SankeCoffee Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I was dating this great girl for the past 10 months. In that time we had a great relationship, No jealousy, very little fighting, good communication, all that a mature relationship should be. We travel together, and always had a full weekend of activities. Her friends and family all seemed to really like me and many of her friends would pull me aside and tell me how much this girl loved me. About 3 weeks ago, she caught me off guard and said she wasn't happy and need space. The next day I was pretty upset and sent her an email while at work because she was all I could think about, where I pretty much said something along the lines about all the different things about her that I love and how relationships are something you grow together by learning from mistakes and becoming stronger together, probably a mistake on my part to do that since I was an emotional wrecked at the time, but I at least made it known how I felt about her so I don't regret it. She told me that was sweet, but that I know how she feels about me and to not contact her again. I called her a few days later on Sunday morning but she didn't answer. I dropped her stuff off at her apartment about a week later, cause I need all that remind me of her out of sight and out of my mind. Since then we haven't been in contact. A few days ago she texted a mutual friend to make sure I wasn't at a bar for happy hour after work that she was going to go to. I'm doing my best to move on since she hasn't given me any sign that she still cares for me at all, but I miss her and do think that we were really good together. This weekend she is going out of town with a couple that we know and there 2 kids, I was suppose to go too but that was before we broke up. I'm thinking about reaching out to her again, is this a bad idea? If she still cared she would of made some sort of effort to talk to me in the past 3 weeks of no contact? Good Idea or Lost cause and let her go? Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I was dating this great girl for the past 10 months. In that time we had a great relationship, No jealousy, very little fighting, good communication, all that a mature relationship should be. We travel together, and always had a full weekend of activities. Her friends and family all seemed to really like me and many of her friends would pull me aside and tell me how much this girl loved me. About 3 weeks ago, she caught me off guard and said she wasn't happy and need space. The next day I was pretty upset and sent her an email while at work because she was all I could think about, where I pretty much said something along the lines about all the different things about her that I love and how relationships are something you grow together by learning from mistakes and becoming stronger together, probably a mistake on my part to do that since I was an emotional wrecked at the time, but I at least made it known how I felt about her so I don't regret it. She told me that was sweet, but that I know how she feels about me and to not contact her again. I called her a few days later on Sunday morning but she didn't answer. I dropped her stuff off at her apartment about a week later, cause I need all that remind me of her out of sight and out of my mind. Since then we haven't been in contact. A few days ago she texted a mutual friend to make sure I wasn't at a bar for happy hour after work that she was going to go to. I'm doing my best to move on since she hasn't given me any sign that she still cares for me at all, but I miss her and do think that we were really good together. This weekend she is going out of town with a couple that we know and there 2 kids, I was suppose to go too but that was before we broke up. I'm thinking about reaching out to her again, is this a bad idea? If she still cared she would of made some sort of effort to talk to me in the past 3 weeks of no contact? Good Idea or Lost cause and let her go? Do not contact her again. You are borderline stalker now. She has told you to leave her alone. She has not reached out to you. She is trying to actively avoid you. She has not responded to any previous attempts. Do you need to get hit in the head with a brick to get the message? Sounds like she met someone else. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Don't contact her. Whatever plans you had became void the moment she left you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) Yes, you really, really should contact her again. This will- * Show her you're really pathetic, needy and a wuss who can't take a hint. * Turn her off so badly, she'll never want to talk to you again. * Scare her and make her think you are a stalker. * Think you have no pride, self esteem nor a back bone. Ok, seriously. Don't contact her. I know it hurts. We've all been there and it will pass MUCH faster when you go into FULL NC. Delete her numbers, block her on all social media. Worry about YOU and your needs. I'm not sure why you'd want to chase after this woman who pulled this on you?!?! She clearly checked out of the relationship and is possibly seeing or into someone new. Either way, there's NOTHING you can do at this point but move on with your life while healing. It sucks, we get that but sadly, guys and girls do this all the time. I guarantee she's been checking out of that relationship for some time before she finally ended it. You just missed the signs. Post here and vent here vs. contacting her any further. DON'T CONTACT HER! Edited May 19, 2015 by aloneinaz 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Best thing you could do is find a date for the weekend. new girl, next.... Do not contact her. You smothered her than stalked her. If they don't contact you after a couple of tries, move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Your thought process makes total sense about relationships being an opportunity to grow together, but if she makes the choice that she doesn't want to be with you, there's nothing you can do about it, but let it be. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. I agree with the others that she's signaled loud and clear to you that she wants you to back off, for whatever reason, so that's what you must do. Time will tell you the answers you're seeking. However, I would advise against making further contact at this point because she stated she knows how you feel and doesn't want you to contact her anymore. Any further contact would be harassment. Don't be that guy. It's normal to be upset with a sudden breakup after a lengthy relationship. It will take time to heal, but you need to direct your energies and focus toward yourself right now because she's a dead end to you right now. When you think of contacting her, just remember what she told you - she knows how you feel and she doesn't want you contacting her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 If someone asks you not to contact them, you shouldn't. People have a right to privacy, and that has to be respected. If someone says it's over, it IS over. Get on with your own life and be good to yourself. After a while you will start to enjoy life again. Life isn't ever about just one person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Thanks for the advice guys, sometimes you need some tough love to put things in perspective. I don't think I was a stalker at all though. I called her one time time in first weekend apart, and sent an email to her the day after we broke up. Since then I haven't made any attempt in the past 3 weeks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Thanks for the advice guys, sometimes you need some tough love to put things in perspective. I don't think I was a stalker at all though. I called her one time time in first weekend apart, and sent an email to her the day after we broke up. Since then I haven't made any attempt in the past 3 weeks. That's good! Move past/minimize this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Pretend she's dead & move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Pretend she's dead & move on. Yeah, This is how it has to be. Its hard letting go of someone you thought you had a future with, but out of sight out of mind is the only way I'm going to be able to move on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Yeah, This is how it has to be. Its hard letting go of someone you thought you had a future with, but out of sight out of mind is the only way I'm going to be able to move on You'll move on and you'll be as happy as you ever were. I moved on and I'm happier now than I ever have been. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Pretend she's dead & move on. This. Exorcise everything about her from your life. Text messages. Emails. Phone numbers. Skype accounts. Every single thing. Under no circumstances should you ever contact her again. For all intents and purposes she is dead to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) This. Exorcise everything about her from your life. Text messages. Emails. Phone numbers. Skype accounts. Every single thing. Under no circumstances should you ever contact her again. For all intents and purposes she is dead to you. yeah I have done all this, I still have her number. I guess thats really the last thing I need to do. I unfollowed her on all social media, but my instagram account is public and anyone can see it, should I block her so she can't see my stuff? I really don't care if she sees what Im doing, I have been going on with my life and will continue to do so and I think blocking someone is juvenile , if you don't wanna see them then don't go looking for there **** Edited May 19, 2015 by SankeCoffee Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 yeah I have done all this, I still have her number. I guess thats really the last thing I need to do. I unfollowed her on all social media, but my instagram account is public and anyone can see it, should I block her so she can't see my stuff? I really don't care if she sees what Im doing, I have been going on with my life and will continue to do so and I think blocking someone is juvenile , if you don't wanna see them then don't go looking for there **** Yes, BLOCK her on everything so she can't search or have a friend search for you on FB, Instagram, or anything else. You basically need to vanish from her life. When I was dumped, I did vanish and blocked my ex on everything. She had no idea what I was doing and SHE NEVER heard from me. I promised myself that I would NEVER contact her again nor would I ever get back together with her. Understand doing all that is for YOU to heal and move on. It makes YOU feel better "out of sight, out of mind". It also deflates HER ego as well. She's sure you'll still contact her, beg for another shot and you'll always be on the back burner for her if she gets lonely, or her rebound fails, etc.. By vanishing and never hearing from you again, it can deflate her ego even if she never wants to see you again. You'll regain your pride and self esteem by this and think "you don't want me in your life, you got it!" I was a bit childish myself. I met my new GF about 3 months after the ex dumped me. About 5 months after I got dumped, I un-blocked the ex on FB. Why? Cause I started posting pics w/my new GF on FB and made the pictures public. My new GF was BETTER looking than my ex. I knew her well and KNEW she would spy on me and I learned later that she did. Yup, I was still pissed and angry at the ex and I wanted a bit of childish revenge. About 6 months after the ex and I broke up, her rebound failed and she came back after me, begging, pleading, etc. Classic dumpers remorse she was suffering. I have to say it felt AWESOME to say NO THANKS to her wanting another shot! I'm still with my new GF, now for 20 months and couldn't be happier. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 yeah I have done all this, I still have her number. I guess thats really the last thing I need to do. I unfollowed her on all social media, but my instagram account is public and anyone can see it, should I block her so she can't see my stuff? I really don't care if she sees what Im doing, I have been going on with my life and will continue to do so and I think blocking someone is juvenile , if you don't wanna see them then don't go looking for there **** If you truly don't care what she sees and you won't censor yourself and/or over analyze what you post to your social media sites, for fear of what she will think or whatever, then don't block. However, it's not juvenile to block the ex. It's helpful to move on with your life and not wonder -- is she thinking this or that because I posted x, y, z? It's good for peace of mind, and your peace of mind matters very much. I suggest you delete the number too. That way, when the urge strikes to reach out to her, it won't be easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 yeah I guess blocking her is probably for the best, I never did it yet because I hadn't blocked her yet and I guess I thought that she would think she still affects me if I change it now after she probably has already seen that I hadn't blocked her already. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I really don't care if she sees what Im doing, I have been going on with my life and will continue to do so and I think blocking someone is juvenile , if you don't wanna see them then don't go looking for there **** Finally, someone else who thinks the same way I do. I did block my ex temporarily because everyone here told me to, but honestly, I thought it was stupid & juvenile. I ended up unblocking him and I still never went searching for info on him. If you really have issues with self control, then block her, but if you don't, then don't block her. I did find out he unfriended me on FB and it hurt for about a day. Then I was just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 (edited) I'll try find the article later but I was reading in a psych journal a current study that actually proves during a break up having an ex blocked/unfriended and unable to see you on social media is correlated with higher levels of attraction. It actually said NOT having someone on social media, not just an ex, in general was correlated with higher levels of attraction and having access to someone's facebook was correlated with lower levels of attraction. It was a study done by a woman literally specializing in break up psychology. Seemed pretty legit, but i can't for the life of me remember her name i'll try find it again and post it up. Food for thought. I've blocked my recent ex on everything except phone number (deleted it and can't remember) so that's literally the only avenue she'd have to find out anything about me. Edited May 20, 2015 by hunk bah Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Finally, someone else who thinks the same way I do. I did block my ex temporarily because everyone here told me to, but honestly, I thought it was stupid & juvenile. I ended up unblocking him and I still never went searching for info on him. If you really have issues with self control, then block her, but if you don't, then don't block her. I did find out he unfriended me on FB and it hurt for about a day. Then I was just fine. Blocking isn't just for you, it's to block THEM from viewing you and trying to stay connected to what you're doing. Even a person who dumped you and never wants you back will still occasionally get bored and wonder what you're up to, especially if you vanished from their lives and are giving them no attention. I don't view it as childish. If someone doesn't want me in their lives, they are going to get it. We don't owe an ex anything including viewing any pictures or information on a social media site. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 ^ I completely agree with this. I used to think it was childish to block or unfriend - until I realized it was purely because I was subconsciously not letting myself completely let go of them. Keeping an ex on social media to appear nonchalant is just more game playing that shows you're still attached. Deleting them is the final frontier - it shows you don't give a **** anymore and are comfortable with having nothing to do with them, not knowing anything about their life or having them know anything about yours. There's ZERO reason to keep an ex on social media. Absolutely zero. You're not going to interact with them, you're not going to talk, you don't care what's happening in their life and vice versa. Anything but blocking is weak and foolish, why should they be able to see what's going on in your life? You have nothing to do with eachother anymore, zero ties, they aren't even a friend. They're irrelevant to your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 ^ I completely agree with this. I used to think it was childish to block or unfriend - until I realized it was purely because I was subconsciously not letting myself completely let go of them. Keeping an ex on social media to appear nonchalant is just more game playing that shows you're still attached. Deleting them is the final frontier - it shows you don't give a **** anymore and are comfortable with having nothing to do with them, not knowing anything about their life or having them know anything about yours. There's ZERO reason to keep an ex on social media. Absolutely zero. You're not going to interact with them, you're not going to talk, you don't care what's happening in their life and vice versa. Anything but blocking is weak and foolish, why should they be able to see what's going on in your life? You have nothing to do with eachother anymore, zero ties, they aren't even a friend. They're irrelevant to your life. Perfectly stated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SankeCoffee Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 valid points about blocking her. I went ahead and blocked her, she doesn't want me in her life, so no reason to give her to power to keep tabs on me...Good Riddance 4 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 ^ I completely agree with this. I used to think it was childish to block or unfriend - until I realized it was purely because I was subconsciously not letting myself completely let go of them. Keeping an ex on social media to appear nonchalant is just more game playing that shows you're still attached. Deleting them is the final frontier - it shows you don't give a **** anymore and are comfortable with having nothing to do with them, not knowing anything about their life or having them know anything about yours. There's ZERO reason to keep an ex on social media. Absolutely zero. You're not going to interact with them, you're not going to talk, you don't care what's happening in their life and vice versa. Anything but blocking is weak and foolish, why should they be able to see what's going on in your life? You have nothing to do with eachother anymore, zero ties, they aren't even a friend. They're irrelevant to your life. Disagree. If a person holds that much disdain over someone looking at your social media, it reeks of roots still planted in the relationship. Why would someone truly care if "they aren't even a friend" what they see? Blocking should only be used *for yourself* if you are the one having the issues. Anything else is a childish game... Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 (edited) I can see what you mean, frigginlost. I would argue that Facebook is meant for you to use as a tool to keep in touch with friends/people you give a **** about. When a relationship is over there are zero ties between you and your ex and zero reason to stay friends, thus zero reason to have eachother on social media. I don't want someone who dumped me keeping tabs on me - i don't want them in my life in any form. I have 2 exes on my friends list that I have not once interacted with online in ANY FORM, not even a "like" since breaking up many many years ago. Blocking them now would be weird because I'm completely indifferent. But in the early stages, when you're hurting, there's no other way. Keeping them on social media is just masochistic. Blocking is getting rid of them so you can just focus on healing and get used to them being completely, totally out of your life for good. That's not holding onto the relationship it's me just wanting that person indefinitely out of my life so I can move on. I guess I should add this is entirely situation dependent. I'm advocating blocking because I was told by my ex when she dumped me that I should kill myself, that she never wants to hear from me or see my face ever again and that even thinking about me infuriated her. Obviously blocking her was the best thing not only for myself but her in this situation. I wish there was an option that permanently disabled you from ever being able to interact with another person on facebook, even having my exes name in the blocked list means I have the option of unblocking her if i want. I wish I could just erase her permanently so this isn't even an option Edited May 20, 2015 by hunk eireirj 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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