PogoStick Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Even by my 30s I can tell a considerable difference from that 18 y/o peak. Any guys here in their 20s responding just don't get it. There is no 15-30 minute recovery time anymore. An hour or two is reasonable but having several hours rest makes round 2 much better. Also, it now makes a difference whether I had sex in the last day or two (masturbation included). If I'm planning a sex filled weekend then it helps to hold off for several days, even an entire week if I really want a wild weekend. I can tell you as a high level collegiate sprinter that even at 20 y/o the intensity of the training could definitely take it out of me. No doubt a 40 y/o could over train at the gym. Condoms and alcohol are extreme disruptions now. I avoid even 1 beer if I'm planning a night of sex. SSRIs destroy a man's sexlife, and for many women too. Seriously suggest they try Wellbutrin as an alternative. 1 in 4 guys do NOT respond to Viagra type medications, so it's not manageable for some people. On the plus side, I may not jump you for round 2 after 15 minutes, but I have much better control than that 18 y/o anyways. We can just keep going 30 minutes straight through. And I've already learned just the right spot to kiss, rub, bite, and lick 1
kaylan Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Never really had an issue keeping an erection so long as I dont masturbate too much. If I was to have an issue regularly with getting it up, itd mean I wasnt really attracted to the woman I was with. 1
bentleychic Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Can't say I've dealt with that yet. I generally go for mid to late 40's guys. Most recent used to watch porn and do a lot of self gratification b/c he wasn't getting it elsewhere and has a high drive (and is a BIG guy (unhealthy/out of shape is probably what you guys would call it), but it hasn't seemed to bother him negatively at all. May just be the guys in particular that you've dealt with. I don't think I'd suggest meds to someone I'd only been intimate with twice, though.
Gary S Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I've actually run into quite a few instances of limp-dick, but it's always been from performance anxiety and intimidation. My secret weapon if it ever happens is just to ignore it initially to take the focus off and then eventually put my ass in their face. Literally. Works every time. Most of the psychological issues can be overcome thru spontanaeity and being easy going and silly. - This is part of the answer. Also, remember that the women are older too, and not as attractive (sorry), and men tend to be more visual. Medications can be a problem also. Finally, they call Viagra the miracle pill - it is.
SmartDude Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Are you a woman who's not on the pill? Hormone preventions like this can be an absolute shocker for a woman, as in mood swings, and it's usually something we only consider when we're in a long-term relationship. Plus, condoms are a better bet early on because STD's are a real thing. Man up boys and love the latex. Im fine with condoms now, as long as I put them on, and not a partner. Women will be complaining like "Don't you find my sexy, Aren't you into it?" ...Meanwhile the condom will have multiple folds in it so that I feel nothing. And if there is some momentary dryness on her part that can put folds in the condom as well. Then you can TRY and make it smooth again, but that never works. So you have to stop and suggest a fresh condom without making her mad.The Thing has to be on right or a guy literally feels nothing. A lot of women think it is just a minor issue and don't see why guys make a big fuss about it...Which makes me laugh.
gaius Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 The difficulty is it's a tricky conversation to navigate. I recently broke things off with a man who had this problem (ED) but in reality he "just wasn't that into" me. Sad but true. The way that he *handled* his ED was to not refer to it, not want to talk to me about it (I did try as sensitively as I could but he wasn't willing to talk about it) but he also didn't say, "OMG, this has never happened before...." so it seemed clear that this was a long-term thing for him. Testosterone? Psychological? I'm going to surmise a mixture of both. Whatever it was I just wasn't going to float his boat. That wasn't the only reason I drew a line under us meeting again as I'd like to think that I'm an understanding person, but it did mean that neither one of us was particularly happy. And if you're not enjoying something then.... You see, that makes sense. The penis not going up because the guy isn't into the woman for whatever reason. Just like most of the time if a woman doesn't get wet there's some attraction issue on her end. Glad you didn't buy into any of the bad excuses. Whatever his problem was. SmartDude, I wear condoms all the time and I didn't have anxiety even the first time I put one on when I didn't know how. There's something else going on in your head that you don't want to face or come to terms with.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Masturbation using pornography has definitely been a factor of ED with 2 of the guys I've had sex with in my life. The other guy I was with was just nervous because it was our first few times together - but once I made him feel comfy and diverted his attention away from his temporary ED and directed his focus on my body (like Jen was saying) and to the things I was doing to myself and then to him, he became rock hard and then omg, had no more problems after that! Every guy is going to have their moment when they can't "rise" to the occasion, in much the same way that every woman is going to have a moment when they're not wet and ready to go...it could be because of too much alcohol, nervousness, guys masturbating to porn wayy too much, women not being properly stimulated and turned on before the main event, their partner's body not being sexually attractive enough to turn them on (a la Gary's comment) and this applies to GUYS as well as women. I've seen a few guys naked whose bodies were flabby, out of shape and whose penises were um, on the small side (length & circumference) and were shaped weird or that were not circumsized. For a woman (at least for me), that would be a severe turn off, which would make me not get as wet or aroused, if at all. Another poster mentioned a guy not feeling any sensation while wearing a condom. I'm sure this could be a possibility as well that could be a contributing factor to a guy's ED. If a guy is attractive sexually in my eyes and he had ED, I'd be totally sensitive to it and would do other things to arouse him - which in turn would arouse me. If that didn't work and every time we were together he couldn't get it up, then I'd end things. If I'm in a LTR with a guy already before this starting happening, I'd work with him and support him through it until he got better - as long as he was NOT using porn. If I found out he is/was using porn, then he's on his own to fix himself. I know the psychological and tactile damage that porn can do to a guy, and if a guy who was dating me or in a LTR with me chose to use porn instead of coming to me for sex, then it's up to HIM to fix his ED on his own. .
gaius Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Masturbation using pornography has definitely been a factor of ED with 2 of the guys I've had sex with in my life. The other guy I was with was just nervous because it was our first few times together - but once I made him feel comfy and diverted his attention away from his temporary ED and directed his focus on my body (like Jen was saying) and to the things I was doing to myself and then to him, he became rock hard and then omg, had no more problems after that! Every guy is going to have their moment when they can't "rise" to the occasion, in much the same way that every woman is going to have a moment when they're not wet and ready to go...it could be because of too much alcohol, nervousness, guys masturbating to porn wayy too much, women not being properly stimulated and turned on before the main event, their partner's body not being sexually attractive enough to turn them on (a la Gary's comment) and this applies to GUYS as well as women. I've seen a few guys naked whose bodies were flabby, out of shape and whose penises were um, on the small side (length & circumference) and were shaped weird or that were not circumsized. For a woman (at least for me), that would be a severe turn off, which would make me not get as wet or aroused, if at all. Another poster mentioned a guy not feeling any sensation while wearing a condom. I'm sure this could be a possibility as well that could be a contributing factor to a guy's ED. If a guy is attractive sexually in my eyes and he had ED, I'd be totally sensitive to it and would do other things to arouse him - which in turn would arouse me. If that didn't work and every time we were together he couldn't get it up, then I'd end things. If I'm in a LTR with a guy already before this starting happening, I'd work with him and support him through it until he got better - as long as he was NOT using porn. If I found out he is/was using porn, then he's on his own to fix himself. I know the psychological and tactile damage that porn can do to a guy, and if a guy who was dating me or in a LTR with me chose to use porn instead of coming to me for sex, then it's up to HIM to fix his ED on his own. . I wouldn't get a boner either if a woman paid for dinner on a date. =/ Maybe it's less to do with porn and more the fact a lot of women have lost sight of the dynamics that inspire boners.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I had a seven year hiatus with no dating/sex at all. So when I started dating again, it happened with the first woman back. We were making out which I was cool with. But I wasn't ready to have sex yet because it had been so long. But she tried to rip my pants off. This caught me off guard and made me lose wood instantly. So for the next month, it's all I could think about anytime sex was about to happen. Eventually it worked itself out. But now any time I see a new woman, it always pops into my head "What if I can't get it up?" That's actually why I like to take my time and not rush into sex. By getting comfortable with a woman, and learning all about her body, it helps to eliminate performance anxiety for me. However, it sucks how mentally based keeping an erection is. I mean I get morning wood and several erections daily, but it happens to me from time to time only during sex. Mainly because I over think and have a hard time fully relaxing. It's silly too because all of my sexual partners have always been very pleased. But it's something I have to deal with on my own.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I wouldn't get a boner either if a woman paid for dinner on a date. =/ Maybe it's less to do with porn and more the fact a lot of women have lost sight of the dynamics that inspire boners. Well, if that's a factor for ya, then I guess you should go for women who are more traditional and who don't mind you spending ALL of your hard earned money on THEM. @FF: I like your approach to taking things slow with regard to having sex with a woman. Not sure if this is also a factor, but it seems that - in addition to you getting to know a woman's body better - you want to get more comfy with her as far as being with her in close proximity, with general touching (holding hands, arms around each other, kissing, sitting/lying next to each other) and with feeling comfy emotionally, before engaging in sexual intimacy with a woman. I know it's that way with me. If I don't feel comfy with a guy proximity-wise or emotionally, um...it ain't gonna happen lol .
fitnessfan365 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 @FF: I like your approach to taking things slow with regard to having sex with a woman. Not sure if this is also a factor, but it seems that - in addition to you getting to know a woman's body better - you want to get more comfy with her as far as being with her in close proximity, with general touching (holding hands, arms around each other, kissing, sitting/lying next to each other) and with feeling comfy emotionally, before engaging in sexual intimacy with a woman. I know it's that way with me. If I don't feel comfy with a guy proximity-wise or emotionally, um...it ain't gonna happen lol Yeah it's definitely as much for me as it is for her. On one hand, a woman appreciates trust, intimacy, and that I learn about what makes her tick. On the other hand, it makes me get comfortable with her. But I have a lot of mental blocks when it comes to sex. Always have. It's funny because you usually only hear women complaining about not being able to cum during sex. But I haven't had an orgasm during sex in almost six years. It only happens during masturbation when I am fully relaxed and there's no pressure. The one gift though is that I am able to go a long time which women appreciate. It's just frustrating feeling like a champagne bottle where the cork is on the verge of popping but never does. That's why I've always said that the woman who gets me to finish during sex will be the one.
Timshel Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Well, if that's a factor for ya, then I guess you should go for women who are more traditional and who don't mind you spending ALL of your hard earned money on THEM. . I get what gaius is saying. I don't think it's about money but romance. 2
Mrin Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 OP: I didn't read most of this thread since it looks like the usual porn and masturbation stuff. But to answer another of your questions - yes I would talk about ED pills. The way to bring it up without hurting the guy's ego is wait until a few hours after a particularly good sex session where his ED wasn't and issue and then whisper this into his ear: "I want you to get some of that 36 hour Cialis stuff so I can f*** your c*** over and over for an entire day." Use those exact words as they're 1) naughty and 2) talk about what you want (super human exploits) rather than what he needs to do to make up for a deficiency. Any bruised ego feels will be quickly overwhelmed with "my GF is a freak! Picked right girlfriend!"
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Yeah it's definitely as much for me as it is for her. On one hand, a woman appreciates trust, intimacy, and that I learn about what makes her tick. On the other hand, it makes me get comfortable with her. But I have a lot of mental blocks when it comes to sex. Always have. It's funny because you usually only hear women complaining about not being able to cum during sex. But I haven't had an orgasm during sex in almost six years. It only happens during masturbation when I am fully relaxed and there's no pressure. The one gift though is that I am able to go a long time which women appreciate. It's just frustrating feeling like a champagne bottle where the cork is on the verge of popping but never does. That's why I've always said that the woman who gets me to finish during sex will be the one. Omg....are you serious?! Six years??? Honestly, how can you enjoy (and how have you enjoyed) having sex with any woman when you've NEVER came/gazzed for that many years?? I almost can't comprehend it! Hopefully, someday soon, you'll meet and date a special woman who YOU will feel comfy with, that you really like as a person, who you're attracted enough to and are totally relaxed with her to the point that you'll FEEL so totally aroused by her and CLOSE enough to her that you'll emotionally/physically/sexually feel such a connection with her in that moment that you'll cum really hard, your gazz will last for several seconds and you'll feel SO deliciously SPENT and COMFY with her that you'll probably want to go another round with her again (even though you know you should relish in your refractory period before going for Round 2). This is what I also hope to find with a special guy, someday. However, I'm not gonna hold my breath. There's just too many emotionally dysfunctional people out there. And the normal, emotionally stable people who ARE out there are probably guys that I won't have the luck of bumping into or meeting. .
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I get what gaius is saying. I don't think it's about money but romance. Yes. Romance means different things to different people. That's why I said to him what I said - because to him, romance means him paying for everything while a woman pays for nothing, and it's what gives him "a boner". Different strokes for different folks. .
fitnessfan365 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Omg....are you serious?! Six years??? Honestly, how can you enjoy (and how have you enjoyed) having sex with any woman when you've NEVER came/gazzed for that many years?? I almost can't comprehend it! Hopefully, someday soon, you'll meet and date a special woman who YOU will feel comfy with, that you really like as a person, who you're attracted enough to and are totally relaxed with her to the point that you'll FEEL so totally aroused by her and CLOSE enough to her that you'll emotionally/physically/sexually feel such a connection with her in that moment that you'll cum really hard, your gazz will last for several seconds and you'll feel SO deliciously SPENT and COMFY with her that you'll probably want to go another round with her again (even though you know you should relish in your refractory period before going for Round 2). This is what I also hope to find with a special guy, someday. However, I'm not gonna hold my breath. There's just too many emotionally dysfunctional people out there. And the normal, emotionally stable people who ARE out there are probably guys that I won't have the luck of bumping into or meeting. Well for me, my love of sex isn't tied to orgasm. Never has been. It's just one mental block that I deal with. Back when I started having sex again full time, women would complain about it and take it so personally. So then I started developing a complex about it. Now whenever I have sex, my mind is focused on it too much and it just doesn't happen. I almost wish I could go to a sexual hypnotist. LOL Like I said though, I absolutely love sex and enjoy the fact that I get to have it regularly. I just don't orgasm during. I'm confident I will someday though.
xxoo Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I wonder if it's more common among single/dating men or men in long term relationships? We've had no problems, mid 40s, using condoms, even after a beer or two, nothing keeps that baby-maker from working But he has the benefit of comfort with his partner, he's definitely very attracted, as well as a steady supply of sex over the years. "Use it or lose it" may be a factor. 1
jen1447 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Do you explain it to them FF? Might alleviate some of their 'failure guilt.' "Gazz" - I love your terminology Bopz.
Timshel Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Yes. Romance means different things to different people. That's why I said to him what I said - because to him, romance means him paying for everything while a woman pays for nothing, and it's what gives him "a boner". Different strokes for different folks. . He's crass but I don't know if the sentiment should be lost. There is no doubt that in 2015 women don't need to wait for men to 'take care of them.' Maybe I am a little old school but the amount of money a man spent or whether he is well off or not was never something I thought about on dates. Gallantry, however, always has and will mean a lot to me. Men express that in many different ways and paying for a date is one. Only one. You are right, different strokes for different folks. I like men and appreciate how they choose to bring themselves to the table even if we don't connect romantically. There is value in the effort and expression of chivalry. For me. 1
gaius Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Well, if that's a factor for ya, then I guess you should go for women who are more traditional and who don't mind you spending ALL of your hard earned money on THEM. Better than spending all my money on viagra. Xxoo, I bet it was good for you even the first time. Maybe there is something to that old argument that kids are being raised too soft now, to the point seeing a new woman naked for the first time is a level of stress they're not used to and they can't cope with adequately. If you had the balls to bring up a term like condom anxiety around guys older than me they'll laugh you straight out of the room. The one's I know at least.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Do you explain it to them FF? Might alleviate some of their 'failure guilt.' "Gazz" - I love your terminology Bopz. Yeah I try to reassure every woman I sleep with and explain the situation. They all seem to be understanding at first. In the long run though, it becomes a huge issue. Since I get to know a woman's body really well and go for a very long time, it results in massive amounts of O's on their end. That's why they always feel bad they're not returning the favor. What turns me on about sex is pleasing a woman as much as possible and being dominant with what I know about her body. But this is also the problem. I am so focused on them that I can't fully relax and let go. That's why masturbation is the only time I cum. I'm not focusing on anyone else, just myself.
phineas Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I usually stay hard after my first orgasm & can just go again. IF I don't stay hard i'll be hard again later on guaranteed. I usually end up with women 34 to 45 and almost every one of them has commented on how i stay hard or can go more than once, last, and make them orgasm. I've always been this way. I'm 43 now. I hope it lasts at least a few more years.
SycamoreCircle Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Yeah I try to reassure every woman I sleep with and explain the situation. They all seem to be understanding at first. In the long run though, it becomes a huge issue. Since I get to know a woman's body really well and go for a very long time, it results in massive amounts of O's on their end. That's why they always feel bad they're not returning the favor. What turns me on about sex is pleasing a woman as much as possible and being dominant with what I know about her body. But this is also the problem. I am so focused on them that I can't fully relax and let go. That's why masturbation is the only time I cum. I'm not focusing on anyone else, just myself.Yes, I totally identify with this. I have trouble focusing on my own pleasure, I'm so concerned with the woman's pleasure. And 69 comes to mind. What an impossible act! How do you skillfully please someone with your mouth while being relaxed and enjoy being pleasured orally at the same time? 1
jen1447 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 It takes a lot of work and conditioning, that's for sure. FF, do you um J/O in front of or sort of with them, or do you run off and do it in private?
loveweary11 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I have the same thing. Especially if I'm going down on a girl. I get involved in what I'm doing as a type A perfectionist and lose my boner completely. Next thing I know the chick wants to have sex and I've lost all interest because I'm busy working on her. Have definitely had this happen a lot in life.
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