BoatingBabe Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 Well, I have resisted any attempt he's made to take our relationship outside the barrier of work. We did go out once, with other people, and we couldn't have been more apart....both of us obviously scared to do anything. However; his attention has not slowed down, now he's touching me a lot whenever I say something to him jokingly,...and I admit that is my fault, because he is extremely humorous and makes me laugh all the time...so we have witty exchange everyday. We work different shifts, and he's always in front of my office at the start of my shift, waiting to see where the conversation will lead for the day. He NEVER leaves work without touching base with me, and If I'm involved with meetings or whatever, he will stay late to ensure we are in contact. It's like he needs his "fix"before going home. Whenever he hears of a date I go on, or a man who is interested, his jealousy is frightening, then he goes into denial and states, I have no one, because I couldn't obviously be with someone else when I'm so obviously his. (this is his probably his psycho side in his althernate reality world where he thinks we're actually a couple) I read the posts here everyday, and I must say, this is what keeps me strong, reading the stories and seeing how similar the lines he feeds me is amazing. He continues to say they are unhappy, how he is leaving her, blah blah blah...but he knows I don't buy any of it.... His wife once visited him, and he "hid" her in his office, I wasn't there yet, but I still found out about it...didn't talk to him for a day, then I found him in my office decorating my pc with post it notes and smiley faces....I just don't know what his goal is when I have stated time and time again I WOULD NEVER GIVE A MARRIED MAN A CHANCE. It falls upon deaf ears...I will not make a complaint against him, because he does have my friendship, and I wouldn't screw him over in that way...But this is getting to be hard on me, in trying to control my feelings. I still have a handle on them, but maybe not a year from now.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 At least you know what you are walking into, and are well aware of what your future most likely holds. What are your goals for this relationship? If things could go 100% your way, what would the relationship be like now? A year from now?
johan Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 I once had an emotional affair with a married woman that turned physical. It culminated with sex at my place one day after work. Doing that erased the fantasy. I realized that I was playing a part in the destruction of her family. She was falling for me and she wanted more. Her little girls were cute. Her husband was a good guy. I realized I didn't really respect her. I was just excited by her. The thought of ever being with her again became repulsive to me. I cut off contact. He thinks you're his, because it's clear you like him. I think it's probably too much to expect you to stop what's going on, because you've known better from the start. So I hope you get over the fantasy before it goes too far.
Author BoatingBabe Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 Johan, it's not my fantasy, my feet are on the floor, I know he's married, I know I won't let it get physical. It's really his fantasy, and probably his escape from his married life. I try to stop it every monday, every week I say I have to shut him out....it just never works with him. Lucrezia, I am trying not to walk into it...I am fighting it, I do get caught into the laughs often, and I know it's a dangerous game...but I will continue fighting it until he gives up....and then I'll miss the attention I suppose for some time...but I'll feel good about myself for not falling. As for what I want a year from now, hopefully, I"ll be involved with a SG and in love...or he'll be divorced and maybe I'll be dating him...(not that I am hoping for that, or even believe it would happen)
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 I try to stop it every monday, every week I say I have to shut him out....it just never works with him. You DO have the power and control. He doesn't. He is right now loving the thrill of the chase...The wonder of it all, possible 'first' kiss etc...That is what is keeping him going - And I'm sure he is CONVINCED sooner or later you'll crumble to his needs soon. DON'T DO IT. Don't fall for it. Be strong!!!
followingthru Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 do you think your "EA" with this guy inhibits your ability to meet an available, single guy? i do. b/c of your feelings for him, the guys you meet just don't measure up, do they? i don't think it is any good for either of you that he has your friendship. i think you need to put a serious end to it. i don't know what your job is, but is it possible to transfer? if it is serious enough to be messing up your dating life, and for you to even consider filing a complaint, you really should distance yourself from it.
Author BoatingBabe Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 Followingthru, you are possibly right...I don't want to transfer because I happen to love my job and I don't want a man to be a reason that I leave when I'm so happy working there. As for dating, you may possibly be right, but I do date occasionally, and even see someone on a regular basis, but they don't measure up to something I want to get serious with. I think he knows he has the edge on that too, being he sees me everyday. And I do want it to stop, yet I feel bad being rude...This week I"m going to try locking the door to my office. He likes to sneak up behind me while I'm working and scare the crap out of me, it's really annoying, but I suppose he gets a rise out of that. That will be the reason I use to keep my door locked until I know he's gone home.....Part of me thinks this is a lame attempt at keeping him out, because I know he'll keep knocking or whatever to ensure he makes contact with me, but I suppose I have to do what I can to build some sort of distance.
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 And I do want it to stop, yet I feel bad being rude... B, you don't have to be rude about it though. You can just be honest and tell him to please stop and how unfair this is to you. He on the otherhand... We work different shifts, and he's always in front of my office at the start of my shift, waiting to see where the conversation will lead for the day. He NEVER leaves work without touching base with me, and If I'm involved with meetings or whatever, he will stay late to ensure we are in contact. It's like he needs his "fix"before going home. Whenever he hears of a date I go on, or a man who is interested, his jealousy is frightening, then he goes into denial and states, I have no one, because I couldn't obviously be with someone else when I'm so obviously his. (this is his probably his psycho side in his althernate reality world where he thinks we're actually a couple) Is acting freaky! This is not normal behaviour. His jealously and fantasy thoughts are getting out of control. That in itself is enough to make me see the red flags there! What you describe there is something you have to really pay attention to.
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