anyone ever broken up with mr/ms never wrong?

[thekarmacist]

...and did they ever figure out they WERE wrong, apologized and made changes?

[KissofGrace]

...and did they ever figure out they WERE wrong, apologized and made changes?

 

still blames me for EVERYTHING, even when i caught him in a lie, with proof....DENIED it like a little bitch! never wrong....always right...not a single apology either. definitely NO CHANGES!

dont' waste your time or energy.

[carhill]

Well, bless her soul, my exW apologized for the first time in our M, when we were in MC, for ignoring me so much. That was a big step, albeit after the M was already long into the crapper.

 

OTOH, a marked complaint she had was that I apologized too much, like when making mistakes, being late, forgetting something, etc, etc. We missed badly on that aspect of married life.

 

She moved on to a man who apparently fit better, at least by my observation, so AFAIK no changes, no coming back and thank you god for that.

[thekarmacist]

yes, well, my mr. jerkface should've been an attorney. no matter what happens, he finds a way to argue it to HIS advantage.

 

i'm pissed, but not devastated as in the past, probably because i know i didn't eff things up.

 

i don't want to leave unfinished business as in the past, but since he never takes responsibility for anything he does wrong, i don't see the point. maybe i should do it for myself.

 

thoughts?

 

i need some mango gelato right now.

[thekarmacist]

maybe i should let him know how i feel in an email.

[aloneinaz]

YES! The regulars are probably sick of the story but here goes-

 

1.4 year relationship with several break ups. She ended it and said she was "done". I went strict NC and she never heard from me again.. Met my new GF 3 months later and have been with her 20 months now. About 6 months after she dumped me, she stopped by my house. I was napping, heard the door but thought it was a solicitor so I didn't get up. The next night she send a very long text apologizing for her $hitty behavior. Said she was a self a$$ and took responsibility for the relationships issues. I ignored her again. Two weeks later she send a long email going into great detail apologizing, took me for granted, didn't know what she had, missed me terribly and wanted another chance.

 

This angered my GF and she asked that I reply. In a short manner that I've moved on, have a GF that I love, and I'm not interested in ever dating her again..

 

And yes, it felt DAMN good!

[minime13]

...and did they ever figure out they WERE wrong, apologized and made changes?

 

They may one day, but they won't with you.

 

You can't teach someone they are wrong. They learn on their own (hopefully), and then reflect.

[SLee]

My ex blames me for everything that went wrong at the end. Did I make mistakes, yes, of course. I'm not perfect in the least. But he did some really messed up stuff that he CHOSE to do, but his biggest talent in life is to justify his own actions and blame other people so he doesn't have to be responsible.

 

I owned up to everything. Changed things that were issues on my end in the relationship. He never did. He never addressed them on his end.

 

I'm the type of person who admits when I'm wrong. He wasn't. He convinced me that everything was my fault and it took me a long time to realize that I'm not responsible for his actions. He made his choices, he just doesn't want to live with them.

 

That type of person will be unable to maintain a relationship with anyone until they sort themselves out. No matter what I told my ex, calmly and logically, he wouldn't listen to me. These people need to be alone, to figure themselves out and then go from there.

[thekarmacist]

thanks, slee. i agree the weight is now on him. i, too, am far from perfect, but at least i can and do admit when i'm wrong.

 

my question is, should i put that in an email or just do the big fadeaway?

i feel like should be told, but then i ask myself, why bother? he'll find some way to make it my fault.

 

we've been together a long time and everything's been ok the last two years until he moved house. the year anniversary of his son's death coincided with the move. he took a lot out on me, verbally abused me, and neither of us has reached out in 10 days.

 

as far as i am concerned, it is over, unless he can see a psychologist and get some help. unlike last time, i don't want to 'go dark' on him without saying why, even though i feel he should know what the problem is.

[SLee]

Exactly, the weight is on him. A child's death is a huge issue and that's horrific pain to go through, I can't even imagine that.

 

I was with my ex for nearly 4 years and his emotional immaturity, which included blaming me for things that weren't my fault, never stopped. I was also verbally abused and was actually scared for my physical well being at times with the way he acted.

 

I would give him the ultimatum if you still want to be with him. You need to put your foot down on it. This stuff only escalates or has you in a cycle. The next thing you know, you start blaming yourself for all these things that aren't your fault and internalizing everything he says. It happened to me. I've lost so much of who I was and my self-confidence.

 

No matter what he is going through and what state he's in mentally that may not be his fault, it is his responsibility to take care of it and NOT HURT OTHER PEOPLE IN THE PROCESS. That's the biggest thing I had to learn (I have severe depression) and it's a hard pill to swallow, but as an adult, that's the only way I could keep people in my life and not hurt the people I loved.

 

Likewise with my ex, he's on his own now. It's his job to figure his life out and get himself in check. Same with your guy.

 

So if you're still with him at this point, get to a place where you can articulate your feelings calmly and rationally and give it to him straight. Either he figures it out or your gone. He may not do it and you may need to be out of his life for him to figure that out, I don't know. No matter what, things cannot continue as they are.

[Meli22]

My last ex was never wrong, it used to drive me crazy. Even when our relationship was falling apart because "something was missing" for HIM, he would say that our relationship wasn't good enough for US. He called me immature because I wouldn't "admit" that the love between us wasn't as strong he didn't understand that people have different opinions. He even blamed the whole break up on me, but in the same breath would say none of this was my fault. In fact he blamed a lot of things on me during our time together; I began to believe it too. He was very contradictory during our break up.

[KatZee]

My last ex was never wrong either. Even when HE cheated on ME it was because "we had so many problems in the relationship" meanwhile he cheated 3 months in when we were in the honeymoon phase, had never had one argument, were basically on clouds and even random strangers would come up to us and be like, "you guys are such a great couple."

 

So even when he cheated, it was because I was causing problems or something. I don't even know what he meant. All our fights were my fault. All of our relationship issues were because of my attitude, how I behaved, how I reacted to things.

 

It was a never ending uphill battle to make that guy happy and I bent over backwards until my spine just broke in half and STILL I was always wrong.

 

And no. He never realized he played any part in the demise of our relationship. He never took any responsibility for cheating, for lying to my face day in and out for years, he never was wrong when he was emotionally abusing me, treating me like garbage, gaslighting me, disrespecting me, allowing his friends to disrespect me.

 

People like this don't suddenly wake up with an epiphany that they are garbage people. They are self absorbed, selfish, narcissistic a-holes. They will never be wrong, they are always a victim.

 

Best thing that POS ever did was break up with me.