Trying to convince girlfriends parents to let me move in

[MissBee]

I completely understand that and I stated that. What I wasn't understanding was the idea that it seem like this idea was so insane that it was insulting to even ask. I just was puzzled at that because we don't even know if this kid is still in high school.

 

Again, that part would be very difficult.

 

 

I don't know all the details, I asked about that in my own post too, if he was in high school, college or was working as those dynamics matter. It may not be insane to ask, but the way I read the OP, it didn't sound like he exhausted all options, but it came off to me as though he has to move and is thinking why not live with my gf at her parents' house? I think that's the part that seems a little insane, because it seems like this is the first option of all other possible options. The OP hasn't said what he has looked at otherwise or anything.

 

I asked how his parents feel and what are there plans and where will they live, as currently, the details are unclear and maybe it's the lack of details which make it seem like it's more so something he and his gf want to do rather than there being no other viable options. One poster said there was a situation when parents agreed because the bf was being mistreated by his family. In that case I understand how it seems more dire and desperate than the current case, where it just seems like the OP thinks it is convenient without even looking at all other possibilities first. So that might be why people are reacting like it's insane: because it doesn't seem like he has exhausted all other options and it seems more flip like okay, how can I propose to move in with my gf's family over dinner.

Edited May 19, 2015 by MissBee

[MissBee]

Me and my girlfriend are both 18 and have been going out for 7 months now. We have been talking for awhile about me moving in with her and her parents. My parents are most likely going to be losing their house soon and won't be able to afford an apartment big enough for all of us. Even if they do keep it we both still want to make this happen.

 

I went back to read the original post and now see that the OP's parents won't have a big enough apartment when they move, but they will still have an apartment, so it's not like he'll be homeless, he just won't have a lot of space. The OP also says that even if his parents keep the house he and his gf still want to make this happen?

 

Mmmkay...I guess my hunch was right. I didn't initially see that part when I responded to you Got It, but reading it, it looks exactly as it appeared to me, which is that this isn't a crisis of homelessness or exhausting all other options, but he and his gf wanting to make this happen because they want to live together. Which is what is coming off as insane. Where you can just casually ask your gf's (of 7 months) dad if you can move into their family home??? Just because you both have discussed it and decided you want to? It doesn't work like that.

 

OP, look....if you and your gf want to live together, you need to get a job and get an apartment. Otherwise, most people will not be amenable to their teenager daughter and her bf moving in, simply because what, he won't have enough space at his parents' new apartment? Or worse, you say even if your parents don't lose the house, you just want to move in with her so you can live together? If your parents keep their house, why don't you just let her move in with you all instead? Will your parents accept this?

Edited May 19, 2015 by MissBee

[Got it]

I went back to read the original post and now see that the OP's parents won't have a big enough apartment when they move, but they will still have an apartment, so it's not like he'll be homeless, he just won't have a lot of space. The OP also says that even if his parents keep the house he and his gf still want to make this happen?

 

Mmmkay...I guess my hunch was right. I didn't initially see that part when I responded to you Got It, but reading it, it looks exactly as it appeared to me, which is that this isn't a crisis of homelessness or exhausting all other options, but he and his gf wanting to make this happen because they want to live together. Which is what is coming off as insane. Where you can just casually ask your gf's (of 7 months) dad if you can move into their family home??? Just because you both have discussed it and decided you want to? It doesn't work like that.

 

OP, look....if you and your gf want to live together, you need to get a job and get an apartment. Otherwise, most people will not be amenable to their teenager daughter and her bf moving in, simply because what, he won't have enough space at his parents' new apartment? Or worse, you say even if your parents don't lose the house, you just want to move in with her so you can live together? If your parents keep their house, why don't you just let her move in with you all instead? Will your parents accept this?

 

Because he wasn't clear I was erring on the side of not having space for him period. Again, I asked questions as well that weren't answered. What I am disagreeing with is the assumption that such a request is completely off base. I don't think it is. It would be very specific to the details and parties at play, and the OP needs to be very aware of what he is asking, the dynamics, and how this will change things (with a yes or a no) going forward.

 

This is asking a lot. But I am not comfortable erring on the said, based on the relatively vague post, that this kid is being a shmuck, and ungrateful, and just completely unrealistic in his situation. I am trying to give him, a relatively KID, the benefit of the doubt.

[preraph]

Until you are making your own living and can afford your own place and have experienced living relying only on yourself, you are not a man (or woman). You have no business trying to intrude on their family home, and they won't respect you for it because it's irresponsible. You need to find two jobs and so does your girlfriend and save up if you want to live together.

[amaysngrace]

Also growing up my parents had a rule, I was never allowed to ask them if a friend could stay for dinner or sleep over in front of the friend. I had to ask my parents privately.

 

That's my rule too. Or was. If my kids asked me in front of their friends the answer was always "no" for putting me on the spot like that.

[Gloria25]

V

I disagree. While he is 18 he has never been on his own and may need a launching point. And this is subjective, just because one person wouldn't do it doesn't mean it is unreasonable to do. It is just personal choice.

 

I don't see an issue if he addresses it like a business proposal and the guilt trip is his reality. I am not saying they are obligated by any means and it is a tall order to ask.

 

But I don't think it is so heinous or preposterous to ask.

 

If he needs a "launching point" then he can put an ad in the newspaper for roommates. He can "barter" (ie, no money for rent, but will clean, cook, handiwork). And besides the armed forces, there are contract jobs overseas...

 

The gall of youth today. He want to have sex and companionship under the parent's roof of his gf while he hasn't done a thing to "earn" vagina. And, his gf must be very sad and desparate if she thinks his idea is just darn cute.

 

And, threads like this is why I can't have kids. Dude ever show up at my my doorstep with such a proposition regarding my daughter, I'd meet him with a shotgun and probably end up using it. Then I'd slap my daughter across the face for thinking so low of herself.

 

But sadly, I'm sure the parents will indulge this nonsense. Now a days many parents have no shame either. I watch them approve of shackups left and right then act so proud when they have the nerve to wear white dresses to the wedding as if the couple did anything dignified to be celebrated in the first place. Geesh, what happened to parents and their balls?

 

Actually, my fav podcaster touched on this topic yesterday, but it was a girl calling in. Her big excuse was that she just had one more college class to finish and was considering starting her life in the state where she met her college bf....so, his parents were allowing her to stay with them till she finished the class.

 

My fav podcaster reminded her not to be foolish at 21 and consider staying in the state just cuz of this boy...and, that the parents, while they are letting her stay there, behind her back consider her a floozy and are praying that their son doesn' marry her...And I feel the same. Sad some parents put up with their childrens's stupid decisons...Not me, byach would have been told to get lost and I would have slapped my son for treating a girl with such disresspect. I mean kids are gonna do naughty things, but to be so bold to walk up to your parents and tell them you are shacking up with some broad and/or ask if she can shack up under your parent's roof deserves a slap across the face and a serious sit-down with your child to ask where you failed them as a parent when it came to morality, patience, and character.

 

So, my fave podcaster told her that since she's gonna stay there, to have some dignity and sleep on the couch - instead of the bedroom with the bf.

 

So, if the OP still is gonna go ahead with this nonsense, then sleep on the couch, no HANKY PANKY AT ALL...and "barter" - do whatever the parents want (ie cut the grass, clean, etc) to pay for his stay and contribute to the bills.

[amaysngrace]

Outside of that pesky little chance of dying.

 

That "chance" is character-building.

 

People die on the streets too but they don't get to blow things up before they do so it's really a pretty simple choice.

 

 

 

And men in uniform are hot!