whirl3daway Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I know this question is a bit "moot" as it's very personal and depends on situation to situation... but I'm still wondering. I'm a couple months out of a serious relationship that I was in for almost 2 years, and there was one before that I was in for about 3 years. At this point in my life, I feel as though I'd like a break from tending to other people's needs and tend to my own. I'm thinking I should probably wait until this feeling subsides to start dating, right? I'm enjoying my own company for the first time in my life, and I really like having the whole bed to myself and watching all the cooking shows I want, spending hours re-reading Harry Potter or making art or at the gym. That's probably kind of sad How long did it take you to get back into the "swing" of things, post serious relationships? 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I was married for 20 years and became single again at 40. It took me a while to feel "ready" to date anyone seriously again. I was just enjoying my freedom and desperately wanted to explore my sexuality which had been put on ice for too many years. I'm now in a very happy relationship that's been going strong for over two years and I've never been happier.
hotpotato Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Usually I spend 2 or 3 years in between relationships. I could see myself doing 4 or 5 this time around. *shrug*
jen1447 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I'd usually just jump right back in, but I can see some merit with what you're saying about personal time. 1
Author whirl3daway Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 It took me a while to feel "ready" to date anyone seriously again. you know, I'm sort of wondering about this too. what does "ready" feel like?
Satu Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Time alone can be wonderful if you're really *with yourself.* It can be a very special time. It did me a lot of good.
misspond Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I mostly take a long time, but that's down to my confidence (or self-perceived lack of).
aloneinaz Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) you know, I'm sort of wondering about this too. what does "ready" feel like? Ready is when you think to yourself "hum, I'm really missing male companionship". Often times, you need to take a break, catch your breath, heal from the last relationship and enjoy some alone time. I think some people get confused about when they are ready to "date" again vs. they are ready to consider another serious relationship. If you're thinking that going on a date again could be fun, you're ready. There's nothing wrong with casually dating and if a guy rocks your world with great chemistry, taking it further. My last RS was off/on for 1.4 years. I REALLY loved her but there were too many break ups and she just wasn't "right". She ended it and I let it really destroy me. I couldn't eat or sleep for a couple of weeks. At about a month post break up, I said enough and started dating again. Was I "over" her. No way. I just knew I couldn't go back to her, that relationship was over and I missed female companionship. I started off just dating and having fun while being honest with the dates. It was very good for my self esteem and confidence to get right back on the horse. A few months later I met my now 20 month GF who lives with me. I'm not an advocate of sitting around for months and months "healing" over a failed relationship. Some think they need too. I think it provides far too much time to have pity parties and sulk over and over again for a failed relationship. Edited May 19, 2015 by aloneinaz
Author whirl3daway Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 Time alone can be wonderful if you're really *with yourself.* It can be a very special time. It did me a lot of good. This is how it's feeling for me right now. My last relationship didn't end disastrously, and I don't feel like I am hurting or anything really. I just want to be selfish right now, I suppose. I'm a "giver"/"caretaker" type of person, so it's been quite nice to be able to do whatever I want to do for once. In the past, I have rushed to get back into relationships as I had a steep fear of abandonment. It's a breath of fresh air no longer feeling that, but I suppose now I'm like "hmmmm how do I know when I AM ready?" haha
hotpotato Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 For me, long enough is when ive started forget about my previous, horrible breakup. :lol: The negative feelings must subside and feelings of euphoria for the new person must be sufficiently strong. I bave to feel like being with the person is worth the risk then im ready. I hope thats not too complicated!
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 My rule of thumb is I just let it happen. If I meet a great guy and I know in my heart that I'm not just seeking his company to get my mind off of someone else and I genuinely care for him, I'll explore the possibility of a relationship. I waited 4 1/2 years between my first and second relationship, but not because I intentionally did so. I just wasn't actively seeking anyone and up until that point I hadn't found anyone I was interested in a serious relationship with. 1
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