dave_whu Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Hey guys, my Gf of 4 years finished with me sunday. We was stronger than ever and planning on buying a house over the summer. But stupidly on sunday we was out for a meal with our 2 freinds and i got so ridiculously drunk that i blacked out. Anyway turns out i was calling my gf every name under the sun and told her how much i dont love her, then left the resturant mid meal. I have no recolection of my actions but this is the 2nd time i have done this so she says she cant excuse it this time. I spent the 1st day apologising and today she deleted me off her facebook. Shes angry like ive never seen before and i think ive pushed her too far. Stumbled across this forum and i would appreciate some advice on how yous would handle my situation. Thanks for reading.
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 You can start by giving up drinking completely. Seek treatment for alcohol abuse if necessary. 9
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 You can start by giving up drinking completely. Seek treatment for alcohol abuse if necessary. Yep, by the sound of things, you f*cked this one up beyond recovery. Learn and change for the next relationship. 3
NopeNah Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 ehhhh.... Sound's to me like there were underlying issues, with the two of you and you let "them" out.. Blackout drunk is NEVER good, however..it does bring out the feeling's...just saying. My past ex's would bottle it up,until they got stupid drunk, then all hell would break loose! They say when you're drunk you speak your mind... I say....you speak your feeling's/insecurities. 1
No Limit Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Quit drinking. And when you do, drink responsibly. Stunts like this can cost you a lot more than just your relationship. 1
SoThatHappened Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Your problem is obviously the drinking. Reminds me of the line from "Liar, Liar" back in the late '90s: "You want my legal advice? STOP BREAKING THE LAW, AS**OLE!!!" Seriously, get a handle on that alcohol intake. That's your biggest problem right now. After that's figured out, then deal with relationships and everything else. Good luck man. I know it's not easy. 3
Satu Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Hey guys, my Gf of 4 years finished with me sunday. We was stronger than ever and planning on buying a house over the summer. But stupidly on sunday we was out for a meal with our 2 freinds and *i got so ridiculously drunk that i blacked out. Anyway turns out i was calling my gf every name under the sun and told her how much i dont love her, then left the resturant mid meal. *I have no recolection of my actions but this is the 2nd time i have done this so she says she cant excuse it this time. I spent the 1st day apologising and today she deleted me off her facebook. Shes angry like ive never seen before and i think *ive pushed her too far. Stumbled across this forum and i would appreciate some advice on how yous would handle my situation. Thanks for reading. *You have an alcohol problem. Face up to it and deal with it. 2
SLee Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I'm sorry you're going through this. A month before he broke up with me, my ex got blackout drunk to the point of alcohol poisoning. I wasn't there when it happened (he had a work function), but a neighbor and I found him far off from home with multiple bruises on his head and stuff it was mess. He was aggressive, not at me, but in general and it was a state I've never seen him in before. He's not a heavy drinker and never an angry drunk. It was terrifying and shocking. He refuses to admit it, but it was definitely more to it than "I'm just in my mid twenties and did something dumb lol". He was drinking his stress and feelings. It was a culmination of a lot of things and he had a breakdown. That's what I'm guessing happened here. Get your drinking in check and respect her feelings. If she doesn't want to hear from you, respect it. I can't say you'll be able to reconcile but at least let things calm down and address anything in your life that you think may have led to it. 1
Author dave_whu Posted May 20, 2015 Author Posted May 20, 2015 Thanks guys i left her a message basically saying im going to take a step back now and try not to contact her and hopefully time will heal and not too much damage is done. Oh an the drink problem that i will address. So we will see what happens. 1
KatZee Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 They always say that a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Is it true in your case? Who knows. Either way, she gave you a chance, and you blew it again. Being black out drunk is disgusting, and extremely unattractive. My ex did that to me when we first started dating, he was disgusting in public, groping me, forcing me to make out with him, then screaming at me when I wouldn't. I told him if he ever behaved that way again with me that he was done. He didn't get black out drunk again until probably 2 years later. He got lost in the street, and had to call the cops to go find him and pick him up. I caused such a scene, and the PO saw how trashed he was that he pulled him aside and told him to just keep his damn mouth shut around me. Grown people shouldn't behave this way, so yes, I agree, seek help in alcohol abuse. It's hard to come back from such an aggressive, nasty attack. How does she know these aren't thoughts deep in your mind when you're sober? I don't think I could personally be with someone spewing so much hatred at me. 2
AIJ Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 If the 'whu' in your username stands for West Ham United, I have no sympathy for you. I kid, I kid, however it does make me dislike you a little bit right off the bat Sounds like you have a serious drinking problem, fix that first, then think about finding another relationship. 1
Satu Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 The truth is that that kind of drinking shuts down so much of the brain, that all thats left is a beast that looks like a man. 1
lolablue17 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Usually when people get drunk they say and do thing they have a desire to do or say deep inside, like an animal without boundaries. She could forgive you for being drunk, but maybe she realized that your love is not true, and the only way you can express your true feelings is when you're drunk. So, the think you should ask yourself, maybe with therapy, is what are your real feelings toward her. 3
Author dave_whu Posted May 20, 2015 Author Posted May 20, 2015 Hey guys little update. She responded to my message basically questioning my love for her through my actions. She said she thinks its more anger problems than alcohol. And shes got to do whats best for her. I replied by telling her how much she means and that i hope one day it can work it self out. Her reply was im sure you do love me and i do love you too but i cant take being treated this way anymore. Then due to my phone screen being broken im only able to talk on my tablet to her on my home wifi. She messaged saying "and if you really did care you wouldnt just message me when you get home" What can i read into this? 1
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Hey guys little update. She responded to my message basically questioning my love for her through my actions. She said she thinks its more anger problems than alcohol. And shes got to do whats best for her. I replied by telling her how much she means and that i hope one day it can work it self out. Her reply was im sure you do love me and i do love you too but i cant take being treated this way anymore. Then due to my phone screen being broken im only able to talk on my tablet to her on my home wifi. She messaged saying "and if you really did care you wouldnt just message me when you get home" What can i read into this? Maybe she wants a face to face with you? She may also want you to chase her, to win her back.
Satu Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Hey guys little update. She responded to my message basically questioning my love for her through my actions. She said she thinks its more anger problems than alcohol. And shes got to do whats best for her. I replied by telling her how much she means and that i hope one day it can work it self out. Her reply was im sure you do love me and i do love you too but i cant take being treated this way anymore. Then due to my phone screen being broken im only able to talk on my tablet to her on my home wifi. She messaged saying "and if you really did care you wouldnt just message me when you get home" What can i read into this? Kudos to you on coming back after being told some hard truths. If you do really love her, you have to demonstrate that love by your actions.. No more drunken beastliness. Treat her with respect at all times, and maintain your own dignity. That's where the mending begins. 2
Author dave_whu Posted May 20, 2015 Author Posted May 20, 2015 Kudos to you on coming back after being told some hard truths. If you do really love her, you have to demonstrate that love by your actions.. No more drunken beastliness. Treat her with respect at all times, and maintain your own dignity. That's where the mending begins. The site has really helped me. I dont feel any steps closer to her but at least it seems like she can still talk to me. Just have to see how it plays out now. 1
minime13 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Hey guys little update. She responded to my message basically questioning my love for her through my actions. She said she thinks its more anger problems than alcohol. And shes got to do whats best for her. I replied by telling her how much she means and that i hope one day it can work it self out. Her reply was im sure you do love me and i do love you too but i cant take being treated this way anymore. Then due to my phone screen being broken im only able to talk on my tablet to her on my home wifi. She messaged saying "and if you really did care you wouldnt just message me when you get home" What can i read into this? She's hurt by what you've done and is lashing out. Just tell her you can only access messaging when you're home. Or don't. At this point, you both need time and space away from each other. She's the one that broke it off with you, for valid reasons, but it does neither of you a bit of good to keep going back and forth. At this point, you've had a pretty big wake up call, and you need to listen to it. I don't know if you have a chronic drinking problem, or if you are using it to mask underlying issues. Alcohol, itself, is not to blame here - your reasons for using it to such an excess is. Whatever you hope or wish will come of this relationship is moot, right now. At this point, it isn't salvageable. You are, though. Confront the issue with drinking, and the underlying reasons why these words come out when your inhibitions have been lowered. No more drinking isn't going to solve this issue. If you need to seek counseling to figure out why you acted this way, please do so. Only when you are able to find the root of your problem(s) and work on that root will you be in the frame of mind to properly move forward - whether it be learning from this relationship, or trying to get back to a point where she can trust you again. It's not going to happen overnight, though, so stop trying to work it out with her, and start trying to work things out with yourself. 1
alphamale Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 you need to stop drinking. if you continue you will end up in an institution, jail or dead. Find a AA meeting near you. 1
preraph Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Look, ordinary drinkers don't black out and do things they wouldn't do sober. So you are a serious alcoholic. The ONLY thing you need to be worried about for the next year at least is getting in AA and staying there. While someone is an alcoholic who is drinking a lot, their maturity and development get real slow. So if someone starts drinking at say 20 and gets sober at 40, they still have the mindset of a 20 year old and it takes a few years to catch back up. Once you are sober and catch up in your development, the woman you felt was right for you drunk will probably no longer be the woman for you, at least as a mate. It's time to you to fix yourself. Good luck. 1
joseb Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 How do you feel about the relationship? Is there a reason you felt you needed to get so drunk, or is this a habit for you in general? If so, what are you planning to do to tackle the alcohol problem?
Author dave_whu Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Just to let you guys know. I got back together with my GF after bickering for a few days Saturday night she told me it was definitely over for good. I replied by saying okay and that we won't be able to speak if you really mean that. Sunday morning I had a text apologising saying she was a bit harsh etc. And that she just needs time. Today we met up and sorted everything out and we are back on. Hope to not get in this situation again too soon thanks for the help guys.
CarrieT Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Dave, with the yo-yo-ing going on in your relationship, unless you fix all the issues causing you two to continually break-up and get back together, your relationship WILL NOT LAST.
Author dave_whu Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Dave, with the yo-yo-ing going on in your relationship, unless you fix all the issues causing you two to continually break-up and get back together, your relationship WILL NOT LAST. ...... this is the 1st time we have split up?
j_mysterio Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 IT'S NOT OVER. Dont be weak. Dont be pathetic. Apologize as a man... look her in her eyes and ask her to forgive you. Quit drinking... be a better man for your future... which will include her.
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