What do you guys think?

[Jimmyjackson]

I seen this quote on someone's Facebook the other day and got me thinking.

 

"One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65,

you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.

However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find––

is they are not always with whom we spend our lives."

 

Do you think this is the case? We have that one person who dumps us and we always have something for them, no matter what happened? I'm pretty moved on from my ex I feel now but I still have feelings for her and worry I always will.

 

Or is this simply a case of rejection? The fire is only there because this person rejected us and we want what we can't have? What are people's opinions?

[erklat]

With the first part I agree. We often spend our lives with people we don't feel the

strongest passion for. There are multiple types of love.

 

About the second part, I think it's rejection. You can find what are you looking for if

you look hard and long enough.

[Satu]

From my journal:

 

"Love those who are given to you to love."

[dyna85]

I don't think the fire was sparked due to the rejection, because you likely felt the fire ignited within you while you were with the person. If it was just rejection, you wouldn't ever be able to get over not getting a job, or being rejected for a promotion or whatever. I mean, there are other forms of rejection we experience, and we move on from those rejections rather quickly in comparison to being broken hearted by someone we love and care for deeply.

 

I think the quote rings true, until you find someone who surpasses the person you're currently trying to get over.

 

Jimmyjackson, was it your first love? If so, I can almost guarantee you--unless you never leave the house--that you will find someone who will take your mind off her eventually.

 

The 'first love' situation is always the toughest, because there isn't really a reference point to recognize that it's possible to ever meet someone else. Once you meet that someone else, then it becomes tricky because if there's a breakup with that person, you know the likelihood is good that you'll find another person (given your past experience and meeting person #2) -- but you still worry. Every time you're broken hearted, you worry that there will be no next time. However, life is long and chances are you will...

 

Just gotta keep the faith... and not become discouraged by such a quote.

Edited May 19, 2015 by dyna85

[Jimmyjackson]

I don't think the fire was sparked due to the rejection, because you likely felt the fire ignited within you while you were with the person. If it was just rejection, you wouldn't ever be able to get over not getting a job, or being rejected for a promotion or whatever. I mean, there are other forms of rejection we experience, and we move on from those rejections rather quickly in comparison to being broken hearted by someone we love and care for deeply.

 

I think the quote rings true, until you find someone who surpasses the person you're currently trying to get over.

 

Jimmyjackson, was it your first love? If so, I can almost guarantee you--unless you never leave the house--that you will find someone who will take your mind off her eventually.

 

The 'first love' situation is always the toughest, because there isn't really a reference point to recognize that it's possible to ever meet someone else. Once you meet that someone else, then it becomes tricky because if there's a breakup with that person, you know the likelihood is good that you'll find another person (given your past experience and meeting person #2) -- but you still worry. Every time you're broken hearted, you worry that there will be no next time. However, life is long and chances are you will...

 

It was my first yes, and the girl i lost my virginity to. I've slept with 3 other girls since but nothing series. I agree with you, I have nothing to compare it to, I was her 5th boyfriend so she had already been through it before and had met others and knew this in the back of her mind.

 

I don't speak to her and the urge isn't there to be honest,

I just sometimes get scared thinking what if the fire is always there? The girl who i feel has something 'over' me will always feel like that. I dunno, I wouldn't mind dating someone now so I know the feeling wasn't a one off. I go out with friends to clubs and I can't seem to find a girl I'm interested in or who gives me those butterflies etc.

 

I have a job interview tomorrow in London and it's like 5 hours away from where I actually live so I'm a bit scared and thinking about the prospect of leaving the past behind is scary.

 

Sorry for the rambling, just feel the past holds me back from true happiness and I dunno what to do. Life was better before I had experienced heart break. I was so naive but more optimistic.

[aloneinaz]

I hear a lot of about couples who have amazing connection, chemistry, sex but simply can't get along. They are too similar beings. They end up "settling" for someone else that they do get along with and end up marrying them. They are happy in the marriage but do miss some of the things from the other relationship that made it so passionate and hot.

 

When we're older and have had several serious relationships under our belt, we do look back at the past girl friend who rocked our world in bed or was amazing in the kitchen, or was such a total sweet heart. The challenge is to meet someone that meets MOST of what we require in a healthy, loving relationship.

[Jimmyjackson]

I hear a lot of about couples who have amazing connection, chemistry, sex but simply can't get along. They are too similar beings. They end up "settling" for someone else that they do get along with and end up marrying them. They are happy in the marriage but do miss some of the things from the other relationship that made it so passionate and hot.

 

When we're older and have had several serious relationships under our belt, we do look back at the past girl friend who rocked our world in bed or was amazing in the kitchen, or was such a total sweet heart. The challenge is to meet someone that meets MOST of what we require in a healthy, loving relationship.

 

I felt she met most of what I required. Unfortunately for me the feeling wasn't mutual in the end.

[dyna85]

Well it makes sense that this experience still weighs on you heavily, but I speak from experience when I say it will get better.

 

Also, the past isn't holding you back from true happiness. It just makes you look at things a bit differently. However, you'll be more wiser for it. Trust me.

 

As awful as the breakup was from my first love, I wouldn't take it back for the world. As weird as that is to even write, it's true. Would I even be saying this if I hadn't met the guy I'm currently trying to get over? Yes. I have felt like this for several years now, because with time I realized that we were better off apart. That it was meant to be this way. I've grown so much and experienced so much, and am so thankful that I didn't continue on that path, when deep down I knew he wasn't who I wanted to be with, in the long run.

 

Such is destiny.

 

We can't control our fate, I feel.

 

I think the fact that the urge isn't there to communicate with her, says something. I didn't have an urge either, after the final words were spoken. It was just over and I was determined to move on, as painful as it was.

 

I remember I questioned if I would ever be over him, and it took a long time... but I did get over him, and you will get over this girl.

 

You're probably going to meet the next one when you least expect it.

 

Just like the theory is the ex makes contact when you least expect it, it also holds true like that for many things in life. When you let go and hold no expectations.. you open yourself up to greater possibilities.

 

I think it's great that you are taking a bit of a risk, by going the distance for the interview. Being scared is good. You're paving the way for more positive changes in your life.

 

No risk, no reward.

 

Better to be doing something rather than moping all the time. I like to mope while I still keep living. Then, at least there's a chance to make it out of the rut.

 

It sounds like you're understandably still healing and dealing with your emotions stemming from this breakup, but you're moving forward with your life, which is a good thing.

 

Try not to get too discouraged. It will be okay. Don't worry!

 

Sometimes it would be nice to be able to get a brief glimpse into the future, just for reassurance that we're not screwed for life.

 

I found a good quote recently: 'what a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet.'

 

It's true!! Just like I'm sure you never thought you'd meet your first love and have such good times with her, you can't predict the next time...

 

I can attest to better times ahead. I never thought I'd meet someone who would make me feel the way my ex did... but I met someone who connected with me even more deeply (or so I thought). That didn't work out either...lol. Sadly. However, who knows what the future holds...

 

Keep your head up.

[Jimmyjackson]

Well it makes sense that this experience still weighs on you heavily, but I speak from experience when I say it will get better.

 

Also, the past isn't holding you back from true happiness. It just makes you look at things a bit differently. However, you'll be more wiser for it. Trust me.

 

As awful as the breakup was from my first love, I wouldn't take it back for the world. As weird as that is to even write, it's true. Would I even be saying this if I hadn't met the guy I'm currently trying to get over? Yes. I have felt like this for several years now, because with time I realized that we were better off apart. That it was meant to be this way. I've grown so much and experienced so much, and am so thankful that I didn't continue on that path, when deep down I knew he wasn't who I wanted to be with, in the long run.

 

Such is destiny.

 

We can't control our fate, I feel.

 

I think the fact that the urge isn't there to communicate with her, says something. I didn't have an urge either, after the final words were spoken. It was just over and I was determined to move on, as painful as it was.

 

I remember I questioned if I would ever be over him, and it took a long time... but I did get over him, and you will get over this girl.

 

You're probably going to meet the next one when you least expect it.

 

Just like the theory is the ex makes contact when you least expect it, it also holds true like that for many things in life. When you let go and hold no expectations.. you open yourself up to greater possibilities.

 

I think it's great that you are taking a bit of a risk, by going the distance for the interview. Being scared is good. You're paving the way for more positive changes in your life.

 

No risk, no reward.

 

Better to be doing something rather than moping all the time. I like to mope while I still keep living. Then, at least there's a chance to make it out of the rut.

 

It sounds like you're understandably still healing and dealing with your emotions stemming from this breakup, but you're moving forward with your life, which is a good thing.

 

Try not to get too discouraged. It will be okay. Don't worry!

 

Sometimes it would be nice to be able to get a brief glimpse into the future, just for reassurance that we're not screwed for life.

 

I found a good quote recently: 'what a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet.'

 

It's true!! Just like I'm sure you never thought you'd meet your first love and have such good times with her, you can't predict the next time...

 

I can attest to better times ahead. I never thought I'd meet someone who would make me feel the way my ex did... but I met someone who connected with me even more deeply (or so I thought). That didn't work out either...lol. Sadly. However, who knows what the future holds...

 

Keep your head up.

 

This post made me feel really happy, thank you. I smiled reading it, it makes me feel a lot more optimistic about things

[todreaminblue]

I think that god puts people in our lives for a reason either to have and to hold or to teach us something.....

 

i used to hold a flame for my ex after we split i felt that flame would never go out.......i always kept it bright and alive......when it died to embers i would whisper to that flame and fan it..with memories and sweet thoughts.....and my love for him...his voice..........it would then flicker back to life ...and i did this for years i kept that flame alight......until one day i heard another voice....it caught my attention and while i was listening to that voice.....the fire went out and i looked at it and realized it was meant to go out.....i was meant to let it go......and it hurt to let go...but i did.....i had a new flame to care for.....so that flame still exists...but it isnt directed at anyone anymore the flame i have is for the life god gave me...because honestly i shouldnt be keeping the flame burning for anyone who doesnt want my flames.............its just me now with a flame for life and yep....sharing my love with someone who can keep flames lit like i can.....and my heart knows i am ready to move on.....i want to create a never ending bush fire....that can be seen and the warmth and brightness felt by not only me...but by someone else who loves me....deb

[dyna85]

I think that god puts people in our lives for a reason either to have and to hold or to teach us something.....

 

i used to hold a flame for my ex after we split i felt that flame would never go out.......i always kept it bright and alive......when it died to embers i would whisper to that flame and fan it..with memories and sweet thoughts.....and my love for him...his voice..........it would then flicker back to life ...and i did this for years i kept that flame alight......until one day i heard another voice....it caught my attention and while i was listening to that voice.....the fire went out and i looked at it and realized it was meant to go out.....i was meant to let it go......and it hurt to let go...but i did.....i had a new flame to care for.....so that flame still exists...but it isnt directed at anyone anymore the flame i have is for the life god gave me...because honestly i shouldnt be keeping the flame burning for anyone who doesnt want my flames.............its just me now with a flame for life and yep....sharing my love with someone who can keep flames lit like i can.....and my heart knows i am ready to move on.....i want to create a never ending bush fire....that can be seen and the warmth and brightness felt by not only me...but by someone else who loves me....deb

 

This. 1000%.

 

Put everything into words perfectly. Wow.

[dyna85]

This post made me feel really happy, thank you. I smiled reading it, it makes me feel a lot more optimistic about things

 

glad I could help you smile, Jimmy.

 

you'll be OK.

[Jimmyjackson]

On my way home from London. Think I fell in love with about 100 different girls haha. Being there made me realise there's so much more to life than pining over an ex! I just walked around endlessly on my own for ages!

[Meli22]

You don't necessarily hold a flame for them forever, but you don't forget them. I still remember my ex from years ago, no feelings at all though. But he pops into my mind now and then.

[darkmoon]

ppl change over time, my first love and how i missed him, turned up six years later i bumped into him, i had fallen out of love, i had lived a whole other life, as he had

 

so we were not the same two ppl

[preraph]

I think that's mostly quite true. There are a lot of people we can love but not live with without ruining the love.

[aloneinaz]

You don't necessarily hold a flame for them forever, but you don't forget them. I still remember my ex from years ago, no feelings at all though. But he pops into my mind now and then.

 

As a country we are nostalgic people. We often long for past times when things were simpler and appeared easier. I think most of us over 40 look back at GF's from decades ago with smiles on our faces and in some cases, relief that we are no longer with them! lol

 

That's what the kids on this site need to recognize and understand. They are going thru their first real break up and it hurts. There's a reason why we have to try on different people to see who fits and what we like and don't like.

 

I talk to a couple ex's from 20 years ago on FB every once in a while. They are like HS friends who are fun to catch up with. I'd never date them again but still care about them and hope they are doing well and are happy.