BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 The guy that I dated before I started dating my ex-bf had potential. He was a nice person in general, had his act together and he could carry a decent conversation. However, at the end of the night when he leaned in to kiss me, he did it a little too fast and then he pressed his lips against mine hard, and then forcefully darted his tongue between my lips like a freakin' lizard (gross! ). I mean, there was NO sensuality or a slow build...this poor guy did NOT know how to kiss a woman. He completely turned me *off*. To me, if a guy doesn't know how to kiss a woman sensuously, he probably doesn't know how to make love or have sex with her in a sensual or tantric way. How a guy kisses me is how I gauge whether he's good in bed or not. This method hasn't failed me yet, and it seems to be true for the most part. Have you ever been on a date where she/he didn't kiss you in the way that you were expecting (or was hoping they would)? Have you ever kissed someone who wasn't a good kisser but was a good lover? Did you ever kiss someone who didn't know how to kiss and they turned out not to be good in bed? Would you continue dating (and perhaps even pursuing a possible relationship with) someone who didn't know how to kiss or was a horrible kisser? .
bentleychic Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I would and have continued to date someone that wasn't a good kisser. Thankfully, he is absolute AMAZING in bed and makes up for the not so good kissing ten fold. I LOVE kissing, but we don't mesh so well there. I've been with another guy that was an amazing kisser, super passionate and great at making out, but was seriously lacking in bed. Go figure! 1
Mrin Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 No. I ran into this once with a really cool woman. Great conversation. Sexy. Smart. But dear lord - the kissing was all wrong. Wrong like Scoobie Doo wrong. I gave it a few dates and tries and all I could think of is that if this is how she kisses now, imagine what she would really do in a passionate situation. Had to give her the wave off. But then again, she was in her early 30's and basically the old dog/new trick rule was in effect. If the person is say early 20's then that might be different. 1
minime13 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 The guy that I dated before I started dating my ex-bf had potential. He was a nice person in general, had his act together and he could carry a decent conversation. However, at the end of the night when he leaned in to kiss me, he did it a little too fast and then he pressed his lips against mine hard, and then forcefully darted his tongue between my lips like a freakin' lizard (gross! ). I mean, there was NO sensuality or a slow build...this poor guy did NOT know how to kiss a woman. He completely turned me *off*. To me, if a guy doesn't know how to kiss a woman sensuously, he probably doesn't know how to make love or have sex with her in a sensual or tantric way. How a guy kisses me is how I gauge whether he's good in bed or not. This method hasn't failed me yet, and it seems to be true for the most part. Have you ever been on a date where she/he didn't kiss you in the way that you were expecting (or was hoping they would)? Have you ever kissed someone who wasn't a good kisser but was a good lover? Did you ever kiss someone who didn't know how to kiss and they turned out not to be good in bed? Would you continue dating (and perhaps even pursuing a possible relationship with) someone who didn't know how to kiss or was a horrible kisser? . Everyone is adaptable. Hints here and there can do wonders to intimacy and sex, but if you're always expecting a mind-reader, then best of luck.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) The woman I just started seeing has had a lot of bad experience in this area. I kiss greeted her on the first date which she loved. Then a few minutes later she asked for me to please kiss her again. During she moaned softly and it was REALLY hot. Afterwards she says "Finally". So I ask her to explain and she starts telling me bad kissing stories. She said the last guy she saw kissed like the face sucker from Aliens. Haha For me though, kissing is essential. If I don't enjoy kissing a woman, there's no way I could enjoy being with her. Also, some people may disagree but I think that someone can either kiss or they can't. Plus, it's not something you can tactfully bring up to someone. One woman I had a first date with rammed her tongue down my throat the instant my mouth touched hers and it was an instant turn off. Making out is great, but some warm up is appreciated. Edited May 19, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
losangelena Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Nope, not a deal breaker. These things are learned, and if you're on the teaching end it can actually be quite fun. 4
preraph Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Well, being a bad kisser certainly can be a dealbreaker - unless you're both willing to skip the kissing. But I had a boyfriend who wasn't a good kisser (and I don't blame it all on him - I figure we just weren't kissing-compatible), but he was fine in bed. So you never know. But his kissing wasn't all lizardy like you described. It may have been more about the shape of his lips and the shape of mine or something. It just seemed.....flat. 1
Author BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 Mrin and FF, it seems the three of us are on the same page. @Minime: Everyone could be adaptable I guess, but I mean, seriously? I don't want to have to teach a guy how to kiss me! A guy can either kiss, or he can't. However, the only exception to this is if a guy is a very QUICK learner. If the next few times we're together, he can learn to kiss me in a sensuous way, then all would be well. A mind reader? I don't understand this part of your post. Am I supposed to TELL him HOW I want to be kissed?? I shouldn't have to tell a man how to kiss me...he should have a basic idea how to kiss a woman. @BentleyChic: I *knew* I'd come across an instance where the guy wasn't a good kisser but was the bomb in bed - and your post was it! If I ever came across a guy like that, then um yeah, I'd work with him and try to tell him HOW I like being kissed. But you see, kissing is VERY important to me. It's what arouses me immensely...before anything else occurs. It's what sends me into a passionate frenzy while I'm having sex with a guy. I can't be with a guy who doesn't know how to kiss. It's one of my many fave things that I like to do with a guy. . 2
leavesonautumn Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I love kissing and I believe it's a very important aspect of a relationship. I do think (or hope) that someone can be taught, however, in my experience the guys would just never "get it" and the chemistry suffered. Who knows, maybe they thought I was a bad kisser too, regardless, it just wouldn't work for me. There's nothing better then a first kiss being absolutely out of this world though . 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 But you see, kissing is VERY important to me. It's what arouses me immensely...before anything else occurs. It's what sends me into a passionate frenzy while I'm having sex with a guy. I can't be with a guy who doesn't know how to kiss. It's one of my many fave things that I like to do with a guy. Good post. I'm guessing that you associate a guy's kissing skills with his oral abilities. One thing I take pride in, is that all the women I've slept with compliment me on my skills in that department. F'ing is easy, but if you can please a woman orally that is a whole different matter all together. 1
minime13 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 @Minime: Everyone could be adaptable I guess, but I mean, seriously? I don't want to have to teach a guy how to kiss me! A guy can either kiss, or he can't. However, the only exception to this is if a guy is a very QUICK learner. If the next few times we're together, he can learn to kiss me in a sensuous way, then all would be well. A mind reader? I don't understand this part of your post. Am I supposed to TELL him HOW I want to be kissed?? I shouldn't have to tell a man how to kiss me...he should have a basic idea how to kiss a woman. . So, it's a deal-breaker for you. That's fine. You're asking for opinions, so I posted mine. Mind-reader: maybe his last girlfriend was really into it, and maybe you're the only person he's kissed that hasn't liked his style. Who knows. If you don't like it, how is he supposed to know?
Author BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 Good post. I'm guessing that you associate a guy's kissing skills with his oral abilities. One thing I take pride in, is that all the women I've slept with compliment me on my skills in that department. F'ing is easy, but if you can please a woman orally that is a whole different matter all together. Actually, I mostly gauge a guy's ability to kiss with how good he is in bed (intercourse). I've only had one instance where the guy I was with was good at kissing AND at giving me oral. It was, in a word....magical, and a HUGE turn on!:love: But every other guy I was with, their kissing skills didn't correlate with their cunnilingus abilities. In fact, my ex-bf (the ONE guy in my whole life) was the only guy who ever was able to satisfy me that way...and, I was his first! He was a VERY good (and quick) learner...he'd always ask me what I liked, how soft/hard/fast/slow I wanted his tongue and lips to "kiss" me there....and when he learned how I liked (LOVED) it, it was just pure BLISS from that point forward. It's one of the things about him that I miss. I'm sure I'll never find another guy who'll (know how to) do me like that... .
Author BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 So, it's a deal-breaker for you. That's fine. You're asking for opinions, so I posted mine. Mind-reader: maybe his last girlfriend was really into it, and maybe you're the only person he's kissed that hasn't liked his style. Who knows. If you don't like it, how is he supposed to know? No, I get what you're saying. And you're right, I might've been the only woman who didn't like how he kissed. That's a good point. Well, whenever I wasn't into the way a guy kisses me, I'd let him know in a non-verbal way; he'd KNOW that I wasn't into it. I'm not gonna embarrass a guy or make him feel bad by telling him verbally that he kisses like $hit. He'd have to be an exceptional guy in other aspects for me to have to take the time to TEACH him how to kiss me - a basic skill that most guys (and women) should know how to do by the time they reach adulthood. .
todreaminblue Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 kissing like sex is a union between two people and it is quite possible for a bad kisser to turn out to be a good kisser once he learns what you like and what you dont like..... what i dont like is when a guy tries to reach my tonsils on a first date.... because honestly i dont have them and he would not find any the further he sticks his tongue down my throat......i further dislike when i try to pull my head back a guy will hold my head still...them is fighting actions.....i have had a guy stick his tongue down my throat my natural reaction is to recoil......and then he holds my head still so i cant recoil and i panic.....feels like an alien abduction if i were to know what that felt like.....i call it the tonsil probe......and if that guy has a cold tongue...yep alien abduction i told a guy once look i havent kissed anyone in a very long time.i am a bit nervous ..so..didnt give me a chance to finish what i was going to say......and he said after doing the alien probe thing......see just like riding a bike its easy...........as i wiped drool from the inside of my mouth...and covered my internal shudder with a smile......yeah youre right dont know what i was nervous for,its easy..... what upset me more i guess is he didnt listen or allow me to finish....i was completely and utterly honest......as i always am when it comes to things like this...so at the end of it i became dishonest and told him what he wanted to hear because he wouldnt like the truth...... i am actually a really good kisser...but i prefer to know the guy first..... that guy has to listen.....to follow my lead when kissing...and its soft warm, slight pressure , building up with a little heat behind the kiss..its not all in the lips its at the pulse point on the neck, a nibble here a nibble there..lips to skin......and then sing..........no tongue....just sweet and warm pressure that makes your heart swell..... i dont care if a guy isnt a good kisser...i can teach quite well..i also listen to what he likes...and if it is my tongue down his throat that he is after.... i dont rock that way either...so maybe we arent a match....... i do care if a guy wants to listen and understand me first..like i want to understand and know what he likes.........then all is sweet..has to be a certain amount of intimate close respect given...deb ... 1
JJCaliGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Yeah, I would say it is a deal breaker for me but to each his/her own. I know one person's style may not be what another person likes. I do have to say, that this thread immediately made me think about this video...
alphamale Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 i would not date a woman who can't kiss. luckily most women can kiss correctly. i have been told that i am a good kisser. its just like dancing, yo0 can either do it or not.
anna121 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I've found people rarely change their basic approach to kissing once they reach adulthood. It would be deal breaker if the guy was terrible. But I've been happy with average kissers. But, boy oh boy, do I appreciate it when they are A++.
jen1447 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Kissing is hugely important to me - one of my favorite things believe it or not, despite being a freak. I've had a few run-ins (mostly with guys) that didn't start well but I was able to calm them down and get it on track. I do think some learning is possible, and meshing of styles (assuming they have one - not everybody does) can take a bit of effort. But you can usually 'train' them pretty quickly if you start out slow and be patient. Like with overzealous guys, I'll actually stop them and tell them to slow down (nicely), let me do what I like, and follow my lead. They tend to get it. Women don't usually have that problem honestly. (I do believe that there's a small percentage of people who just don't get it and can never learn. If I found one of those, it would be a deal-breaker. I really love marathon makeout sessions, so it you take that out of your playbook it's just like yeah no. Sorry.)
alphamale Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I really love marathon makeout sessions, yea girls get really wet
phineas Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 yep. massive deal breaker. Had a woman come over for a first date (her idea) we were on the couch & before I could even start the movie she had brushed her hand accross my zipper a few times. she was wearing a zippered hoody and I really wanted to see what she had on under it. she was attractive and about 7yrs younger than me. I put my arm around her, she leaned towards me & damn near swallowed my face. I imagine if someone pushed a wet plunger onto my face it would of felt similar. I lost all desire to unzip her hoodie and couldn't wait for her to leave.
writergal Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 If your date doesn't know how to kiss, is it a deal breaker?! Major dealbreaker for me. The last guy I dated (met online) never French kissed me. I didn't know if it was because he didn't know how, or didn't want to French kiss me. French kissing skills are a must-have for me.
alphamale Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 French kissing skills are a must-have for me. indeed....
writergal Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 indeed.... A French kiss on the lips forever *between* the hips... You can teach them. That in itself, can be fun. Satu I actually tried and I went to grad school for teacher training. This guy was un-teachable. Despite a guided lesson plan with visuals, and an offer to pay for a tongue transplant that came with French kissing rehabilitation exercises, I had to give him an "F" for his inability to complete my course in "good kissing 101." I'll leave it to some other poor woman to take him through his GED-FK (general education development in french kissing), because it will take a miracle to help that guy. Give me tongue, or give me death...no make that ice cream. I'd rather plow through a pint of rocky road than have my lips chapped and face eaten by a bad kisser. 1
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