ostrich Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I've known my now ex girlfriend for 5 years and we've dated and been super close for 3. I helped her through some really trying times in her life and we lived together for 2 years. We're both 23 and met in college. After finishing college I went on to Med School and she went back home and while at school we had 4 hours distance between us. We planned to live together once I was finished school as well. We would see each other every other weekend while I was in school but with the demanding schedule I had, we often had dry conversations and I didn't have tons of time to talk. She used to complain about being miserable at home since her parents moved to a new state while she was in college and now that she was home she didn't know anyone her age there. Well she met a guy at work and then through him met a lot of new girlfriends and guy friends. I've always been nothing but trusting of her and encouraged her to make friends because we had such a close relationship, so I was excited for her that she would now have some friends at home. So Valentines day comes along and I drove down to her house and she gave me my gift and card like a couple would. We went on a date etc but things did feel a little off. The card, however, said she was so happy to spend another Valentines day with me and that she loves me more with every passing day. Well a week or so goes by and she's been going to bonfires, shooting, mudding and having a lot of fun with the people she just met which I was nothing but happy for her cause she was happy. Then one day she text me after I had finished doing some work and said we needed to talk. So she called me and said she wanted a break for a week but wanted to still text each other good night and say we loved each other but other than that not talk for the week. Well after the week was up she said she didn't feel like things had changed and wanted to fully break up. She said she loved me but wasn't in love with me and couldn't see herself really being sexual with me anymore and that she now needed space. Well I told her how much I loved her, cried a bit (very out of my character, she always said I was like a robot emotionally) and then once a week for a month I would break down and smother her cause I kept seeing her with this guy and I felt I was losing her. After a while I do some reading, and read about GIGS and the NC rule so I gave it a try after a month of begging. Also right after the break up I messaged both her parents telling them how much I loved their daughter and thanked them for all the great memories and all they had done for me. They said they were sorry for how things went and that it was obviously out of their control and wished me well. The break up overall was civil and I only had one bad night where I called her the c word and lost it but this was a one time thing and I was very drunk. Other than that I just told her how much I loved her and hoped eventually we could talk. She said she would sit down with me after my semester and we would see how things were but I haven't heard from her. The guy is also very different from me, he's a hick, loves guns, fishing etc. Not something my now ex girlfriend typically would go for. She posts pictures with him where his arm is around her but nothing more than that, although I'm sure they've slept together. They don't seem super serious but hang out most weekends and see each other at work. Currently I'm at 44 days of no contact and haven't heard from her. She blocked me, my family and all my friends on all social media, but I realized that she logs into my Facebook on average 3 times a day, she'll even do it while she's with the new guy. I've since slept with 4 people (all rebounds and not anyone I'm interested in dating) and sometimes 2 of them will message me on Facebook and then she'll Facebook stalk them a bit. What's the deal?
Author ostrich Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 After writing that I logged into my moms Facebook and typed in the chat my name and it showed that I was logged in... I know it's her too cause I used to be a computer programmer and was able to trace the ip's logging into my account back to her house/cell phone and even the guys house occasionally
No Limit Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 College romances rarely last; much less last happily. Sorry for the pain, but give it some time (and stay NC forever) and it will cease.
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Currently I'm at 44 days of no contact and haven't heard from her. She blocked me, my family and all my friends on all social media, but I realized that she logs into my Facebook on average 3 times a day, she'll even do it while she's with the new guy. I've since slept with 4 people (all rebounds and not anyone I'm interested in dating) and sometimes 2 of them will message me on Facebook and then she'll Facebook stalk them a bit. What's the deal? "I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to want him, either." One of the oldest stories in the book, but the bottom line is that she still doesn't want you. You have a bright future, so plunge into it and move on. Four of them, eh? You sure didn't waste any time.
Author ostrich Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 "I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to want him, either." One of the oldest stories in the book, but the bottom line is that she still doesn't want you. You have a bright future, so plunge into it and move on. Four of them, eh? You sure didn't waste any time. I like to say "word got around that I was single and then I got around." I'm a really good looking kid (especially compared to the guys I go to school with), beyond driven, I run my own business and make decent money doing it and I'm in med school so women tend to flock to me. All 4 came to me and I've been hurting so I wasn't going to say no, one of them was actually the day after the break up and the last one has been trying to get me to date her officially (even though she knows what the deal is) but I know for a fact I'm not ready to move on as I'm very much still in love with my ex and I just keep hoping to hear from her some time soon. I've kept myself though from looking at her stuff as much as possible and when I see things I don't hurt but I still really miss her. I did just meet someone yesterday though who I kind of like so I guess we'll see how that goes. I just don't get how she can leave me like that for someone she just met and not look back after all we were through in the last 5 years.
Author ostrich Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 College romances rarely last; much less last happily. Sorry for the pain, but give it some time (and stay NC forever) and it will cease. My birthday is in about a week as well, and it's had me nervous. I don't know whether I'll hear from her or not and either way I feel like will suck. It'll suck to hear from her cause I know she's not going to say she misses me or anything and it would hurt to not hear from her as well. If she does text me or something saying happy birthday, should I just ignore it or reply with a thanks. Ignoring makes me think she may think I'm bitter but might make her go crazy since I'm sure she'd expect me to be excited to finally hear from her and saying thanks might make me seem like she did me a favor and relieve her of some guilt if she has any.
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 If she does text me or something saying happy birthday, should I just ignore it or reply with a thanks. Ignoring makes me think she may think I'm bitter but might make her go crazy since I'm sure she'd expect me to be excited to finally hear from her and saying thanks might make me seem like she did me a favor and relieve her of some guilt if she has any. You've read the NC stuff; you know how this works. While it might seem entirely appropriate to respond with a simple "thanks", you won't be doing yourself any favors. You might be tempted to say more, she might be tempted to respond, and none of this is going to heal you any faster.
Author ostrich Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 Yeah you're right, I guess until I hear something that shows me she really wants to try and this other guy is out of the picture I won't reply to anything she sends me, if anything and I'll keep having my fun with whatever woman come my way in the mean time and maybe I'll find one I really like and then not care. I do make sure these woman know up front though it's nothing more than sex and hanging out though (don't think I'm here breaking a bunch of hearts cause I know what it's like to be on the other side obviously) but they still keep catching feelings but none of them are my ex and I'm not healed I know.
Author ostrich Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 Well my birthday came and went and I never heard from her. It sucked but I had an awesome time out with a bunch of friends. After that I decided I was tired of her checking up on me so I changed my passwords on all my social media accounts and made them all private. She seemed to have reacted a little to it as she posted something about seeing an ex for the first time right after I did it. She also doesn't seem to be seeing the guy much at all anymore and spent last weekend out with a girlfriend. As for me I've been casually dating a 5th girl and doing my best to move forward. I still miss my ex like crazy and still have hope of hearing from her soon but I'm not holding my breath. Little over 2 months of NC now which hasn't been terribly hard as I get a lot of female attention but haven't found anyone who compares to my ex yet and still unfortunately haven't given up complete hope of hearing from her 1
aloneinaz Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I'm not sure why you wanted to hear from this girl who lost interest in that relationship, met someone else and then dumped you. It sounds like she is young and wants to sow her oats while experiencing other guys. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You need to change your internal dialogue. Telling yourself you want her back and miss her isn't helping you to put her in the rear view mirror. That relationship is over, done and stick a fork in it.. You have all those good things you mentioned going for you. Go enjoy yourself. Keeping dating and sowing your oats. When you heal from this ex, you'll run into another girl who rocks your world and will forget this one.
Chi townD Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Well my birthday came and went and I never heard from her. It sucked but I had an awesome time out with a bunch of friends. After that I decided I was tired of her checking up on me so I changed my passwords on all my social media accounts and made them all private. She seemed to have reacted a little to it as she posted something about seeing an ex for the first time right after I did it. She also doesn't seem to be seeing the guy much at all anymore and spent last weekend out with a girlfriend. As for me I've been casually dating a 5th girl and doing my best to move forward. For a person in NC you sure know a hell of a lot about what your Ex is doing! Dude, that's not NC. 4
Mrin Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 For a person in NC you sure know a hell of a lot about what your Ex is doing! Dude, that's not NC. This. You have to stop firing those neurons man! Move on and just know that five years from now she will cry uncontrollably to her friends sobbing, "I could have had a doctor..." 1
No Limit Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Bite your finger whenever you find yourself even thinking about clicking on your exes social media. I know it's hard to resist when all that information is just a few clicks away but it nonetheless slows down your process of moving forward. A girl comparing to her? Why would you want a girl that will leave you after a few years and cheats? Raise the bar a little, find a girl BETTER than her. 1
Author ostrich Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 I'm not sure why you wanted to hear from this girl who lost interest in that relationship, met someone else and then dumped you. It sounds like she is young and wants to sow her oats while experiencing other guys. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You need to change your internal dialogue. Telling yourself you want her back and miss her isn't helping you to put her in the rear view mirror. That relationship is over, done and stick a fork in it.. You have all those good things you mentioned going for you. Go enjoy yourself. Keeping dating and sowing your oats. When you heal from this ex, you'll run into another girl who rocks your world and will forget this one. I'm sure that will happen but for now I'm definitely not completely healed, and I'm actively trying to meet someone to fill that void which I think is making me come off wrong so I'm not getting girls to the caliber I'm used to and thus why no one yet is measuring up to my ex. For a person in NC you sure know a hell of a lot about what your Ex is doing! Dude, that's not NC. No you're right up until my birthday which wasn't that long ago I was checking her social media quite often but never was reaching out to her (i.e. no phone calls, texts, emails etc). After not hearing from her on my birthday I got mad and a few days after told myself I was no longer going to check her social media and I've been sticking to that. Haven't logged into any social media actually in days now. This. You have to stop firing those neurons man! Move on and just know that five years from now she will cry uncontrollably to her friends sobbing, "I could have had a doctor..." You're probably right especially since the guy she originally left for was a factory worker with nothing really going for himself
Author ostrich Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 God is great, went to a bar tonight and a very attractive girl I knew from high school approached me and started conversation with me. Ended up getting her number and she was very adamant about hanging out soon. She is someone I definitely find very attractive and hope to be able to get to know and possibly date. For the past 2 weeks I've stopped checking up on what my ex has been doing and in the past 3 months of not talking to her I've been working out a lot. Confidence is back 10 fold and hoping this new girl works out Been casually dating 2 other girls but neither am I very attracted to nor interested in seriously dating but they're fun nonetheless. Ex girlfriend has been on my mind still a lot but the pain has subsided and I'm moving forward, I'll always have love for her but for now it's time to move on. Hope things play out well with the girl I just reconnected with tonight
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