amkxoxo Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 So I need some help. I need a solid outside opinion on my situation. So a guy friend and I have been getting closer and closer. We joke around and talk almost everyday. We take walks together and its just a friendship to me. I only want to be his friend. We respect each other, and surprisingly we don't have a lot in common but we have so much fun talking. I don't like him at all in a romantic way. I have mentioned an ex boyfriend I am still thinking about occasionally to him. The other night he and I went to a party together with some friends. We had a great time. We drank a bit of alcohol and he drove me home. He came upstairs to my place and we were watching a movie. We have done this before and its been no big deal. We were talking and joking around and watching the movie. The night progressed on and before we knew it joking turned into light touching and then holding hands and then kissing. We ended up making out in my bed. We would make out and then we would talk for a while and then make out some more. I still didn't have feelings for him. I still don't. I told him so. He told me he liked me, but he didn't think we would ever be good together in a relationship. We made things clear. But the situation was so unclear at the same time. I made it clear I didn't like him at all and even told him I had feelings for other people, old flames of mine. He said he didn't care and it wasn't serious for him either. Some clothes came off and I also told him I wouldn't have sex with him. He said I was a nice girl and he didn't expect me to. He said he was fine with not having sex and just kissing and stuff. More clothes came off and he and I were pretty much almost naked. We kissed a lot and made out and touched each other a lot. He was so nice to me, and I trusted him since we had become good friends. This lasted practically all night. We talked about maybe doing this casually, no sex, unless either of us found people we wanted to be with officially and then we would stop. We talked about never doing it again. Our situation was in limbo. He said it could be a one night thing, or we could casually make out some times since we were both single. I was raised very conservatively. I'm a virgin, not a nun, but a nice girl. I don't take guys home and let them sleep with me. But I have had a few guys that I have dated that I have done some stuff with. I'm 23, hormonal, and curious. Waking up the next day he and I talked a bit and it was kind of awkward. We have been texting since like normal with some joking around. Some really light flirting, but nothing serious. I told him I was unsure if I wanted anything to happen again. He said that was fine, and our regular friendship could persist like usual. I told him I was unsure. I am unsure. He isn't my type at all. I feel like a slut. I feel like he and others are judging me or will judge me. I don't want to seem like some easy girl that is okay with casually being available to my guy friends. I don't want future boyfriends to judge me, if I tell them I fooled around with a guy friend. I feel dirty, letting someone I wasn't dating or going to be in a relationship with touch me and see me pretty much naked. Maybe I shouldn't have let it get far. I went with it willingly. But then my rational side keeps telling me that what I did was fine. I have girl friends who lost their virginity when they were 16 and have been sleeping with men since. I didn't even do that. I'm still a virgin and don't plan on having sex anytime soon. I consider myself a nice, sweet girl. People know me as that, and I feel like if they knew what I did with my friend, they would think I was a slut or no nice and cute anymore. Even if I had sex with my friend, I am 23 and smart enough to make that decision. I feel ashamed. I feel like as much and he and I are still friends after this, we might not always be because this situation might catch up to us. I'm terrified. I don't want to be with him, but I don't know if I might want to do physical stuff with him again. I feel like its a bad idea, but I liked what we did. I'm so confused. Any advice, opinions?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 (edited) I feel...I feel...I feel...I feel... What do you want advice on? I mean, its all in your head--even you know that. It all comes down to 2 choices: 1. Use your logical mind and just stop feeling that way. 2. Go against your biology and embrace your puritanical upbringing. I mean your religion has some sort of absolution correct? Confession or something? If you choose what you've been taught, turn to it to make yourself feel better. Or again, just use logic and stop feeling that way. Edited May 20, 2015 by WhatYouWantToHear 1
preraph Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I mean, it sounds like you're basically having sex but just not intercourse. I never saw the point in that except for birth control purposes. It's not chaste if you're getting each other off. And things like oral and hand things are really more intimate than just having intercourse. You say you're not interested in him, but you LOVE being with him and you were willing to get naked and basically have sex with him. So I realize you're still hung up on your ex. But you have a guy here you seem to like, so I think one day you will look back and wonder why you were wasting this. If you aren't attracted to him, then you wouldn't want to be touching him. If you do everything but intercourse, sex is probably going to be very anticlimatic for you when you do have intercourse. Because the heavy petting and foreplay are actually more fun for most people than just humping. I think you need to re-examine what you want at this point in your life. You're wasting your most attractive years, which don't last long, trying to be a virgin but you're not really being chaste at all. If you were my daughter, I'd put you on birth control pills pronto.
Mike78tan Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 What do you want advice on? I mean, its all in your head--even you know that. It all comes down to 2 choices: 1. Use your logical mind and just stop feeling that way. 2. Go against your biology and embrace your puritanical upbringing. I mean your religion has some sort of absolution correct? Confession or something? If you choose what you've been taught, turn to it to make yourself feel better. Or again, just use logic and stop feeling that way. I agree with that. You have choice to do something about this situation.
Recommended Posts