frigginlost Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I can see what you mean, frigginlost. I would argue that Facebook is meant for you to use as a tool to keep in touch with friends/people you give a **** about. When a relationship is over there are zero ties between you and your ex and zero reason to stay friends, thus zero reason to have eachother on social media. I don't want someone who dumped me keeping tabs on me - i don't want them in my life in any form. I have 2 exes on my friends list that I have not once interacted with online in ANY FORM, not even a "like" since breaking up many many years ago. Blocking them now would be weird because I'm completely indifferent. But in the early stages, when you're hurting, there's no other way. Keeping them on social media is just masochistic. Blocking is getting rid of them so you can just focus on healing and get used to them being completely, totally out of your life for good. That's not holding onto the relationship it's me just wanting that person indefinitely out of my life so I can move on. I guess I should add this is entirely situation dependent. I'm advocating blocking because I was told by my ex when she dumped me that I should kill myself, that she never wants to hear from me or see my face ever again and that even thinking about me infuriated her. Obviously blocking her was the best thing not only for myself but her in this situation. I wish there was an option that permanently disabled you from ever being able to interact with another person on facebook, even having my exes name in the blocked list means I have the option of unblocking her if i want. I wish I could just erase her permanently so this isn't even an option Ah! Well then, I absolutely 100% agree in your case!
Simon Phoenix Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 random thought: Does NC apply to funerals? You'll have to expound on this. 1
aloneinaz Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 random thought: Does NC apply to funerals? Yup, it applies to EEEVVVERRRYYY THING... My mother passed away a few months after my ex dumped me. My ex REALLY liked my mother too. I didn't waste a second thinking about letting her know my mother passed. She didn't want me in her life so why would I break NC to let her know? That's the hardest thing about a break up in my mind. These ex's where once a very important part of our lives. When the relationship ends, you stop seeing/talking to them and their family in most cases. This is especially true during the first year or two. Like Hunk stated, there's nothing wrong with having an ex on FB or other social media as long as they were not a POS to you. You just have to let a lot of years go by to where ALL the feeling and emotions are gone. By then, most people remember the good times of the relationship in a nostalgic way. I always tried to be very civil during a break up. It's important to me to try and be on friendly terms w/ex's. If you treat each other w/respect and dignity at a break up, there's no reason that you can't be friendly towards each other down the line. There's NO value in hating someone for years. 2
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 20, 2015 Author Posted May 20, 2015 Ok, Here is the last thing. The relationship is over, Im moving on and going to continue NC with her. She lives near an area of town where a lot of the bars and nightlife is and I go out there after work or on the weekends, we have similar social circles and it is only a matter of time until we run into each other. How do I handle that when we finally do? I would probably just say hi and keep it at that, not try and engage in conversation. She has already shown that she is avoiding this type of encounter by texting a friend to make sure I wasn't at a place she was going. I hope I don't have to see her,but I want to be prepared
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Ok, Here is the last thing. The relationship is over, Im moving on and going to continue NC with her. She lives near an area of town where a lot of the bars and nightlife is and I go out there after work or on the weekends, we have similar social circles and it is only a matter of time until we run into each other. How do I handle that when we finally do? I would probably just say hi and keep it at that, not try and engage in conversation. She has already shown that she is avoiding this type of encounter by texting a friend to make sure I wasn't at a place she was going. I hope I don't have to see her,but I want to be prepared Personally, I'd avoid those places until you're healed and the sight of her making out w/some hunky guy wouldn't bother you. When my last ex and I broke up, I totally avoided anywhere that I might run into her! It would of set me back and I knew it. What if she looks smoking hot and has a great new hair cut? You don't want that. I know it sounds like your hiding from her but your protecting yourself as well. Find new places to go until you're over it. Once you could handle seeing her like I described and it wouldn't bother you, then do it. Maybe by then, you'll run into her with some hot chick holding your hand! My dumper tried to get me back after 6 months. I'd moved on and found a better GF who I'm still with that's better looking too. About 4 months after I told her I wouldn't get back with her, I was in a grocery store with my GF. A little girl grabbed the back on my shirt. I turned around and it was the ex's daughter who I was close with. She gave me a big hug and told me she missed me. I looked for the ex and just barely saw her ducking down another isle to avoid us. I had a big smile on my face driving home with my GF. Karma baby. 2
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 Your logic makes a lot of sense here. I am def still hurting about the break up and miss her, but I also have accepted it for what it is. I don't wanna avoid a social part of town where I have met girls there before my ex and can do so after her too now, so what if I see her, its over if she is with another guy, then it means that I really didn't mean that much to her and it might help me move on faster even it hurts to see her with someone.
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Your logic makes a lot of sense here. I am def still hurting about the break up and miss her, but I also have accepted it for what it is. I don't wanna avoid a social part of town where I have met girls there before my ex and can do so after her too now, so what if I see her, its over if she is with another guy, then it means that I really didn't mean that much to her and it might help me move on faster even it hurts to see her with someone. That's obviously your call my man.. I personally wouldn't do it while I was still hurting. There has to be other places you can go where you're likely to not run into her. I think the vast majority of people on this site in your situation would do the same unless they are really wanting to see their ex.
NopeNah Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 New years eve...I went to my clients bar..My ex was there with another guy...SUCKED! Avoid the places until you can handle seeing her being all over someone else..seriously!
Holmes85 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 SankeCoffee, There are 2 things that stand out from your previous post I was dating this great girl for the past 10 months. The honeymoon period is definitely over. About 3 weeks ago, she caught me off guard and said she wasn't happy and need space.Translation: Ok look there is this other guy that I am emotionally invested in, since I don't know if the feelings are mutual, I need some space from you to explore it further with him. If I found out that the feelings aren't mutual I would come back from this space and pretend that everything is okay again. What do you do when you hear such things? You pre-emptively dump that kind of a flaky girl. As for your original question should I ever contact my ex who dumped meMost definitely No. If you do contact her, that would only vaild her decision more and she would also get an ego boost in the process on your expense. You need to remove her from everywhere and start focusing on youself.
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 SankeCoffee, There are 2 things that stand out from your previous post The honeymoon period is definitely over. Translation: Ok look there is this other guy that I am emotionally invested in, since I don't know if the feelings are mutual, I need some space from you to explore it further with him. If I found out that the feelings aren't mutual I would come back from this space and pretend that everything is okay again. What do you do when you hear such things? You pre-emptively dump that kind of a flaky girl. As for your original question Most definitely No. If you do contact her, that would only vaild her decision more and she would also get an ego boost in the process on your expense. You need to remove her from everywhere and start focusing on youself. yeah makes a lot of sense and would really explains what happened at the end. I think that she def has some interest in someone new, I was weak at the time I posted this thread. I am in a much better spot right now, and I have no intentions of ever contacting her again. Focusing on me and realizing that she wasn't that great and had lots of things that bothered me, just the feeling of rejection sucks and is hard to deal with. 1
aloneinaz Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I am in a much better spot right now, and I have no intentions of ever contacting her again. Focusing on me and realizing that she wasn't that great and had lots of things that bothered me, just the feeling of rejection sucks and is hard to deal with. IDK, for me, when I said to myself "she doesn't want you in her life anymore and I'm giving her that", it helped me feel much better about myself and the situation. It gives us our power back. We know control if we ever speak to them again. The NC REALLY does help us heal. Out of sight, out of mind. No checking social sites, deleting all their pictures or moving them to a storage device and hiding it in the attic. Cleansing your place of anything that they gave you or reminds you off them.. It's all very therapeutic.. Sometimes vanishing from an ex's life has an ancillary benefit. The ex SOMETIMES reappears when they are lonely, in between relationships, sick of dating, etc.. We then have the pleasure of saying NO THANKS to their request for another chance.. I'll tell ya, it feels great. Feeling rejected does suck, I'm so with you there my man.. But, most everyone has been rejected in their lives. It makes us stronger and tougher as well.
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 IDK, for me, when I said to myself "she doesn't want you in her life anymore and I'm giving her that", it helped me feel much better about myself and the situation. It gives us our power back. We know control if we ever speak to them again. The NC REALLY does help us heal. Out of sight, out of mind. No checking social sites, deleting all their pictures or moving them to a storage device and hiding it in the attic. Cleansing your place of anything that they gave you or reminds you off them.. It's all very therapeutic.. Sometimes vanishing from an ex's life has an ancillary benefit. The ex SOMETIMES reappears when they are lonely, in between relationships, sick of dating, etc.. We then have the pleasure of saying NO THANKS to their request for another chance.. I'll tell ya, it feels great. Feeling rejected does suck, I'm so with you there my man.. But, most everyone has been rejected in their lives. It makes us stronger and tougher as well. This experience is def making me a stronger person. Sometimes I am hard on myself and blame myself for some of the failures and maybe getting too comfortable and taking her for granted and stuff like that. But it def takes two people to be committed to a relationship and maybe I got that way because she was being distant and was checking out. Either way I learned some things in the relationship and I'm def learning some things going through the breakup
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