. A part of me will always love you Brandon, always. And I hope you never forget that you will always hold a space in my heart. If we're meant to be, we'll find a way back to eachother. But for now, we're just better off apart. I honestly wish nothing but the best for you..and I mean that." Is it all over? Did I truly take advantage of her one too many times? Were my assumptions right that she had feelings for someone else or was I being jealous over a long distance relationship? I haven't replied to her since! But she tweets things about the break up regularly. Things like "Your words mean nothing if your actions don't match up." "But sometimes love can't make you stay." "Good things have bad endings." "I treated you differently but the outcome was still the same." Do I still have a chance to fix this and get back with her if I play my cards right? Or is it all doomed? This girl I can honestly say thought the world of me just a few days before all this... Edited April 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merged from four duplicate topics as the story keeps changing.
Ruby65 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 She was the first to confess her love for me and blah blah blah. Based on the above, I would say your attitude toward her hasn't changed much. Let her go. She thought the world of YOU.... but it doesn't sound like you thought much about her, until she was gone. She deserves better. 2
Author chillwaveguy Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 But sometimes that's what it takes I guess...But you're right... 1
hollypolly Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 What a strong lady she is. She seems very mature and has handled all this so well. Let her go and she can be free to meet someone who deserves her. I think you were not ready for this relationship in any way. Dont toy with her just to make yourself feel better. Heal in your own way and move on Best of luck to you 1
PegNosePete Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Is it all over? Yes, when a woman says it's over, you should believe her. Whether there was someone else or not, or if it's your insecurities that caused her to dump you, is irrelevant. She doesn't want to try again. That's all that matters. Now you need to stop twitter stalking her, and move on. 1
elaine567 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You lost this one over acting like an fool by "treating her like ***t" and then acting like a jealous fool. Leave her be, and try and treat the next girl waayyy better. I think you self sabotaged this relationship to some degree, maybe ask yourself why you did that. 1
Satu Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You need to find a better way of relating to people. Try to learn from this experience.
Author chillwaveguy Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Thanks guys...It was hard for me to hear but thank you and I know.. 2
Author chillwaveguy Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I guess what it comes down to is a break down in communication. I have a ****ty way of expressing my love and my concerns by just getting mad and pissed off when something doesn't go my way. 1
devilish innocent Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Even if you got back together right now, it would go back to being a roller coaster. You need to work on changing yourself. Figure out what caused you to blow up at her- anger management issues, low self esteem, etc. Then work on changing those things to ensure it doesn't happen again. 1
Satu Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I guess what it comes down to is a break down in communication. I have a ****ty way of expressing my love and my concerns by just getting mad and pissed off when something doesn't go my way. That is something you can work on and improve. Maybe not with your ex, but in the future with someone else.
Author chillwaveguy Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Alright so my ex and I of 10 months broke up this past weekend and needless to say I do want her back. I stopped contacting her completely as of Saturday night and began the NC rule. Well last night Wednesday she blew my phone up with 6 texts saying she missed me and she shouldn't have said that then bye. I didn't respond until the morning I asked her if she was OK and we had a brief conversation that went like ... Me--"Are you okay" Her--"Yeah I'm okay. Sorry, I was just a little drunk last night" Her--"Thanks for asking though" Me--"No problem" Her--"how've you been?" Me--"Been busy you?" Her--"Same. Just workin all the time now" Me--"I see you've been thinking about me lately weirdo lol" Her--"Why do you think that? lol" Her--"Oh cause of my text last night? My bad :D" Me--"Yeah you were bein weird lol and cuz I just know" Her--"Well I was drunk.. And don't act like you haven't been thinkin about me lol.." (After about 10 minutes she came right back with) Her--"Anyways, sorry about that. I'll ttyl" (then I responded like 2 hours later) "Ehhh maybe just a little but alright cya" Did I say too much? Should I have been more casual? Did I make a huge mistake and hurt my chances of getting her back? A little additional info is she has been liking my photos and making tweets about me that are pretty deep.
TunaCat Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Yes you made a mistake. Why did you (eventually) answer her texts? By answering her texts you showed her that she still has you wrapped around her little finger. Who initiated the breakup? If it was her, then the only thing you should be responding to is "yes I made a mistake I want to get back together" If it was you, then you showed her that she's still on your mind and that's not fair to her. You need to go STRICT NC. Block her on all social media sites. You don't need to know what she's saying or feeling. 1
Author chillwaveguy Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Do you think I still have a shot getting her back?
Satu Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 If you want to move on, you made a mistake. If you don't want to move on, its debatable. If you want to do NC, do it properly. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. 1
Satu Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Do you think I still have a shot getting her back? The odds are always against that. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Do you think I still have a shot getting her back? Everything you texted was inane. It didn't help or hurt your chances. If you want to reconcile you have to communicate -- that means talk for real, preferably face to face. You can't make up over the phone & you really can't do it through text or on Twitter. Seriously? Twitter? No way. If you want her back, talk to her. Discuss what went wrong & how you will prevent it or other problems in the future. If you can't or won't do that for some game playing reason, there is no hope. 3
Author chillwaveguy Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 That was pretty real man... I guess you are right I just don't want to come off as needy or hurt my ego...
kismetkismet Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Honestly i think everyone's obsession with no contact on this site is misguided.. unless you are both immature and the whole breakup/relationship is about egos. I think you messed up, but not because you responded - because you were a jerk. I'm not saying you should have responded with heart felt "i miss you too!!"s but at least be KIND! If you want her back, give her space (but don't be a jerk, don't pretend you don't have feelings, just act like you need space) and then meet her face to face and talk about it. 1
Cinnamonstix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Honestly i think everyone's obsession with no contact on this site is misguided.. unless you are both immature and the whole breakup/relationship is about egos. I agree. Beating yourself up for breaking NC is more harmful than breaking NC itself. What I've learned is this: if you don't know what to do, do nothing. This usually means not responding. Bottom line: be genuine. If it's not in your nature to ignore someone, communicate that you need space. Be true to yourself and what you will and won't tolerate. 1
Author chillwaveguy Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Do you guys think if I said this it would be better? "No, sorry Alex that sounded stupid. If you're missing me just know I feel exactly the same way. But I don't think we should talk about it. Maybe with a little time it'll all come together but right now idk."
Cinnamonstix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I wouldn't apologize or send anything else at this time. If you do ever have contact again just be more real. This does not mean laying it all out there all the time though. Just because someone says they miss you does not mean you need to say it back, even if you feel it. I don't think exes really deserve access to our feelings anymore. It would be stupid, however, to deny we have any at all and say, "Well, I don't miss you." That's why, when you don't know what to do or say, do and say nothing!!
kismetkismet Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Yes that would be better i think.. To give yourselves some time to think about why you want to be together. Sometimes in the initial stages you want to simply because breaking up is so painful, even if it's not the right decision in the long run. Why did you break up?
ZiggyZoo Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Why are you doing NC? If it's to make her miss you and to get her back, then stop. Those manipulative games are childish and BS. If it's because you are trying to gain some space to look at what went wrong in the relationship, then you need to do it for real. Why are you looking at her Twitter and whatever, like you mentioned in your last thread? Why was she able to text you? That's not doing NC at all, if she's able to reach you. What has changed, that would make you think that reconciliation would work? You said that you dumped her because you weren't feeling it and you treated her sh*ttily. You also said you tend to get upset when things don't go your way. So what great revelation have you had that is going to somehow give you back feelings towards her and ensure that you'll treat her better? I for one am a big supporter of NC, because it serves a very great and necessary purpose. It helps you to focus on yourself and what you really want in the aftermath of a breakup. For you, you are feeling lonely. You're feeling the loss of someone who's been a part of your live for 10 months. But the reasons why you broke up are still there, they're just hiding underneath the shock and immediate "Holy sh*t" that comes right after any breakup. You really need to take some time and figure out IF you still want a relationship with her. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Do you guys think if I said this it would be better? "No, sorry Alex that sounded stupid. If you're missing me just know I feel exactly the same way. But I don't think we should talk about it. Maybe with a little time it'll all come together but right now idk." No that's still game playing. If you want her back, man up. Call her. Say let's get together to talk about what went wrong & see if there is anything worth saving. If you don't have the backbone to do that, all this waffling is will definitely send her into another man's arms. Step up or step off but stop dithering. Confidence is sexy. Having enough confidence to go after what you want is not groveling or weak. However, you have to take your shot & then leave if she says no or if one of you breaks the new promises. Chasing her around like a love-sick puppy does not help your cause but one conversation to try to fix things is not weak. If you don't her back, tell her that you are done & ask her to respect your need to heal. 1
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