how did you know when the end came?

[minimariah]

for all of you who fell out of love & stopped loving your partner at some point - how did you know? what was that one "AHA!" moment when you truly knew that it was OVER?

[misspond]

After many months, if not years of struggling with this very question, "Do I still love you?" he was involved in a fight in the early hours of the morning after going out drinking (the going out drinking wasn't unusual, getting into a fight was) and woke me at 6am to tell me.

 

As I woke our two small children to get them and him into the car so that I could take him to the local A&E department at the hospital I realised that I did not care anymore. The love was gone. A month later we split up.

[Minnie09]

I lost respect throughout the m and it took a while to emotionally disengage and not care. I turned from angry / sad / desperate / disappointed into indifferent. And I was always happier when he traveled.

[Satu]

When I realised that I'd done everything I could to fix things, and that nothing more could be done.

 

I felt free to move on at that point.

[garfish99]

He was wonderful for 9 years and then he turned into a monster. We were supposed to be in an open relationship.After he started seeing someone, he stopped having sex with me. I knew it was over when he told me that the reason why he stopped sleeping with me was because he had led the other woman to believe that we were broken up. He told the woman he was not sleeping with anyone else and he didn't want to lie to her, so he stopped having sex with me. He coldly said he knew he was cheating on her spritually, but that he didn't really care about her anyway.

[Toodaloo]

When I realised that I'd done everything I could to fix things, and that nothing more could be done.

 

I felt free to move on at that point.

 

This pretty much sums it up.

 

THe last one for me was after I had put in so much effort, exhausted myself and was still no further on. It was a long succession of things that happened.

 

I needed to get away from him, I went to spend a week with my best friend. She didn't know all the detail but I don't think she needed to.

 

She asked if I loved him I replied no with out even needing to think.

 

Her father and I were watching rugby together and he just quietly asked if I was going to stay with my ex. I said no. Again without thinking.

 

Instead of friends and family at home who had been nagging me to leave for around 2/ 3 years at this point. They just quietly asked the right questions so I could hear my own answers.

 

I didn't have to kick him out in the end. He was gone by the time I got back.

[Got it]

for all of you who fell out of love & stopped loving your partner at some point - how did you know? what was that one "AHA!" moment when you truly knew that it was OVER?

 

Yes I had a few moments the last year of my first marriage. While there were other signs throughout it, these moments really stood out. First, I was walking the dogs and I realized that I really wanted to have a child, but how I didn't want the child with him (he didn't want kids and had reaffirmed that). He was so paranoid about the world, life, and didn't handle stress and I didn't want him to help raise a child to be like that.

 

We bought the house we did because it was the house he wanted and I wanted him to finally be happy. He was not happy. I agreed to get the dogs partly because I wanted him to have something to do; to have a purpose. And that he wouldn't be alone.

 

He didn't do anything, no exercise, no friends, nothing. And was convinced he had one ailment or another. One day I came home and he told me he thought he was having a heart attack. I rushed him to the hospital, they ran tests, nothing. They asked him, on a scale of 1-10 what is the pain level. He said a two. I am sitting there fuming thinking I have menstrual cramps worse than a two and this is what he is "dying" over!?!

 

I asked him, for my birthday, the gift I wanted was him going to therapy. He didn't and didn't remember me asking that when I brought it up months later.

 

When I was traveling for work and I realized how much happier I was sitting alone in a hotel room than being at home. I could relax. When I was home, we were there but we had nothing to talk about.

 

And feeling like I was drowning. I kept envisioning being in the ocean and I am responsible for having keeping him afloat emotionally and I was just too tired, I needed to save myself.

 

Nothing I could do could make him happy, he was not happy and hadn't been a very long time and wouldn't do anything about it. No matter what I suggested, pushed, asked, etc.

 

One other moment was a time in our life, running our own business where I realized that it was the happiest time of my life and one of the most stressful and miserable for him.

[still_an_Angel]

My stbxh was vocal with everybody that he is done with 2 kids, but he went one step cruel when he said that "if she gets pregnant again it won't be mine" it was a double stab because I was pregnant and couldn't tell him at the time because I knew how he felt about another child. But telling people that it won't be his was a total slap. At that point I was ready to walk, the baby was unplanned but I am going to keep it, without his help was more preferable for me. I actually told him to get out of the birthing room and my in-laws thought I was a b**** for wanting him out.

[GoldieLox]

Last year I realized I loved my husband, but was not in love with him anymore. There was no more spark, our sex life was severely lacking, and stress had overtaken our lives. The feelings absolutely terrified me, so instead of pulling up my big girl pants and dealing with them, I went out an had an affair instead and prolonged what I knew what was coming- a decision. THAT was truly the beginning of the end for me, the AHA moment... because it's something I never envisioned myself doing or thought capable of myself doing. Looking back, it's almost like "What the f*&k were you actually thinking?"

 

Now, over a year and a D-Day (by choice) later, I struggle to fall in love with my husband again. He says he is still in love with me more than ever. I just feel the need to be alone. I want nothing more than to fall in love with him again. I planned on being married to him until I was old and wrinkled. But I can't force feelings. And now I struggle with what to do.

[sportygirl89]

I had just run two fire calls, and my squad was taking care of the firefighters to make sure they didn't have a heart attack or other medical issues. One fire was even in distance to my station had anything gone off our building and anything else in the area would have been gone including us. I texted my exboyfriend telling him I was safe and I'd let him when I got home and was actually safe. I risked my life those days to take care of others (I'm an EMT). No response, then ex boyfriend went on a guy weekend trip. I still think that his best friend had everything to do with our break up. He was spending so much time with him. Three days later I was too meet with my friends (another couple). He stood me up (waiter felt bad for me and knew what was about to happen so far, so they gave me a drink on the house). The next day he came over and broke up with me with out an explanation. It took almost a year and a half to get any type of closure, and he only did that to release his conscience, his words not mine). He was my first love and serious relationship. I wish I wouldn't had gone out with him, so I could've been with someone more appreciative of a kind and sweet girl. Meeting him has changed me. I have no interest in dating since him (he walked out while I was sick which was the other part). A small ounce of me still loves him, but I can't make him love me. So until I find someone really awesome I won't be dating, too much heart ache. The three day pause was when I knew, and him standing me up in front of friends at the time was when I woke up and realized what was happening. I tried to fight for him after it but it didn't work and he became vindictive then that was truly the end for me.

[Gloria25]

I can't say I've ever been in love, but for me, the sign I know it's over is when I no longer desire to have sex with them and start working on having sex with another guy.

 

When I'm into a guy, no other guy can get my attention and/or hornies...so, for me, the sign is when I'm seeing other men that I want to boink.

 

Like right now, I've stopped getting horny for other dude and now having hornies for new dude I'm working on...worst, I could care less if dude sees me chatting him up.

 

So, that's also another sign...when I could care less if dude thinks or knows I'm searching for a replacement.

[autumnnight]

It was a slow death by a thousand cuts that got deeper and deeper over time. I hoped I was wrong, then I hoped it would get better, then I tried to stop hoping. Every time there seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel, I let myself open up again, only to discover the light snuffed out or that it was a train. I begged and pleaded, asked, cried, tried to be stoic. I noticed that each time there was a crisis my hope died more, my upset became less, and his feeble attempts to change anything were less and shorter. Finally I stopped asking. I no longer wanted. My feelings and love and respect and desire to be in the same room with him were dead. The day I went to the lawyer's office, I felt the first bit of relief I had felt in years.

[oldshirt]

I wasn't married but I had been in a LTR for several years in my mid 20s. I had been growing less and less connected and invested in the relationship and had reached a point I knew I didn't want to stay with her but just hadn't mustered up the giblets to end it yet.

 

A married woman who was dissatisfied in her M and I had started fooling around on the downlow and that had been going on for a month or so.

 

One night things came to a head with the GF and she said, "I know you are seeing someone else because you are the happiest you have been in a long time."

 

I stood there letting all the ramifications of that statement sink in and realized she was right. At that moment was when I had clarity that it was over and that it was best for both of us to end it and move on.

[kturner16]

I realized it was over when I was crying literally every day in the month of February and my ex boyfriend said to me, "C'mon, you've been crying everyday for a month, when are going to just leave?"

 

Needless to say, I didn't leave and less than a month later he broke things off with me.

 

I had hope that things would get better. Love is blind.

[cocorico]

When he kicked the dog.

[ScarlettDaisy]

When I allowed myself to become involved with another man. OM said all the things I needed to hear from my XH. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. I was too afraid to just leave so instead I destroyed my marriage.