waiting4u Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Granted, the men I date tend to be older - between 35 and 45, but what is the deal with ED? Out of the handful of partners I've had in the last few years, I've encountered erectile dysfunction several times. I'm not unattractive, so I doubt my naked body withers a man's penis. But seriously, why do so many men have this problem lately? Is it because of porn / excessive masturbation? Are men these days overly anxious and / or neurotic? Has this come up for any of you? And how do you deal with it? I've been dating my new guy a month, and we've messed around twice. He says he has low testosterone levels and the doctor is going to fix it. I suggested (in a roundabout way) maybe he get some pills in the meantime - was this too forward? The "sexy time" is otherwise great - I've had orgasms galore. Would it be a bad idea to push the whole pill thing? I mean, the ED drugs these days are great. How do men feel about this? And what is happening culturally that this is becoming so common? Or am I just getting old . . . 1
elaine567 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Granted, the men I date tend to be older - between 35 and 45, but what is the deal with ED? Out of the handful of partners I've had in the last few years, I've encountered erectile dysfunction several times. I'm not unattractive, so I doubt my naked body withers a man's penis. But seriously, why do so many men have this problem lately? Is it because of porn / excessive masturbation? Are men these days overly anxious and / or neurotic? Has this come up for any of you? And how do you deal with it? I've been dating my new guy a month, and we've messed around twice. He says he has low testosterone levels and the doctor is going to fix it. I suggested (in a roundabout way) maybe he get some pills in the meantime - was this too forward? The "sexy time" is otherwise great - I've had orgasms galore. Would it be a bad idea to push the whole pill thing? I mean, the ED drugs these days are great. How do men feel about this? And what is happening culturally that this is becoming so common? Or am I just getting old . . . One word - porn??? 1
Author waiting4u Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 That's part of it I'm sure. It's messed up.
Gaeta Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Anti-depressant are given out like candies Poor physical shape Low confidence I've never dated a man with ED and I'm late 40s. Most men I dated thou are physically fit. 1
gaius Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I don't know, I'm still a few years away from 35 but getting a boner has never once been a problem. Even just talking on the phone I get one most of the time. Despite whacking off almost every day. Sometimes to porn. But then again I don't drink, smoke, not on any medication, not 300 pounds. I don't eat sht for a living and I'm not a gay guy pretending to be straight. Maybe you have a type that falls into one of those categories waiting. 1
Author waiting4u Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 Anti-depressant are given out like candies Poor physical shape Low confidence I've never dated a man with ED and I'm late 40s. Most men I dated thou are physically fit. Maybe I need to only date men I meet at the gym! I never considered the antidepressant thing. I know the SSRI's have sexual side effects. I get the whole "poor physical shape" but I don't date men who are overweight, smokers, heavy drinkers, etc. I mean, I'm talking men in what you'd call "adequate" physical shape - they work out occasionally, that sort of thing.
empresario Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Granted, the men I date tend to be older - between 35 and 45, but what is the deal with ED? Out of the handful of partners I've had in the last few years, I've encountered erectile dysfunction several times. I'm not unattractive, so I doubt my naked body withers a man's penis. But seriously, why do so many men have this problem lately? Is it because of porn / excessive masturbation? Are men these days overly anxious and / or neurotic? Has this come up for any of you? And how do you deal with it? I've been dating my new guy a month, and we've messed around twice. He says he has low testosterone levels and the doctor is going to fix it. I suggested (in a roundabout way) maybe he get some pills in the meantime - was this too forward? The "sexy time" is otherwise great - I've had orgasms galore. Would it be a bad idea to push the whole pill thing? I mean, the ED drugs these days are great. How do men feel about this? And what is happening culturally that this is becoming so common? Or am I just getting old . . . I've mentioned this in a lot of threads. I am 28 and had ED my whole life (usually towards the beginning of relationships). The past year I haven't had one incident...quite the opposite, including multiple orgasms. Yes, it is completely porn and masturbation. Mainly porn and fantasy. The availability of high definition porn has really screwed up the modern day man. Look into "porn induced ED" and 'rebooting'. It will answer a lot of questions. I have not really masturbated and have not looked at porn at all this year. My sex life and libido has never been higher. It also has made me a better performer. Also the normal male sexual jealousy and frustration has completely dissipated. Pills won't fix the root cause. Mainly because the problem is psychological. It's before it hit's the spinal cord and distributed down to the penis. You can't fix a brain problem with a blood thinner. You have to fix the brain. 4
Hawaii51 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 One word - porn??? -Women put it on a pedestal, what other choice is there when it's so available to the common man. No BS. Instant. And just being naked in front of a man might not work with all of em'. It doesn't work for me... cause I'm usually naked a lot and it's nothing really new. I don't know OP. I've had short-lived partners in the past that seriously thought the privilege to have sex with them alone should've had me sprung. If you're doing your part, maybe have a chat with what your guy(s) like/want/prefer if they're not speaking up about it. I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised what a caress here or there can do. 1
Erised Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I tend to date men in that age range and have only encountered ED once. He was fit, too, and at the young end... thought he was way too young for it. He agreed to go to the doctor and I was sympathetic. the doctor said it was depression but it ended up resolving itself without medication. I think of ED as more like a 60+ problem.
Author waiting4u Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 I tend to date men in that age range and have only encountered ED once. He was fit, too, and at the young end... thought he was way too young for it. He agreed to go to the doctor and I was sympathetic. the doctor said it was depression but it ended up resolving itself without medication. I think of ED as more like a 60+ problem. So do I! I mean, I can pinpoint certain things with different men - one likely had a porn addiction, another was nervous and it didn't persist beyond the first time, my latest tells me his doctor says he has low testosterone levels. Maybe I just have bad luck? It can't just be me. I found this article . . . Rising Erectile Dysfunction Rates | Men's Health
SycamoreCircle Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I can only speak from personal experience. I'm 38. I've worked-out religiously since high-school, am vegetarian, bike everywhere, no health problems and am generally happy and I've had trouble in the past. I didn't really have trouble when I was younger, but I haven't had a lot of sexual experience...considering. Dependence on porn may be part of the problem. As I'm a person who is more love-driven than sex-driven, finding a partner has meant tremendous gaps in my dating life. For example, I went six years without sex in my twenties. I would rather masturbate than have sex with a random woman. Plus, I made a lot of blockhead moves. I'm slow to intimacy. I think it's just the way I'm wired. The emotional element is very important to me. I think everyone is different. The other day I was reading a post on LoveShack about a woman complaining that her partner had 4-hour-long sex sessions with her and hour-long erections! I have trouble imagining something like that. OP, you seem more sex driven and more sexually advanced than your partners. It sounds like you haven't met someone you're truly sexually compatible with. Pardon my saying so, but your awkwardness in dealing with the vulnerability and emotions attached to the act suggests to me you're going after the wrong kind of guy.
Author waiting4u Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 I don't mean to sound insensitive to the problem. It's terrible for men, I know. It's just that I'm not sure how to deal with it on my end. Sex is a barometer of emotions - if the sex is bad, in my experience, the relationship eventually falls apart.
empresario Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I don't mean to sound insensitive to the problem. It's terrible for men, I know. It's just that I'm not sure how to deal with it on my end. Sex is a barometer of emotions - if the sex is bad, in my experience, the relationship eventually falls apart. Am I the only one that sees this post as a red flag? I'm not saying sex isn't important. It most certainly is. However, if you can't sit there with the person you're with and confidently say "even if we decided to take a 1 year hiatus from sex I would still love being with you ever day" then you may either have a poor conception on priorities in a relationship or are using sex as a crutch to tolerate someone you really don't like. I think you're confusing sex with intimacy. My hypothetical situation would hurt...and probably is unrealistic. But it's also true. If you can't imagine being with that person without sex (again SEX, not intimacy...) then you need to evaluate what you find fulfilling in a man and a relationship. 1
baco Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 ED is very manageable these days, so unless the man choses to ignore the situation it shouldn't be a major issue just a bump on the road, also at young ages medication and psychological causes are the main reasons for ED I think, so it usually works itself out without the need for medication or surgical procedures. ED has a major impact on a male's self esteem, so if you can, be understanding with your partner, he should be encouraged to get help offcourse, but you should avoid talking about it too much, other important thing is to continue to have a sex, even if penetration is not possible it's still fun for both of you and good for a guy's self esteem.
cessna Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I don't have ED but even as a fairly fit 27 year old I have my hiccups like every other bloke I know. Alcohol affects me in that department, the more I've drunk the more noticeable it becomes. Nerves come into play for me as well when a new woman is involved. Being an ex smoker probably doesn't help matters. But you know what every guy has this problem at some point, you just have to be able to laugh it off I think and not get embarrassed about it. We're all human after all. 2
SmartDude Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) There is one main determining factor that has not been discussed yet.. Are these men wearing condoms? If they are I would say it might have less to do with ED, and more to do with condom anxiety. Especially if its the first few time you have had sex with a partner. Sometimes I have trouble feeling anything at all through a condom if it is not put on properly, and has a good fit. I actually have to imagine what it would feel bare, and that is the only thing that will make me stay hard. Edited May 19, 2015 by SmartDude
jen1447 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I've actually run into quite a few instances of limp-dick, but it's always been from performance anxiety and intimidation. My secret weapon if it ever happens is just to ignore it initially to take the focus off and then eventually put my ass in their face. Literally. Works every time. Most of the psychological issues can be overcome thru spontanaeity and being easy going and silly. I don't think I really buy the porn/masturbation bugaboo personally. Not saying it's not true for the people who say it is for them, but I doubt it being some kind of epidemic or even all that common. I mean if your dick was worn out from stroking it too porn too much, ok, but that would be a temporary thing. The porn-getting-inside-your-head thing I don't really buy. 2
loveweary11 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I've had plenty of it after my divorce. Thought I might have low T, etc, etc... As it turns out, there was sone psychological issue that went away. I'm now way out in the middle of nowhere finishing up a project, no girls in sight and hornyAF having to masturbate daily. Complete recovery
gaius Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 There is one main determining factor that has not been discussed yet.. Are these men wearing condoms? If they are I would say it might have less to do with ED, and more to do with condom anxiety. Especially if its the first few time you have had sex with a partner. Sometimes I have trouble feeling anything at all through a condom if it is not put on properly, and has a good fit. I actually have to imagine what it would feel bare, and that is the only thing that will make me stay hard. Condom anxiety. I swear, when these threads come up I just can't relate one bit. You've got a woman you're supposedly attracted to spreading her legs, you can taste, smell and feel her, and putting a little peice of latex on your dick suddenly makes it retreat like a turtle? Something doesn't make sense there. 1
misspond Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I swear, when these threads come up I just can't relate one bit. You've got a woman you're supposedly attracted to spreading her legs, you can taste, smell and feel her, and putting a little peice of latex on your dick suddenly makes it retreat like a turtle? Something doesn't make sense there. The difficulty is it's a tricky conversation to navigate. I recently broke things off with a man who had this problem (ED) but in reality he "just wasn't that into" me. Sad but true. The way that he *handled* his ED was to not refer to it, not want to talk to me about it (I did try as sensitively as I could but he wasn't willing to talk about it) but he also didn't say, "OMG, this has never happened before...." so it seemed clear that this was a long-term thing for him. Testosterone? Psychological? I'm going to surmise a mixture of both. Whatever it was I just wasn't going to float his boat. That wasn't the only reason I drew a line under us meeting again as I'd like to think that I'm an understanding person, but it did mean that neither one of us was particularly happy. And if you're not enjoying something then....
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 The rise of porn, and masturbating a lot I'm sure is a huge factor
fitnessfan365 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 It's easy to blame masturbation and porn. But the key element is that the guy is by himself with no pressure. He isn't judged for sexual tastes, and doesn't have to worry about satisfying another person. As men, we can be very ego driven when it comes to sex. So that can make it hard to relax and be in the moment. Especially when it's a woman you just started having sex with. So that's why I like to take my time. By getting comfortable with a woman, building a lot of anticipation, and learning her body, it helps to take pressure off. 2
SmartDude Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Condom anxiety. I swear, when these threads come up I just can't relate one bit. You've got a woman you're supposedly attracted to spreading her legs, you can taste, smell and feel her, and putting a little peice of latex on your dick suddenly makes it retreat like a turtle? Something doesn't make sense there. Are you a man? Have you ever used a condom? Condom's can be an absolute shock in some scenarios. Makes you not be able to feel penetration, which then makes you afraid to put it on because you loose your erection with it on. So then after awhile all it takes is the sight or smell of a condom to make a guy go limp. If a guy just got out of a long term relationship were she used the pill, and they did bareback most of the time: Trouble! 1
misspond Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Condom's can be an absolute shock in some scenarios. Makes you not be able to feel penetration, which then makes you afraid to put it on because you loose your erection with it on. So then after awhile all it takes is the sight or smell of a condom to make a guy go limp. If a guy just got out of a long term relationship were she used the pill, and they did bareback most of the time: Trouble! Are you a woman who's not on the pill? Hormone preventions like this can be an absolute shocker for a woman, as in mood swings, and it's usually something we only consider when we're in a long-term relationship. Plus, condoms are a better bet early on because STD's are a real thing. Man up boys and love the latex. 3
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